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Secret Societies Involved in d'Toothpaste Disaster

Dere's so much juicy stuff here, I almost dunno know where t'start.

Some'a youse is gettin' wit' d'program, vis a vis d'many monetary interests we have in common, an' dat's good... but d'scratch still just ain't coming in quite like it should be. So in d'spirit'a all our future business together, I'm declarin' today "everybody gets some freebies" day. It's what youse might call a "loss leader"-- a little taste, t'whet y'appetite for d'real stuff. Youse might also call it a warnin', if'n youse's particularly perceptive.

Also, since Friend Computer says it really wants us t'find out d'truth 'bout all'a dis, I figger, what d'heck. Let's really open up an' say a few things dat we all know1, but don't generally talk 'bout openly, even wit' other UVs.

I guess it's usually somewhere around YELLOW or GREEN Clearance2 dat a Citizen finally starts t'ask: if'n everybody hates Secret Societies so much, how come everybody is in one? What, it's just a coincidence dat every other Troubleshooter youse worked wit' eventually got caught wit' ties t'one Society or another? Youse thought youse was d'only one tryin' so hard t'keep it a secret from everyone? By d'time you've made BLUE, youse start t'suspect dat some Societies get hunted down more ruthlessly dan others. Youse start t'notice dat Commie_Mutant_Traitors from FCCCP is usually just fined an' demoted, no matter how much havoc they wreak, but Humanists who get caught just sittin' around d'bunkroom playin' cards is terminated immediately. Dis is a tricky time in a Citizen's life, 'cause it's here dat they might come t'some dangerous conclusions an' end up bein' a real problem dat has to be dealt wit', if'n y'know what I mean. But if they navigate dis moral dilemma adequately, they eventually find out d'truth: not all Secret Societies is actually so secret, an' in fact-- despite bein' officially "treasonous"-- not all of 'em is problems dat we intend t'get rid of. Some of 'em is merely accepted as sorta inevitable... but some others is an actual part of what makes Alpha Complex work. We actively need 'em. In fact, we need 'em so much, we created them in d'first place.

Before we get into d'specifics of d'many Societies dat is relevant t'dis here report thingy, we should maybe have a whatchacallit, a quick primer provided by dis here ProxyBot who keeps hoppin' around an' askin' questions. Hopefully researchin' dis stuff'll keep him outta my hair for a few minutes.


Hola, party peoples!

Let me tell you, I'm so excited to be here with all of you, right here in the actual body of the official report on the Toothpaste_Disaster! I can't even express it in words! Ai, I have to calm down before I go totally loco! Okay, okay, so I've been asked by this bandito-looking fellow to collate information on the relationship between the legitimate structure of Alpha Complex and the so-called sociedades secretas. The main thing to understand is that virtually all Societies operating in Alpha have been officially categorized into three "tiers":

Class A Societies

These are not only allowed to exist, they are encouraged, funded-- and ultimately protected-- by ULTRAVIOLETS in their core "approved" form to allow for legitimate channels of "leakage" when necessary. By defining the channels along which certain kinds of "treasonous thought" are illegally disseminated3, Alpha leadership is able to largely guide the form of that dissemination. When members of these Societies wish to engage in "treasonous" activities, every effort is made to put them on the trail of some (relatively) innocuous troublemaking.

Class B Societies

Class B Societies are generally the result of, or a response to, an existing Class A Society, or were themselves once a Class A that has since become less critical to Alpha operations and is now left to succeed or fail on its own merits. Many are splinter offshoots or unapproved sub-sects which have become distinct from parent Class A's and are currently resisting efforts to fold them back into the core originating Society. Most either fold back in or become Class C Societies within fifty years. Not so destructive as to require active elimination, they can nonetheless be rather nasty in short bursts during their transitional phases.

Class C Societies

This family of Societies is actively problematic for Alpha. Muy malo! Their continued existence fundamentally interferes with Alpha operation. Most of them have risen independently of any planned or approved design. Some are former Class B organizations which underwent significant alteration as membership changed. While it may seem like the majority of Alpha's enforcement resources are expended on opposing the well-known Class A Societies (especially in the public eye of the Lower Clearances), a close analysis of budgets, policy statements, and actual successful Troubleshooter case studies clearly show that the true focus remains on the Class C organizations.

So there you have it, amigos! Not that I'm casting any aspersions on any of you fine folks-- I'm sure all of you only engage in approved activities, naturalmente-- but you might know a "friend" who belongs to a Secret Society, and consider the Class of Society to which that "friend" is assigned. Perhaps they could get out before it's too late.

Living life as an open book,



Membership Has Its Rewards

Astute readers might notice dat some'a dose numbers add up t'more'n 100%. Dis is 'cause many Citizens work in two or more Societies-- often wit'out their knowledge. Dis is especially true'a Citizens involved wit' Class C Societies. They may believe they's fulfillin' d'agenda'a their Class A or B Society, when in fact, double agents within dose Societies have 'em fulfillin' d'objectives'a some entirely other, much nastier Society.

Secret Societies-- even d' ones we don't run ourselves-- have become d'lynchpins in many basic Alpha operations, in many cases replacing d'legitimate procedures f'such things as promotion, access t'equipment, livin' arrangements, reassignment, etc. wit' their own methods which, let's face it, sometimes work better'n d'official processes. d'Vast majority'a promotions from INFRARED t'RED occur in direct correlation t'induction into some sort of Secret Society; it just ain't all dat likely dat some INFRARED is actually gonna be noticed by d'system an' promoted f'merit, but d'Societies is always lookin' f'throwaway fodder.4 Successive promotions may continue t'be tied more t'youse performance in youse Society dan in y'actual job, or may become dependent on short- or long-term allegiances wit' additional Societies. An' wit' d'end'a GASES, it's rare dat anyone is able t'change Service Firms or Sector residence without a Secret Society lubricatin' d'transaction. Knowin' more Societies means havin' more options along dese lines. Thus, d'high rate of double-, triple-, an' quadruple agents in d'middle Clearances.5

d'Societies What is Relevant t'Dis Report

Dis is what youse really came for, naturally: Which Societies had involvement in d'chain of events leading up to an' outta d'Toothpaste_Disaster? It should come as no surprise dat virtually alla them had a hand in some part or another. It should also come as no surprise dat every member'a dis very Commission has ties t'at least one'a dese organizations.6

Each'a dese write-ups comes from d'relevant header files in d'offline support tools f'editing Friend Computer.7 I didn't write none'a them; I just had dis ProxyBot pull 'em up an' I'm postin' d'most recent documentation right outta d'raw file. Some'a youse will recognize more dan a few'a them, seein' as how youse y'selves wrote or edited some'a dese headers in d'last few years. Don't bother denyin' it; dat might impress d'kiddies down in YELLOW-ville but we're all ULTRAVIOLETS on dis panel and we can all read d'change logs.

Wit' each writeup is additional material specific t' d'Disaster. Dis is d'part where d'freebies come in. Don't youse worry y'head off, everbody gets a piece. Lotsa interestin' data t'access-- no need t'take my word for it, lotsa evidence is attached so youse can all see it. No sense in just shoutin' "NUH-UH!" like youse usually do; youse wouldn't believe how much time I spent gettin' all dis evidence on alla youse, an' I guarantee it's more legit dan mosta d'bullcrap youse all been spoutin' d'last few weeks. Especially since some'a it has been secretly sittin' around wit' my buddies f'months just waitin' f'd'right opportunity t'pull it out. Now's d'time, I'm thinkin'.

So take youse time, read it over, find out what everyone else has been up to, y'know? I hope youse enjoy it as much as I have been. We'll talk business at d'end.

Alpha Complex Rifle Association (Class B)

+FCCCP offshoot created by and for Armed Forces guys, mostly. Close ties.+
+Armed Forces is trying to get a Class A charter for this organization.

+Hey, I found some Old Reckoning files the other day that suggested everyone should have
 the right to own and carry a gun. Of course, it also suggested people should be able to
 gather in arbitrarily large groups at will and say whatever they want.+

+No surprise. We know there were crazy people in the Old Reckoning.+

Anti-Mutants (Class B)

+Began as a CLASS A when GENETIC DRIFT first appeared in the population.+
+Purpose was to discourage "clean" genelines from breeding with "drifted" individuals.+
+Made obsolete by the CLONING PROCESS, but never died out entirely.+
+Resurged on its own when drift appeared in the clone systems.+
+Decision regarding status and treatment is OVERDUE at this point.+

Arm & Hammer Group (Class B)

+Small clique by and for Hygiene Officers, mostly.+
+Too new to completely classify.+

Communists (Class C)

+I don't want to sound like a Humanist or anything, but have any of the rest
 of you ever turned up a Communist cell with records dating back to before Alpha?
 Or even dating back more than a few years? Every time my people bust up another
 Communist Party cell, it turns out they were just a bunch of people who decided
 to start a cell because they wanted to see what it would feel like. No other
 contacts, no larger organization, no long term agenda. Just a handful of losers.

+Maybe we should just start an official Class A so that all the wannabes will flock
 to it and any ACTUAL Communist organization will (hopefully) unveil itself in an
 attempt to destroy competition.

+I thought we already tried that once?

+The KKK was pretty big. Past tense.

Computer Phreaks (Class C)

+I was thinking the other day how ironic it is that we pound the Phreaks so hard,
 seeing as how they just do the same thing we do. Hell, how many of *you* used a
 Phreak to get ahead a notch or two and then turned him in and had him fried before
 he could snitch on you? Weirdly ironic; the only difference between us and them is
 that we're "supposed" to tamper with the raw system & they aren't, at least not yet.+

+Better them than me. They wanna live, they should learn to code better.+


Corpore Metal (Class B)

+Pro-Tech offshoot. About thirty years old, with emergence of refined cyborging.
+Going through difficult transition; may need to become Class C.

+This is the fault of you old fogies who had chips implanted in your heads wayback.

+Shut up. Nothing wrong with my chips.

+Everything's wrong with your chips, Toothy. har har

Death Leopard (Class A)

+The counter-culture impulse towards violence, outrageous behavior, and contrary
 resistance turns out to be really easy to control, once you define the outlet
 and use HPD&MC techniques to make some forms of rebellion "cooler" than others.+

+For every individual that manages to harm some number of Citizens with a bomb,
 there are dozens who think they're living hardcore non-conformity to the hilt
 by spray-painting "Teela-O Rulz" in gold paint everywhere. Continue to encourage
 on these lines. Vandalism not so bad, relatively.+

+We should have figured this one out much earlier.+

+Need to cut back on using them as unwitting shock troops for Armed Forces actions.+

False Teeth Conspiracy

FCCCP (Class A)

+Established openly & officially by first generation to live entirely within Alpha.+
+Subsided to Class B status about 110 years ago and went "secret".+
+Has enjoyed huge resurgence of popularity in the last 40 years.+

+The most openly-acknowledged Society in Alpha, members often give the "secret" wink
 to each other in full view of Computer cams without fear of punishment. Purpose is
 to provide a "religious" framework for Citizens, placing Friend Computer in the
 role of the divine creator to be worshipped.+

+Recategorized as top-five Class A. Let's encourage membership. Use music groups?+

Filesharers (Class B)

+Less malevolent sub-sect of Computer Phreaks.+
+Would be Class C if we didn't need to fileshare so much as part of legit operation.+

+Legit operation? Maybe if you mean making a ton of money for yourself, Knok.+

Frankenstein Destroyers (Class C)

Established by Humanists who were double-agenting into PURGE.

Sorry. They were Purgers double-agenting into the Humanists.

You don't know what you're talking about, Mesh.

Nice comeback. Did you think of it yourself or did someone sell it to you?

Free Enterprise (Class A)

+Alpha began as a moneyless society, operating purely on need and ability, but it turned
 out Citizens work better if reward is commensurate to effort. This leads to a need for
 quantification, and hence a monetary system. Several pirate currencies started up within
 the first 50 years of Alpha existence. Eventually,  Enterprise was begun by Alpha
 leadership and ran at a loss for years until it completely dominated the market and its
 currency became the most widely-used one. That is the monetary system we use today.+

+There has been talk on and off for many years now about lapsing official silent control
 of  Enterpise and letting it subside to Class B status, but it turns out we have no
 better throttle and brake for controlling the Alpha economy.+

+Plus, who doesn't like being RICH???

Humanists (Class C)

+Often mistaken for other groups such as the Romantics or Pro Tech+
+Often mistaken for generic "Communists"+
+All other goals are secondary to the goal of removing the Computer from Alpha Complex+
+Obviously, this cannot be allowed+


INFRARED Citizens (No Classification)

Not really a Secret Society, but... d'youse ever get d'feeling dat Alpha Complex is being controlled by a shadowy, faceless cabal'a ten million completely clueless idiots who got no idea what's going on? 'Cause I feel dat way sometimes, an' lookin' around dis here report thingy, I can't help but wonder if'n maybe d'single group what contributed to d'Disaster d'most-- other dan alla youse treasonous bastards-- is d'INFRARED horde. Lookit some'a dis:

Illuminati (Class B)


Internal Security (Class A)

+Was this really the first Secret Society ever?

+Pretty much. When the population of Alpha got to a certain size it became
 clear to certain individuals that there needed to be a police force within
 the police force, and originally it was begun as a silent agreement among
 certain members of law enforcement to be the watchers who watched the
 watchmen. Eventually, it was codified and eventually became the entirety
 of law enforcement.+

+Consider for privatization.+

League of Extraordinary Dadaists (Class B)

+Formerly known as League of Extreme Communism, which was a Class C.+
+New splinter group. Less than one year old.+
+Objectives may no longer be Communist, but rather, simply insane.+

Mystics (Class B)

+Have you ever thought... like, maybe YOU'RE the Computer?+
+Whoa, man, it's like... everything is connected, y'know?+
+I had this dream... I had, like, REALLY LONG fingernails and I was a rockstar.+
+I love you guys. And I really, really mean it. It's not just the drugs this time.+

Open Sores Community (Class C)

+Even worse sub-sect of Computer Phreaks, if that's possible.+
+Believe access to raw Bot and Computer programming code should be available to all.+

+What, let everyone tamper with Friend Computer the way WE do?+

+Libertarians, every one of them. Death is too good.+

Pro Tech (Class B)

+One of the first Societies established early in Alpha existence.+
+An anti-technology sentiment was commonplace in the early population.+


+"Technology" was identified with the catastrophe that destroyed the Old Reckoning
 world, and tech-related terminology began to become derogatory. The development
 of Pro Tech, and the "Tech is Good" counter-campaign, was among the first
 operations attempted by the newly established Department of Housing Preservation
 and Development (DHPD, now HPD&MC).+

+Harmless except when they steal gadgets.+

Psion (Class C)

+Very briefly begun as a Class A. There was an early HPD&MC effort to recast the
 increasing genetic drift in the population as "The Next Stage of Human Evolution"
 instead of, well, an ever-increasing rate of three-limbed half-blind idiots who
 could occasionally light themselves on fire with their own minds. Computer decided
 the word "evolution" should be eliminated from the language, there was a huge
 purge of HPD&MC personae, and the organization was terminated. However, of course,
 an underground version was formed and has persisted to this day.+

+Working actively on building up enough Machine Empaths to take over every node
 in the Computer at the same time and enslave it to their collective will.+

Power Pops (Class B)

+Relatively new. Need data.+
+Offshoot of Romantics.+

+I think they're a music group?+

+Maybe we should get them on the FCCCP Gospel Hour Tour, then. Talk to HPD&MC.+

PURGE (Class C)

+This is what Death Leopard pretends to be.+
+Dangerous under any and all circumstances.+

Romantics (Class A)

+Originally a popular movement based on the Gatzmann Archives.+
+Later codified officially so that official record of Old Reckoning could be closed.+
+Probably the single most commonly-encountered faction in Alpha.+

+Actively maintained to allow for HP collectors of Old Reckoning material to have
 constant access to supply as desired.+

+C-Bay was originally implemented as a closed-doors swap meet for Old Reckoning gear.+

Sierra Club (Class A)

+Suppression of lowest-level knowledge of the Outdoors implemented by Fourth Generation.+
+No way we can actually keep the existence of the Outdoors a secret from ALL the INFRAREDs.+

+Ironically, not long after induction into the organization, typically a new member
 gets a promotion to RED thanks to his buddies in the "Club"-- and then he's cleared
 to know about the Outdoors anyway. But at that point, he's committed to the Sierras.+

Tuesday Afternoon Conspiracy (Class C)



Let's Talk Business

Now, obviously youse's irritated at dis point. Maybe even angry. y'First thought is probably somethin' like, Who does dat guy think he is, accusin' and implicatin' me like dat? But dat sorta thinkin' is counterproductive.

You might also be thinkin', What else does dat guy know about me? Dat is slightly more productive-- an' it would be a worthwhile investment t'find out what else I got on youse, an' how t'keep me from passin' it around-- but ultimately, dat's relatively small potatoes, too.

No, what youse oughta be askin' youself is, What else does dat guy got on dese other bums on dis commission, who I gotta take down b'fore they interfere wit' my plans? An' how much does he want f'dat information? An' dat, my friends, is a very good question-- one which I am happy t'help youse wit'.

Inquiries should be remitted wit' some sorta payment, just so's I know how t'distinguish between dose'a youse what need actual business done, an' dose'a youse what is just screwin' around an' wastin' time until youse peers on dis panel take youse outta d'game. I accept unlicensed credit, small non-perishable barter, precious metals, "young" fissionable material, an' METro_Cheques. No ammunition or foodstuffs.

-- Knok-U-OUT-7

Refs: all over d'damn place


Generating one-time encryption pad...
Transaction complete. You will be contacted shortly.


Very bad treason accusings of treason here against me. Not-so-very-nice. Feel like I should be denying, making very bad treason criminations back at KnoK-U. Is the Ultraviolet way. But sometimes high citizen programmers all the treason this and treason that - not so fresh. Not so fresh at all.

Kan't we all just get alonK?


Don't worry. A little cred in d'right place'll make it aaaaaaaall go away. Just push dat little OK button dere, right in fronta youse.

-- Knok-U

Right... definitely a couple of corrupted downloads here, like LOVE FOR SHORT-CHAIN POLYMER INHALANTS regarding myself. Not just corrupt... plain incorrect. Appears to be a corruption of Request CO-of8Ved/l3 - Request for Short-Range Polysynaptic Inhibitor. I really can't stand my Supervisors thinking stray thoughts while I'm treating them to a positive loyalty reinforcement buzz session - the mind needs to be clear and open to new and efficacious ideas, ideals and protocols.

-- Costin-U-MOR-8

I will grant you that you've come up with an adequate synopsis of many of the major Secret Societies in Alpha Complex.

However, you seem to be under the rather sizable misapprehension that I feel the need to "take down" anyone on this commission, or that I have plans with which any of you are apt to interfere. True, the majority of High Programmers - yourself apparently included - are small-sighted twits who occupy their time with acquisition of power and petty political maneuverings - but in case you hadn't noticed, I don't play those games. Go peddle your services elsewhere, assuming Friend Computer lets you. (It wasn't terribly pleased with this writeup of yours when I submitted a copy to the ZRT_Treason_Analyzer, though I assume you'll use "stimulating the economy" or some such loophole to cast your actions in a positive light.)

I was pleased - if not terribly impressed - that you saw fit to include c3lld7832/33... ERR-U-DYT HUMANIST PLOTS DISGUISED AS ROMANTICS ACTIVITY; I was particularly proud of that report. My analysis of the underlying Humanist threat in apparent Romantic activity got me promoted to BLUE. And terminated...again... But Friend Computer knows best, as I'm sure you'll learn.

-- Err-U-DYT-9


I assigned one of my subordinates, Av-I, to read through some of the attached files. The next thing I knew, she'd sent all of her credits to Knok-U and was trying to liquidate PLC Central assets to send him more! Right now she's in a ward at Special_Brain_Freshening_Unit_K, babbling things like "Knok-U is double-plus-good!" and "Knok-U needs a new pair of shoes!"

Those files are just chock full of Viral_Thought_Patterns. I don't know what Knok-U was trying to accomplish with this stunt, but if you value your brain, don't read any attachments! Otherwise you could end up like Circ-U.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31


Oh, thank goodness someone else knows! Read the full file on Viral_Thought_Patterns.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Very interesting analysis.

In my must-read not-seller, Clone-generations: the future history of Alpha Complex, I provide surveys which suggest a better metric of these mutations is 30-40 years, but being just a proxy bot, I'm sure Pepe can be forgiven for such a minor error.

And for clarification of the record, I inquired about the whereabouts of the ItemsInQuestion, not Lenin's_Tooth. I merely mentioned that I was on the committee that wasn't organized to investigate it.

Additionally, friend, I am tempted to sic the Semantics Company on you. Your grammar is terrible.

-- Dursch-U- Knock-U is double-plus-good! WTZ-8

Knok-U... How in the Complex do you infer membership in FCCCP from mentioning the group? I merely note that the computer has looked upon them with less disfavor than other groups, as you also seem to infer. And they're not Commie Mutant Traitors, just... possibly traitors. Sometimes.

And besides, the last fissile material I had access to went into the Vulture Vertical Life Vehicle. I told them about big flamey explosions being possible....

-- Paul-U-LEG-9

What I can't figure out is how Knock-U decided I was an "R&D top dog", when I've served in Power since 1 and have never FARTed. I could deal with accusations of Secret Society membership, but if they're based on patently erroneous statements of affiliation...sigh. It's a shame, too, because this would otherwise be a masterwork of research, but this one inaccuracy forces me to seriously question the validity of the rest of it as well.

-- Servs-U

So I took a couple of ID Cards. Whatcha gonna do about it, huh, punk? Nothin. And I'll tell you why. Because The Computer made me do it. That's right. You wanna mess with The Computer? I didn't think so.

-- Toothy-U-NIX-4

Happy/Joy? Hey, I'm on a natural high...

-- Brush-U-TTH-33

If you had done some more research, dimwit, you would've realized that "Clones Gone Wild XIV" is the latest in a long line of clone riot documentaries that I help develop to educate AC workers on what to expect during Commie disturbances. I have no connection to illegal ripoffs of it made by the file sharing community.

And if Drake-U-LAH-1 knew where he kept any original footage of Paris-I-LTN, he sure didn't leave it in his Memomax for me. Dammit, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about!

Combined with everyone else's contradictions of your "evidence" and the embedded viral thought patterns you sent out, I'd say your research isn't worth shit. I'm glad you died, you scheming SOB.

-- Drake-U-LAH-4

It would seem that a case of mistaken identity has occurred in respect of the Arm_&_Hammer_Infiltration_Report... I have no clue what Watt is talking about. I believe he must be referring to Costin-R-KVN-3 - demoted Tech Services resource relocation supervisor.

-- Costin-U-MOR-8


2013-06-13 14:00