Extract from Ur-B-ANN's Legends - An Infrared-cleared Info-ganda Pamphlet at Nightcycle
A stalwart citizen of the Alpha Complex, who has willingly taken on the burden of a multitude of tasks, across Service Groups and Sectors spanning the length and breadth of recorded time and space. While some Citizens (now undergoing corrective therapy) have suggested that Frame-R-UPP is a figment of the imagination, the solid evidence provided by reams of forms signed off by Frame over the yearcycles would certainly prove to the contrary (and anyone seeking to further discredit the thankless and often seemingly nugatorial tasks undertaken by Frame should consider visiting their local Confession Booth for consultation, personality realignment and a dose of heartening SmileTime_Mood_Enhancement_Serum_(with_Tartar_Control)).
Most recently Frame-R-UPP has cleared transportation of a shipment of miscellaneous oral hygiene and pharmaceutical products manufactured by COLgate_BioTech, a vital delivery of supplies that was unfortunately involved in the catastrophic debacle that was the COL_gate_incident. Tirelessly, Frame also apparently put in the additional effort to clear supply of newly enhanced Rose-Tinted_Macro-Goggles to the IntSec snipers assigned to handle the troubled Infrared Citizen, Billy-BOB-3.
So much tireless effort has been exhibited by Citizens like Frame-R-UPP, that Friend Computer erected the famous Monument to the Unknown Citizen, constructed from 300,162 spent Transbot fuel rods (guaranteed 100% safe by PLC operative Al-I-ASS) in the Central Square of WHO Sector. Frame-R-UPP's willingness to carry out roles and tasks across all Service Groups also instigated Friend Computer's introduction of the Group_Assignment_Services_Exchange_Scheme_(GASES).
The Unknown Citizen (TUC) is a common frame of reference to ceaseless loyalty and tireless productivity - "Friend troubleshooter is like the Unknown Citizen, a person of rare and edifying Complex probity". TUC is constantly referenced in the Complex_Youth_Guidance_Program, InfoBooth slogans, and edutainment programming. Citizens gather at the monument each yearcycle on The Daycycle of the Unknown Citizen to wave flags, drink B3 and eat commemorative Algae-based CHZ-filled TUC Biscuits.
Other names recorded on the Monument of the Unknown Citizen include: All-O-NYM, An-O-THR, Cam-O-FLG, Cha-R-ADE, Cove-R-UPP, Cogn-O-MEN, Hon-O-RFC, Inco-G-NTO, Mon-I-KER, Nomde-G-UER, Nomdepl-U-MME, Pren-O-MEN, Sued-O-NYM, Trick-R-EEE.
Is this the best you can dredge up before the committee, friend Costin-U? Patently false Info-ganda designed for INFRARED consumption? We all know that Frame-R-UPP and her ilk are, in fact, among the most pernicious traitors that Alpha Complex has ever known. Yes, it's true that IntSec has deigned to make them folk heroes, at least for the time being, in order to track their movements. But we know better.
I trust that you will shortly provide an addendum of real, factual data that will be of use to the commission.
I have yet to see any of my fellow ULTRAVIOLET peers demonstrate, or even claim, direct interaction, observation, or experience with this so-called Frame-R-UPP Citizen, with one exception-- that being you, Jan-U. While the rest of us hear a lot of loose talk and mumbo-jumbo, you've been claiming to have "forensically analyzed signatures" and Dentifrice Allocation Documents and a "clear paper trail". While the rest of us have never encountered even the least shred of genuine evidence of this individual in our own operations, she seems to be all over yours. I'm not convinced that "we" know anything for sure about this supposedly nefarious villainess. Only you seem to have all the "facts" about this phantom, this omnipresent marauder in a RED jumpsuit, this ghostbot in the machine.
(Parenthetically, I am reminded of your infamous "photograph" of the legendary Vat Ness Monster; remember how quickly that belief went away once we adjusted the seratonin levels in your tank?)
Friend Computer has verified my analysis in this matter. Do you wish to contradict Friend Computer?
And as to the Vat Ness Monster, just because I determined that the photo was a forgery (most likely planted by Frame-R!), that doesn't mean that the monster does not exist!
I'm bereft of a reasonable solution to your current activities beyond simply recommending to Friend Computer for your immediate execution as a traitor and neigh-sayer of Friend Computers blessed logic circuits. You declare Friend Computer's own edutainment transmissions about Frame-R-UPP are patently false Info-ganda - and then go on to suggest that Friend Computer has verified your declarations about the non-existence of said Citizen. You treasonous statements seem to suggest that you believe that Friend Computer has some kind of split personality - why else would you suggest that Friend Computer both hold The Unknown Citizen in high esteem, as an example to all good Citizens, and yet also support your theories that Frame is the most pernicious traitor that Alpha Complex has ever known.
And, Knok-U's observation is quite telling - up until now you have been assigning much blame for forgery of documents to Frame-R-UPP. It would seem you are hiding something - using the cover of your dubious suspicions about the veracity of the existence of Frame to cover for the individual who is actually responsible for signing off those orders. Are you trying to bring the high moral values and the enduring loyalty of The Unknown Citizen into disrepute merely to cover for your own mistakes and oversights?
Now you're just being silly, Costin-U. All Info-ganda contains patent falsehoods; that's because they're registered at the HPD&MC Falsehood Patent Office! Friend Computer knows that sometimes, in order to maintain maximum happiness and stability, sometimes we have to tell the INFRAREDs things that just aren't true. Sometimes the truth hurts, and when it comes to the INFRAREDs, Friend Computer knows that it's better for them to be happy, orderly and misinformed, rather than unhappy and unruly because of some measly truth that they can't do anything about anyway. Such is Friend Computer's wisdom!
And for the record: while I'm the only one currently on this committee to track down some of Frame-R's heinous acts, I'm certainly not the only one in Alpha Complex to do so! Saddamh-U-SIN-28, George-B-USH-43, Unioncar-B-IDE-11, and many others have gone on record to blame Frame-R-UPP for all manner of wrongdoings and malfeasance.
When it comes to patent falsehoods, Jan-U, you certainly do appear to be the expert!
Dear, sweet Costin-U. All of a sudden, you seem excessively interested in smearing my otherwise immaculate reputation. It's rather strange that you chose to do so immediately after I began my investigation of the untimely demise of Flo-U-RID-3. I know that you two had your differences, but given your own loyal service to Alpha Complex and Friend Computer, I'd been ready to dismiss the evidence against you out of hand. But now I have my doubts.
Perhaps you'd like to discuss the matter in private? I'm sure that if we just consider the evidence rationally, clone to clone, we can settle the whole thing. I'd really like to take you off of my list of Prime Suspects, but I can't do so without your help. What do you say?
I have little doubt that your reputation would be somewhat less immaculate were you a little more conscientious in filing all of the Complaint Forms and Treason Reports for your sector, Jan-U-ARY-31. My sector, for comparison, has not had such a form filled out since my rise to power and the implimentation of my Commie_Catcher_[TM] system.
One of Friend Computer's most noteworthy statements, and one that has been repeated even after the introduction of your Commie_Catcher_[TM] system, is that "Traitors are Everywhere." If no Treason Reports have been filed in your sector, Omega-U, then you haven't been working hard enough to find the traitors that must be there.
Deep-seated paranoia to the point of self-inflicted victimization... obsessive behaviour bordering on manic... classic transference. You really are a Psychobot's dream come true, Jan-U. Keep digging that hole for yourself and the rest of us can round off this investigation just in time for you to climb in...