Secret Societies Involved in d'Toothpaste Disaster
Dere's so much juicy stuff here, I almost dunno know where t'start.
Some'a youse is gettin' wit' d'program, vis a vis d'many monetary interests we have in common, an' dat's good... but d'scratch still just ain't coming in quite like it should be. So in d'spirit'a all our future business together, I'm declarin' today "everybody gets some freebies" day. It's what youse might call a "loss leader"-- a little taste, t'whet y'appetite for d'real stuff. Youse might also call it a warnin', if'n youse's particularly perceptive.
Also, since Friend Computer says it really wants us t'find out d'truth 'bout all'a dis, I figger, what d'heck. Let's really open up an' say a few things dat we all know1, but don't generally talk 'bout openly, even wit' other UVs.
I guess it's usually somewhere around YELLOW or GREEN Clearance2 dat a Citizen finally starts t'ask: if'n everybody hates Secret Societies so much, how come everybody is in one? What, it's just a coincidence dat every other Troubleshooter youse worked wit' eventually got caught wit' ties t'one Society or another? Youse thought youse was d'only one tryin' so hard t'keep it a secret from everyone? By d'time you've made BLUE, youse start t'suspect dat some Societies get hunted down more ruthlessly dan others. Youse start t'notice dat Commie_Mutant_Traitors from FCCCP is usually just fined an' demoted, no matter how much havoc they wreak, but Humanists who get caught just sittin' around d'bunkroom playin' cards is terminated immediately. Dis is a tricky time in a Citizen's life, 'cause it's here dat they might come t'some dangerous conclusions an' end up bein' a real problem dat has to be dealt wit', if'n y'know what I mean. But if they navigate dis moral dilemma adequately, they eventually find out d'truth: not all Secret Societies is actually so secret, an' in fact-- despite bein' officially "treasonous"-- not all of 'em is problems dat we intend t'get rid of. Some of 'em is merely accepted as sorta inevitable... but some others is an actual part of what makes Alpha Complex work. We actively need 'em. In fact, we need 'em so much, we created them in d'first place.
1 At least, I figger most'a youse know dis stuff, but I'm coverin' it all from top t'bottom anyway just in case, 'cause I know some'a youse is new at dis y'selves an' didn't get d'benefit'a my particular form'a educatin'. I'll try t'use small words.
2 At least, so's I hear from people who've actually lived their whole lives in d'field instead'a just gettin' decanted two weeks ago.
Before we get into d'specifics of d'many Societies dat is relevant t'dis here report thingy, we should maybe have a whatchacallit, a quick primer provided by dis here ProxyBot who keeps hoppin' around an' askin' questions. Hopefully researchin' dis stuff'll keep him outta my hair for a few minutes.
AUTHORIZATION:OUT:KNOK:C1:12:A9:FF PROXYBOT PP.680 ENGAGED
Hola, party peoples!
Let me tell you, I'm so excited to be here with all of you, right here in the actual body of the official report on the Toothpaste_Disaster! I can't even express it in words! Ai, I have to calm down before I go totally loco! Okay, okay, so I've been asked by this bandito-looking fellow to collate information on the relationship between the legitimate structure of Alpha Complex and the so-called sociedades secretas. The main thing to understand is that virtually all Societies operating in Alpha have been officially categorized into three "tiers":
Class A Societies
These are not only allowed to exist, they are encouraged, funded-- and ultimately protected-- by ULTRAVIOLETS in their core "approved" form to allow for legitimate channels of "leakage" when necessary. By defining the channels along which certain kinds of "treasonous thought" are illegally disseminated3, Alpha leadership is able to largely guide the form of that dissemination. When members of these Societies wish to engage in "treasonous" activities, every effort is made to put them on the trail of some (relatively) innocuous troublemaking.
- Generally begun well over a hundred years ago.
- Have not significantly changed in all that time, usually because of careful management.
- Generally run like Service Firms, with operating officers and a board of directors.
- Punishment for membership is usually minimized to fines and demotion except in severe problem cases.
- Membership measured in many hundreds of thousands Complex-wide.
- 88.3% of all Alpha Citizens belong to or have worked for at least one Class A Society.
- 54.1% of all Alpha Citizens are involved with or more of the top five Class A Societies (including approved sub-sects):
- Enterprise, Romantics, Sierra Club, FCCCP, Death Leopard
Class B Societies
Class B Societies are generally the result of, or a response to, an existing Class A Society, or were themselves once a Class A that has since become less critical to Alpha operations and is now left to succeed or fail on its own merits. Many are splinter offshoots or unapproved sub-sects which have become distinct from parent Class A's and are currently resisting efforts to fold them back into the core originating Society. Most either fold back in or become Class C Societies within fifty years. Not so destructive as to require active elimination, they can nonetheless be rather nasty in short bursts during their transitional phases.
- "Fallen" Class A's are generally over a hundred years old. Splinter groups are generally less than fifty years old.
- Tend to mutate with each generation of 25-35 years.
- Typically focus on small controlling councils or charismatic individual leaders.
- Official punishment for membership is entirely dependent on the treasonous actions involved.
- Membership varies widely, from mere tens or hundreds of Citizens, to perhaps many tens of thousands or even a couple hundred thousand while trendy.
- Only 28.1% of all Alpha Citizens belong to or have worked for at least one Class B Society.
- 12.9% of all Alpha Citizens are involved with one or more of the top five Class B Societies:
- Corpore Metal, Illuminati, Mystics, Pro Tech, Anti-Mutants
Class C Societies
This family of Societies is actively problematic for Alpha. Muy malo! Their continued existence fundamentally interferes with Alpha operation. Most of them have risen independently of any planned or approved design. Some are former Class B organizations which underwent significant alteration as membership changed. While it may seem like the majority of Alpha's enforcement resources are expended on opposing the well-known Class A Societies (especially in the public eye of the Lower Clearances), a close analysis of budgets, policy statements, and actual successful Troubleshooter case studies clearly show that the true focus remains on the Class C organizations.
- Some are quite old, as old as the Class A groups. Most are at least ten years old; very new Societies are classified as B until they can be infiltrated enough to assess.
- Remain resistant to change, usually because of simple and strong ideology.
- Usually operate in semi-independent cells and rarely have a clear hierarchy or command structure.
- Punishment of members, which caught, is invariably termination.
- Membership estimates can difficult as the number of active members at any given time will rise and fall rapidly, but generally at least in the tens of thousands.
- 40.5% of all Alpha Citizens belong to or have worked for at least one Class C Society!
- 27.3% of all Alpha Citizens are involved with one or more of the top five Class C Societies:
- Communist Party, Computer Phreaks, PURGE, Humanists, Psion
So there you have it, amigos! Not that I'm casting any aspersions on any of you fine folks-- I'm sure all of you only engage in approved activities, naturalmente-- but you might know a "friend" who belongs to a Secret Society, and consider the Class of Society to which that "friend" is assigned. Perhaps they could get out before it's too late.
Living life as an open book,
PROXYBOT PP.680 DISENGAGED
3 Specifically, "treasonous" ideas what are basically impossible t'actually keep secret, like d'existence'a d'Outdoors an' d'Old Reckonin'.
Membership Has Its Rewards
Astute readers might notice dat some'a dose numbers add up t'more'n 100%. Dis is 'cause many Citizens work in two or more Societies-- often wit'out their knowledge. Dis is especially true'a Citizens involved wit' Class C Societies. They may believe they's fulfillin' d'agenda'a their Class A or B Society, when in fact, double agents within dose Societies have 'em fulfillin' d'objectives'a some entirely other, much nastier Society.
Secret Societies-- even d' ones we don't run ourselves-- have become d'lynchpins in many basic Alpha operations, in many cases replacing d'legitimate procedures f'such things as promotion, access t'equipment, livin' arrangements, reassignment, etc. wit' their own methods which, let's face it, sometimes work better'n d'official processes. d'Vast majority'a promotions from INFRARED t'RED occur in direct correlation t'induction into some sort of Secret Society; it just ain't all dat likely dat some INFRARED is actually gonna be noticed by d'system an' promoted f'merit, but d'Societies is always lookin' f'throwaway fodder.4 Successive promotions may continue t'be tied more t'youse performance in youse Society dan in y'actual job, or may become dependent on short- or long-term allegiances wit' additional Societies. An' wit' d'end'a GASES, it's rare dat anyone is able t'change Service Firms or Sector residence without a Secret Society lubricatin' d'transaction. Knowin' more Societies means havin' more options along dese lines. Thus, d'high rate of double-, triple-, an' quadruple agents in d'middle Clearances.5
4 A recent interrogation poll taken by Internal Security indicated dat only 3.1% 'a Alpha Citizens'a RED Clearance or higher have absolutely no demonstrable leanings towards or connections wit' any known Secret Society. However, it's also since been determined dat 4.4% 'a Alpha Citizens is reasonably resistant t' d'particular methodology used in dis poll.
5 Internal Security has calculated d'average RED+ Citizen belongs t' 1.4142 Secret Societies. d'Fact dat 1.4142 is also d'square root'a 2 suggests t'me dat IntSec is just makin' numbers up lately.
d'Societies What is Relevant t'Dis Report
Dis is what youse really came for, naturally: Which Societies had involvement in d'chain of events leading up to an' outta d'Toothpaste_Disaster? It should come as no surprise dat virtually alla them had a hand in some part or another. It should also come as no surprise dat every member'a dis very Commission has ties t'at least one'a dese organizations.6
Each'a dese write-ups comes from d'relevant header files in d'offline support tools f'editing Friend Computer.7 I didn't write none'a them; I just had dis ProxyBot pull 'em up an' I'm postin' d'most recent documentation right outta d'raw file. Some'a youse will recognize more dan a few'a them, seein' as how youse y'selves wrote or edited some'a dese headers in d'last few years. Don't bother denyin' it; dat might impress d'kiddies down in YELLOW-ville but we're all ULTRAVIOLETS on dis panel and we can all read d'change logs.
Wit' each writeup is additional material specific t' d'Disaster. Dis is d'part where d'freebies come in. Don't youse worry y'head off, everbody gets a piece. Lotsa interestin' data t'access-- no need t'take my word for it, lotsa evidence is attached so youse can all see it. No sense in just shoutin' "NUH-UH!" like youse usually do; youse wouldn't believe how much time I spent gettin' all dis evidence on alla youse, an' I guarantee it's more legit dan mosta d'bullcrap youse all been spoutin' d'last few weeks. Especially since some'a it has been secretly sittin' around wit' my buddies f'months just waitin' f'd'right opportunity t'pull it out. Now's d'time, I'm thinkin'.
So take youse time, read it over, find out what everyone else has been up to, y'know? I hope youse enjoy it as much as I have been. We'll talk business at d'end.
6 If either'a dose came as a surprise t'youse, consider gettin' outta d'High Programmer business.
7 Maybe youse thought dat just 'cause I talk like a lunk means I can't RTFM. Maybe youse also thought dat youse was one'a d'few High Programmers who routinely tinkers wit' an' recompiles core Computer functionality an' tracks who else has been runnin' offline simulators. Maybe youse figures most HPs is as lazy as you an' can't be bothered t'backtrack through change an' submit logs in d'central repositories t'figger out what changes youse's been makin' recently. An' maybe youse think I dunno anythin' about youse. Maybe youse also think youse's somehow d'special one dat nobody has anythin' on 'cause you buried all d'evidence'a y'former Clones. Maybe also youse's is a dumbass.
Alpha Complex Rifle Association (Class B) +FCCCP offshoot created by and for Armed Forces guys, mostly. Close ties.+ +Armed Forces is trying to get a Class A charter for this organization. +Hey, I found some Old Reckoning files the other day that suggested everyone should have the right to own and carry a gun. Of course, it also suggested people should be able to gather in arbitrarily large groups at will and say whatever they want.+ +No surprise. We know there were crazy people in the Old Reckoning.+
Dese guys set up d'napalm production facility in d'TNT Sector Chapstick_Factory, makin' napalm t'exchange f'Uranium-Depleted_Shells and (supposedly) a Boomstick. d'Interestin' thing, a'course, is who they was makin' this deal wit.
It also turns out Drake-U weren't far off when he speculated dat dese guys was involved in d'disappearance'a Action_Squad_Alpha. It wasn't ACRA dat whacked 'em-- quite d'opposite! It was d'guy they was makin' d'exchange wit' who did it-- d'same guy what was behind d'disappearance'a d'fissile material from Nuclear_Facility_RON-372/B, dat was supposed t'go t' Costin-U's labs.
d'Stolen material was lifted in order t'make d'DPU ammo, but den it got diverted t'Psion an' Corpore Metal (see later on) by a third party. d'Action Squad was workin' f'ACRA on d'side, an' dey was scheduled t'make d'pickup'a d'DPU. d'Seller, knowin' he didn't have d'DPU-- 'cause his stolen fissiles got stolen-- used Acidophizz-injected Citizen-monster Ayleean-B-LUD-3 t'slaughter d'Squad.
Now who could get Ayleeab-B t'do such a thing f'them? Obviously someone highly placed in R&D. An' who could make contact wit', an' cut a deal wit', ACRA-- notorious f'their "religious" intolerance? Obviously someone wit' FCCP affiliations. Say, do we have any R&D people what have talked about anythin' like "forgivable traces of FCCCP"...? Why, I think dat we do!
Dat same individual den decided t'cut bait entirely an' erase all trace'a d'napalm lab before they could turn him in-- usin' Fire-and-Forgetpicks purchased from Halle-B-RTN-4 through KriegsList. d'Logs'a dat transaction is included in d'attached ZipPaq. d'Destruction'a d'chapstick factory by 'picks woulda been covered up as always, so dere wouldna been much attention on it. Ironically, it's only 'cause d'rest'a d'Disaster happened dat d'TNT Sector factory got looked into. An' I bet dat individual would really like t'know who d'third party was dat diverted their stolen radioactives t'Psion an' Corpore Metal, huh? 'Cause nothin' reduces d'sting'a bein' accused like havin' someone else t'get revenge on. Don't worry, dat's comin'. Read a little further on.
An' den, a'course, dere's d'issue'a Billy-BOB-3 an' d'TacNuke what ACRA had him carry into COL Sector. Dat was a whole other thing. I gotta admit I'm a bit surprised Screwz-U was able t'find leverage over dem-- enough leverage t'make them send a suicide bomb in t'take out dat Jelloidal_InterNode_Exchange_(JINx) dat he always hated so much. Another bit'a irony, dat d'very effort t'stop Billy-BOB from destroyin' d'JINx led t'an incident what destroyed d'JINx.
DOWNLOADED D733C/B... PAUL-U-LEG'S DEAL WITH ACRA
DOWNLOADED 7CL3S/V... SCREWZ-U-BAD'S VENDETTA AGAINST THE JINX
Anti-Mutants (Class B) +Began as a CLASS A when GENETIC DRIFT first appeared in the population.+ +Purpose was to discourage "clean" genelines from breeding with "drifted" individuals.+ +Made obsolete by the CLONING PROCESS, but never died out entirely.+ +Resurged on its own when drift appeared in the clone systems.+ +Decision regarding status and treatment is OVERDUE at this point.+
- d'Anti-Mutants is prolly gonna just die on their own in another generation or so, as registration'a mutations becomes more an' more accepted, an' d'cloning systems get worse an' worse at preventing mutation in new Citizens. It won't be long b'fore everybody has a mutant power-- if'n dat day ain't already here, in fact.
Mostly, they is largely vestigial at dis point, but dere is a strong old-school core in HPD&MC dat don't wanna let it go, 'cause they've still got big anti-mutation advertisin' budgets dat exist mostly outta legacy at dis point. Dere's no more official need f'quite so much public outrage, but d'money still keeps gettin' set aside each quarter... an' endin' up in d'pockets'a a handful'a HPD&MC execs, one'a whom is, naturally enough, on dis panel.
Of more interest an' relevance is d'fact dat d'single largest employer'a Anti-Mutant members is Syntelligent_Systems, which ruthlessly pursues any opportunity t'control anti-mutant R&D projects-- such as Mutant_Traps an' d'attempts t'train Wyrms t'identify an' hunt mutants on command-- not t'make dese projects succeed, but specifically t'make dem fail. Don't believe Circ-U's hype; dese projects ain't gone nowhere. Not just because he's linin' his own pocket wit' some'a d'budget; he's deliberately scuttlin' d'results. It's 'cause he deliberately wants t'tie up d'Anti-Mutants an' keep 'em from makin' any real progress-- t'keep his own mutated ass covered. Keep y'friends close an' y'enemies closer, indeed!
DOWNLOADED 282lck/ff... UNSPENT ANTI-MUTANT AD BUDGET GOING TO DON-U-DON
DOWNLOADED l23d83/c7... DELIBERATE BLOCKING OF MUTATION-RELATED PROJECTS BY CIRC-U-LAT
Arm & Hammer Group (Class B) +Small clique by and for Hygiene Officers, mostly.+ +Too new to completely classify.+
Dese guys mostly just steal cleanin' products'a various types, such as Whitener_Compounds and Omega-Hybrizine. Although they do got connections t'a certain HPD&MC maniac wit' an obsession f'bright an' happy smiles, d'more interestin' thing is d'two Power Services executives what have been interferin' wit' Watt-U's legitimate inquiries into dis group. d'Funny thing is, only one'a them is interferin' 'cause'a their association wit' d'Arm & Hammers; d'other is interferin' f'personal reasons.
DOWNLOADED 887cc1F... BRUSH-U-TTH INTERACTION WITH ARM & HAMMER GROUP
DOWNLOADED dc92l82... KEN-U-RON AND COSTIN-U-MOR INTERFERENCE WITH INVESTIGATION
Communists (Class C) +I don't want to sound like a Humanist or anything, but have any of the rest of you ever turned up a Communist cell with records dating back to before Alpha? Or even dating back more than a few years? Every time my people bust up another Communist Party cell, it turns out they were just a bunch of people who decided to start a cell because they wanted to see what it would feel like. No other contacts, no larger organization, no long term agenda. Just a handful of losers. +Maybe we should just start an official Class A so that all the wannabes will flock to it and any ACTUAL Communist organization will (hopefully) unveil itself in an attempt to destroy competition. +I thought we already tried that once? +The KKK was pretty big. Past tense.
A little tricky, dis one, 'cause in d'two hundred years dat Alpha's been in operation, d'word "Commie" has gotten applied t'pretty much anythin' we don't like. d'Word has lost a lotta its actual meanin'-- "commies" ain't d'same thing as "Communists", but dat mostly gets forgotten by folks-- if'n they ever knew it in d'first place. So some would say dat "commies" was involved in almost everythin' dat happened. But it mostly turns out, naw, it was just garden-variety traitors an' terrorists f'most'a it. However, dere was definitely activity from more'n one group what legitimately self-identified as "Communists". (Most Citizens executed as "commies" don't thinka demselves as being such. Mosta youse probably don't thinka youselves as Commies, even though youse is totally a buncha traitors.)
d'Kore Kommudant Kommittee was probably 'bout as big a Communist organization as ever's gotten identified, wit' a few hundred members or so. They ain't around no more, at least not in d'numbers they had, but they's probably splinter offshoots all over d'place, not d'least of which is d'League_of_Extraordinary_Dadaists. It is pretty clear dat d'DYT Sector cell dat IntSec mole How-R-YOU-2 belonged to was one'a dese offshoot splinters. Dat ain't so interestin'.
Of more interest t'some'a youse will be d'identity'a his closest peer, a certain Internal Security operative who FART'd outta his Sector'a origin as a lowly RED into DYT Sector... who screened alla How-R's messages while he was undercover... who eventually sold How-R out in exchange f'some favors... an' right after d'confusion'a d'Disaster, somehow got magically promoted straight t'ULTRAVIOLET an' den somehow failed t'mention his relationship wit' How-R in d'very entry on his former partner. d'Funny thing is, dose favors was comin' through a go-between an' d'ultimate source'a dat promotion-- who oversaw d'FART into DYT Sector-- is right here on dis panel. I dunno why anyone would wanna promote some RED into being a peer. Maybe his benefactor is just crazy. Dat ain't my problem. I jus' know it happened.
DOWNLOADED JD9DJ3/23... MESH-U-GNA'S CAREER HISTORY WITH HOW-R-YOU
DOWNLOADED C7C3LL/14... ERR-U-DYT'S "MENTORING" OF MESH-U
Computer Phreaks (Class C) +I was thinking the other day how ironic it is that we pound the Phreaks so hard, seeing as how they just do the same thing we do. Hell, how many of *you* used a Phreak to get ahead a notch or two and then turned him in and had him fried before he could snitch on you? Weirdly ironic; the only difference between us and them is that we're "supposed" to tamper with the raw system & they aren't, at least not yet.+ +Better them than me. They wanna live, they should learn to code better.+ +Agreemsg.+
d'Phreaks is d'origin'a alla dose fake dummy ME identities, like Frame-R-UPP-4 an' such, which keep turnin' up in d'rest'a d'evidence regardin' d'Disaster. A great deal'a d'tamperin' wit' evidence is their doin', as well.
They was responsible f'forgin' Internal_Security_Order_3367/4-LAH as well, but it wasn't their idea. They was hired by a good friend'a theirs, whose Service Firm affiliations continue t'be masked by them t'this very day. Dis "unaffiliated" individual sent in d'Unidentified_Contractors t'take out Drake-U's filesharing operation-- such as his very successful bootlegs'a Paris-I-LTN versus d'Flossbot_Mk_II-- but I don't believe they was successful, if'n f'no other reason dan I just saw a trailer f'Drake-U's "Clones Gone Wild XIV". I could be wrong, though, maybe dat's a legitimate PLC release.
DOWNLOADED 03A23/L... KILL-U-DED'S INTERFERENCE WITH DRAKE-U'S FILESHARING OPERATIONS
DOWNLOADED 3K3D3/A... DRAKE-U-LAH'S CONNECTIONS TO FILE SHARING COMMUNITY
Corpore Metal (Class B) +Pro-Tech offshoot. About thirty years old, with emergence of refined cyborging. +Going through difficult transition; may need to become Class C. +This is the fault of you old fogies who had chips implanted in your heads wayback. +Shut up. Nothing wrong with my chips. +Everything's wrong with your chips, Toothy. har har
Paul-U, youse gonna wanna pay attention here: Some'a youse stolen fissiles ended up wit' Corpore thanks t'a certain high-programmer wit' a four-digit clone number. Corpore was goin' t'get d'CyberHack_Programming_Helmet for him in exchange f'd'fissiles-- dat's how they ended up involved in puttin' d'Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX circuits in d'Denta-Bots, as a diversion so they's could get d'CHPH. But d'Bots was more'n they could handle an' they had to abort d'mission.
Den d'CHPH went missin' thanks t'Halle-B-RTN-4 an' now our HP friend is out on a limb tryin' t'get it himself, before any'a d'rest'a us do-- even goin' so far as t'interfere wit' d'Easter_Bunny_Device t'prevent it from gettin' back into Syntelligent_Systems hands before he could get it himself.
Not dat I want d'CHPH back in Syntelligent's hands'r nothin', but Circ-U might want t'have "words" wit' Omega-U about his sick obsession an' all d'trouble Syntelligent has had as a result. As always, I know some fellas dat could maybe help improve d'vocabulary involved.
DOWNLOADED d773ld7/28... OMEGA-U-MAN'S PURSUIT OF THE CYBERHACK PROGRAMMING HELMET
DOWNLOADED 0s83jdl/27... OMEGA-U-MAN'S FISSILE DEALINGS WITH CORPORE METAL
Death Leopard (Class A) +The counter-culture impulse towards violence, outrageous behavior, and contrary resistance turns out to be really easy to control, once you define the outlet and use HPD&MC techniques to make some forms of rebellion "cooler" than others.+ +For every individual that manages to harm some number of Citizens with a bomb, there are dozens who think they're living hardcore non-conformity to the hilt by spray-painting "Teela-O Rulz" in gold paint everywhere. Continue to encourage on these lines. Vandalism not so bad, relatively.+ +We should have figured this one out much earlier.+ +Need to cut back on using them as unwitting shock troops for Armed Forces actions.+
They was all over d'place on d'Disaster, most notably on Project_Finite_Hole, where they was interfacin' wit' Enkid-U from time t'time, who supplied 'em wit' a wide variety'a specialized R&D equipment'a d'more destructive variety. Dat much is pretty obvious in d'records, but what youse may not realize is dat they was specifically asked t'target Servs-U in their activities. In fact, they's still followin' dat original order, nearly a year later-- dose recent assaults on Servs-U have been Death Leopards dat Enkid-U never bothered t'put back onna leash. Guess them R&D rivalries run pretty deep, huh?
They also assisted wit' d' reprogrammin'a d'CyberChomp_4000 units, workin' wit' d'False_Teeth_Conspiracy f'awhile. Dis was Brush-U's idea-- part'a a campaign he was workin' on dat was t'be called "Happy Chompers", dat clearly got outta hand. Dis ain't got nothin' t'do wit' d' attempt on Lenin's_Tooth; dat's a separate thing-- all Brush-U did was get Death Leopard involved on d'CyberChomps. All d'missin' CyberChomps, by d'way, is in TTH Sector. Dat's a good trick youse got dere, Brush-U, keepin' 'em under control like dat.
Finally, d'Leopards have been involved in some number'a Beta-Toxystene poisonings, puttin' it in Algae Vats. d'First one'a dese appears t'have been accidental doin' on Jan-U's part-- I don't even think she's aware she did it herself, judgin' from comments she's made-- but d'other ones I think is just copycats who saw d'mistake an' thought it would be cool t'do more on purpose.
DOWNLOADED 3nd873l/8... KNOWN DEATH LEOPARDS GIVEN R&D EQUIPMENT BY ENKID-U-RUK
DOWNLOADED hj737df/5... BRUSH-U-TTH'S ORDER TO CORRAL LOOSE CYBERCHOMPS
DOWNLOADED j847dlk/5... JAN-U-ARY ACCIDENTALLY SENDS BETA-TOXYSTENE TO NIX SECTOR VATS
False Teeth Conspiracy
Aside from d'CyberChomps, which I just covered, their other thing was d'attempt t'steal Lenin's_Tooth. Drake-U did a good job zeroin' in on dis one-- d'attempt during d'Disaster was at Dursch-U's instigation, an attempt t'achieve closure on d'job his Clone predecessor fell down on six years ago, gettin' killed by d'Troubleshooters when he tried t'take d'Tooth from 'em. No doubt when Dursch-8 is gone, Dursch-9 will keep on tryin'.
DOWNLOADED g63kkdf67/17... DURSCH-U-WTZ-6 DEBRIEFING OF MISSION CST.696
DOWNLOADED 7nf3fj3d2/56... DURSCH-U-WTZ-7 MULTIPLE INQUIRIES INTO LOCATION OF TOOTH
DOWNLOADED gvmv634ld/56... DURSCH-U-WTZ-8 "GASES" REQUEST TO LOCATION OF TOOTH
FCCCP (Class A) +Established openly & officially by first generation to live entirely within Alpha.+ +Subsided to Class B status about 110 years ago and went "secret".+ +Has enjoyed huge resurgence of popularity in the last 40 years.+ +The most openly-acknowledged Society in Alpha, members often give the "secret" wink to each other in full view of Computer cams without fear of punishment. Purpose is to provide a "religious" framework for Citizens, placing Friend Computer in the role of the divine creator to be worshipped.+ +Recategorized as top-five Class A. Let's encourage membership. Use music groups?+
Their involvement in Project_Infinite_Hole, an' their relationship t' Paul-U, have been well-documented elsewhere.
Aside from Paul-U, d'only other member'a dis commission wit' ongoin' ties t'FCCCP is Jan-U, who made her first million sellin' religious paraphernalia t'First Generation believers. (Dat was back before dere was a unified economy, by d'way-- more on dat later.) "Coincidentally", when dat business came under some recent IntSec scrutiny, she transfered ownership to d'late Flo-U-RID-3, also an FCCCP'er.
DOWNLOADED g663kd6/d8... TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP FROM JAN-U-ARY TO FLO-U-RID
Filesharers (Class B) +Less malevolent sub-sect of Computer Phreaks.+ +Would be Class C if we didn't need to fileshare so much as part of legit operation.+ +Legit operation? Maybe if you mean making a ton of money for yourself, Knok.+
One'a d'worst kept ULTRAVIOLET secrets is d'fact dat somethin' like 64.31% 'a all filesharing transactions is, in whole or in part, quietly run by (or kicked back to) PLC. An' it would be dishonest'a me t'pretend dat my predecessors, Knok-U-OUT-5 and -6 didn't make quite a bit on their share'a d'whole scheme.
But not as much as certain other PLC executives, who not only had d'Paris-I-LTN video before everyone else, but also d'infamous footage'a Teela-O d'day someone treasonously slipped Disinhibitrom into d'food bein' served on d'shooting set dat day. d'PLC caterin' staff dat daycycle was outta LAH Sector. Whatta coincidence, huh? Not t'mention all dose "Clones Gone Wild" discs. But whattya expect from someone who seems t'know so much about Old Reckonin' sexual antics, as demonstrated in his comments about d'Easter_Bunny_Device.
He also has some interestin' footage'a some'a youse folks, not t'mention footage'a my predecessor, "Six", when he was "interviewin'" dose two hotties from OUS Sector. Funny-- dat was about d'last time anyone woulda seen him before Drake-U-1 attacked him. Seems t'me like maybe Drake-1 and Drake-2 maybe ain't so outta touch after all.
DOWNLOADED d0g83ld/d7... SOME FURTHER EXAMPLES OF "CONVENIENT" DRAKE-U-LAH FOOTAGE
Frankenstein Destroyers (Class C) Established by Humanists who were double-agenting into PURGE. Sorry. They were Purgers double-agenting into the Humanists. You don't know what you're talking about, Mesh. Nice comeback. Did you think of it yourself or did someone sell it to you?
Forget about their theft'a so much RhinoKleen. d'Real story here is dat they was given free reign durin' d'ToothpasteRebellion t'smash up any an' all bots dat they could. Make-U issued instructions t'his Armed Forces troops t'prioritize suppression'a rioting Citizens doin' anythin' else except destroyin' Bots. Even Citizens who was just sittin' somewhere tryin' t'stay clear'a d'massacre was massacred, while right next t'them, another Citizen might be tearin' d'limbs offa some scrubot.
Turns out dis is far from d'first time Make-U has found opportunities t'destroy lotsa Bots under d'cover'a some kinda "legitimate" Armed Forces action.
d'Frankenstein Destroyers also have some history wit' Loose-I-FER-1 an' all dat entails but it turns out t'be less related t'd'Disaster dan I hoped.
DOWNLOADED c3md773l/g7... MAKE-U-CRY HISTORY OF ANTI-BOT VIOLENCE
Free Enterprise (Class A) +Alpha began as a moneyless society, operating purely on need and ability, but it turned out Citizens work better if reward is commensurate to effort. This leads to a need for quantification, and hence a monetary system. Several pirate currencies started up within the first 50 years of Alpha existence. Eventually, Enterprise was begun by Alpha leadership and ran at a loss for years until it completely dominated the market and its currency became the most widely-used one. That is the monetary system we use today.+ +There has been talk on and off for many years now about lapsing official silent control of Enterpise and letting it subside to Class B status, but it turns out we have no better throttle and brake for controlling the Alpha economy.+ +Plus, who doesn't like being RICH???
Pretty much everyone who's anyone in PLC-- most certainly includin' Jan-U, Omega-U, Drake-U, an' even myself an' my predecessors-- at least work wit', if not actually for, Enterprise. I mean, come on, youse didn't actually think d'whole system runs on nothin' but havin' d'right form filled out, did youse?
Really, everyone has ties t'dese guys, an' while I don't think they directly triggered any element'a d'Disaster themselves, let's face it-- black market money was all over d'Disaster like slime on a Vat wall. From Halle-B-RTN-4 t'... well, t'some people I might know in OUS Sector... an' everywhere in between, on KriegsList... alla it. But mostly it's d'PLC types. Feel free t'see which one'a us is d'richest dese days; d'answer might surprise youse. (I'm hopin' d'numbers is gonna shift after dis entry! Har.)
DOWNLOADING do2388d/dd... JAN-U-ARY INVOLVEMENT IN FREE ENTERPRISE
DOWNLOADING uif873l/gu... OMEGA-U-MAN INVOLVEMENT IN FREE ENTERPRISE
DOWNLOADING rwkwddw/g7... KNOK-U-OUT INVOLVEMENT IN FREE ENTERPRISE
DOWNLOADING 3lldudd/h8... DRAKE-U-LAH INVOLVEMENT IN FREE ENTERPRISE
Humanists (Class C) +Often mistaken for other groups such as the Romantics or Pro Tech+ +Often mistaken for generic "Communists"+ +All other goals are secondary to the goal of removing the Computer from Alpha Complex+ +Obviously, this cannot be allowed+
Err-U an' Screwz-U are in a better position t'speak on dis subject but they's gonna deny everythin'. Most CPU personnel are Humanists masqueradin' as Romantics or Pro Tech. Alpha_Complexity was a Humanist plot, f'example. Not Romantics at all. Color me unsurprised dat Screwz-U didn't correct Jan-U's mistake. I find dis group's heades extremely amusin' in d'ironic sense since, as mosta youse already know, dere is a vote every ten years dat all d'High Programmers participate in-- usin' proxy Troubleshooter teams dispatched t'an Outdoor location known only as "Tribal Council"-- on whether it's finally time tc7u7ckk3d d7c 3cf77c73 d aCARRIER BREAK-IN DETECTED
PACKETS LOST / NO REDUNDANCY / PACKETS DROPPED
CARRIER ACK RECEIVEDac88 but hey, I'm already a marked man. Maybe d'Toothpaste_Disaster is d'final sign an' it's time t'go through with it.
DOWNLOADING c3lld7832/33... ERR-U-DYT HUMANIST PLOTS DISGUISED AS ROMANTICS ACTIVITY
DOWNLOADING c73lllc77/36... SCREWZ-U-BAD MESSAGES FROM ALPHA COMPLEXITY
INFRARED Citizens (No Classification)
Not really a Secret Society, but... d'youse ever get d'feeling dat Alpha Complex is being controlled by a shadowy, faceless cabal'a ten million completely clueless idiots who got no idea what's going on? 'Cause I feel dat way sometimes, an' lookin' around dis here report thingy, I can't help but wonder if'n maybe d'single group what contributed to d'Disaster d'most-- other dan alla youse treasonous bastards-- is d'INFRARED horde. Lookit some'a dis:
Swarms'a INFRARED rioters in d'ToothpasteRebellion
How many'a d'problems dat happened was caused or complicated by INFRARED misunderstandin' of InfoGlyphs?
It was an INFRARED wit' a TacNuke dat set off d'COL_gate_incident
- d'List just goes on an' on...
Illuminati (Class B)
- Noticed how nobody's even breathed a word 'bout dese guys since dis whole thing has started? An' yetg3 gb773 d8d2l cc g83CARRIER BREAK-IN DETECTED
PACKETS LOST / NO REDUNDANCY / PACKETS DROPPED
- CARRIER ACK RECEIVEDchjkkkffect every single one'a youse, an' as much as I hate alla youse, nobody deserves t'go out dat way. My ass is already covered; youse should do d'same, f'alla our sakes.
ATTACHMENT ???????/?? NOT FOUND
Internal Security (Class A) +Was this really the first Secret Society ever? +Pretty much. When the population of Alpha got to a certain size it became clear to certain individuals that there needed to be a police force within the police force, and originally it was begun as a silent agreement among certain members of law enforcement to be the watchers who watched the watchmen. Eventually, it was codified and eventually became the entirety of law enforcement.+ +Consider for privatization.+
- I didn't put d'whole tail'a dis particular header file 'cause dere's a flame-war like 500 lines long after d'part I quote above. Har!
Anyone else know why Jan-U is d'one reportin' on IntSec's investigation into her an' her relationship wit' Flo-U an' her religious-artifacts business, an' alla dat? Yeah, 'course youse do; we all know it, but here's a free download anyway.
DOWNLOADED g63kd7663/22... UNLICENSED PAYMENTS FROM INTERNAL SECURITY TO JAN-U-ARY
League of Extraordinary Dadaists (Class B) +Formerly known as League of Extreme Communism, which was a Class C.+ +New splinter group. Less than one year old.+ +Objectives may no longer be Communist, but rather, simply insane.+
Dese guys totally own Drake-U-LAH-1 now, an' maybe Drake-2 as well. They's d'undisputed enemy'a d'OUS_Sector_Cabal. I wish I had more time t'go on about 'em, since they is actually surprisin'ly close t'puttin' d'cap on their plan t'totally destroy d'whole world an' Alpha Complex along wit' it.
Mystics (Class B) +Have you ever thought... like, maybe YOU'RE the Computer?+ +Whoa, man, it's like... everything is connected, y'know?+ +I had this dream... I had, like, REALLY LONG fingernails and I was a rockstar.+ +I love you guys. And I really, really mean it. It's not just the drugs this time.+
- Let's face it, every one'a youse has needed d'help'a some Mystic or another. d'War on Mysticism is in, what, its one hundred seventy-fourth year an' it still ain't been won? Yeah. Well, hey, we is all friends here, right? Let's all share! My name is Knok-U-OUT-7 an' every once in a while, I'm kinda sorta a Mystic. Whatever gets youse through d'daycycle, y'know?
DOWNLOADING gb73723l/g7... BRUSH-U-TTH'S ADDICTION TO HAPPY/JOY PILLS
DOWNLOADING hjmfrf33/2k... CEE-U-LTR'S REACTOR-CORE GURU WORSHIP
DOWNLOADING je77dfl2/ik... CIRC-U-LAT'S ABUSE OF ORGANIC FUNGUS PSYCHEDELICS
DOWNLOADING coof8wed/l3... COSTIN-U-MOR'S LOVE FOR SHORT-CHAIN POLYMER INHALANTS
DOWNLOADING wkd8h834/i2... DON-U-DON'S WEEKLY MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER APPOINTMENTS
DOWNLOADING biueulsl/f8... DRAKE-U-LAH'S GOTH PAGAN COVEN "DANCE" PARTIES
DOWNLOADING b8783ldd/w8... DURSCH-U-WTZ'S HIGHLY ACADEMIC RELIANCE ON HALLUCINOGENS
DOWNLOADING bkleduiu/j7... ENKID-U-RUK'S ENJOYMENT OF LIVE-CURRENT BRAIN-SHOCK IMPLANTS
DOWNLOADING eiellduw/g7... ERR-U-DYT'S DEPENDENCE ON HOME-COOKED STIMULANTS
DOWNLOADING wudu33df/o3... JAN-U-ARY'S EVER-CHANGING BRAIN-TANK COCKTAIL
DOWNLOADING hueue722/t8... KEN-U-RON'S TENDENCY TO HUFF IN A PAPER BAG UNTIL HE FALLS OVER
DOWNLOADING vbueulew/y8... KILL-U-DED'S POOR CHOICE OF AGGRESSION-ALTERING DISINHIBITORS
DOWNLOADING 45jjf7f3/g7... KNOK-U-OUT'S RECREATIONAL USE OF DENTAL ANESTHETIC
DOWNLOADING gg83lld8/r1... MAKE-U-CRY'S PROGRAM OF STEROID SUPPLEMENTS
DOWNLOADING euf77fee/j2... MESH-U-GNA'S VERY UNDERSTANDING RABBI
DOWNLOADING huruewdd/u3... OMEGA-U-MAN'S PERSONAL TRAINER
DOWNLOADING gey33dd3/h1... PAUL-U-LEG'S DAILY AFFIRMATION MEDITATION MEDICATION
DOWNLOADING hur77w3d/j8... SCREWZ-U-BAD'S TOP SHELF CRACK HABIT
DOWNLOADING wf77flel/n7... SERVS-U-RIT'S ABILITY TO GET HIGH ON JUST ABOUT ANYTHING
DOWNLOADING buer773l/h7... TOOTHY-U-NIX'S OPIUM DEN
DOWNLOADING g77dl322/b8... WATT-U-GOT'S FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD DOMINATRIX
Open Sores Community (Class C) +Even worse sub-sect of Computer Phreaks, if that's possible.+ +Believe access to raw Bot and Computer programming code should be available to all.+ +What, let everyone tamper with Friend Computer the way WE do?+ +Libertarians, every one of them. Death is too good.+
I dunno what a "libertarian" is, but anyone else find it suspicious dat Omega-U took on d'review'a dese guys an' den didn't actually review 'em? 'Course youse did. He's not a member, though, he's way too busy wit' Corpore Metal an' Psion deals. But he's d'guy what originally leaked d'PIC 1.7.0 plans outta PLC many years ago, before he was an ULTRAVIOLET, so it wouldn't surprise me if'n he was involved in d'use'a d'Communist Public License dat ultimately created d'Fire-and-Forgetpicks.
However, he's not responsible f'them gettin' their hands on d'missing Information_Distortion CA/RD's. Dat's Toothy-U's doin', but I think he ain't doin' it voluntarily. I think he's bein' compelled by members'a d'Committee on d'ItemsInQuestion.
DOWNLOADING nm7d34kl/3j... OMEGA-I-MAN CLEARS ACCESS PASSWORD FOR "PIC" TEAM DIRECTORY
DOWNLOADING 73lf73dg/g7... TOOTHY-U-NIX REMOVES FOUR ID CA/RD PROTOS FROM R&D
Pro Tech (Class B) +One of the first Societies established early in Alpha existence.+ +An anti-technology sentiment was commonplace in the early population.+ +? +"Technology" was identified with the catastrophe that destroyed the Old Reckoning world, and tech-related terminology began to become derogatory. The development of Pro Tech, and the "Tech is Good" counter-campaign, was among the first operations attempted by the newly established Department of Housing Preservation and Development (DHPD, now HPD&MC).+ +Harmless except when they steal gadgets.+
d'Secondart relevance t'dis report is dat Halle-B-RTN-4 is a member.
d'Main relevance is dat so are both Cee-U an' Watt-U. I bet neither'a them knew dat d'other was on d'opposite side'a d' Project_Infinite_Hole vs. Project_Finite_Hole wars. (Cee: dat round'a "food poisoning" dat killed youse VIOLET_Supervisors d'day youse wasn't as hungry as usual? Dat was Watt. Watt: all dose elevator-related accidents dat youse kept managing t'avoid? Dat was Cee. Have at, fellas.)
DOWNLOADING lhj84ldf/n3... MORE ACCIDENTS ARRANGED BY CEE-U-LTR
DOWNLOADING j78372d2/n7... MORE ACCIDENTS ARRANGED BY WATT-U-GOT
Psion (Class C) +Very briefly begun as a Class A. There was an early HPD&MC effort to recast the increasing genetic drift in the population as "The Next Stage of Human Evolution" instead of, well, an ever-increasing rate of three-limbed half-blind idiots who could occasionally light themselves on fire with their own minds. Computer decided the word "evolution" should be eliminated from the language, there was a huge purge of HPD&MC personae, and the organization was terminated. However, of course, an underground version was formed and has persisted to this day.+ +Working actively on building up enough Machine Empaths to take over every node in the Computer at the same time and enslave it to their collective will.+
As secret societies go, dese guys might not be so bad if'n it weren't f'da fact dat they don't see all mutations as bein' equally acceptable, an' some mutants what go t'em get judged as "not good enough", an' get burned on d'spot. A lotta Syntelligent_Systems projects produce spin-off technology f'dese guys. I won't say Circ-U is necessarily a member, but he certainly shows up at a lotta their parties.
Circ-U, of course, is who oversaw d'diversion'a d'other half'a d'fissile material from Nuclear_Facility_RON-372/B. Once again, Paul-U, youse might want t'have a little conversation wit' him at youse soonest convenience. I can provide some help f'a fair price.
Psion is also all over a certain High Programmer who recently spent more money on clone replacements dan actually exists in d'Alphan economy. He only reported a fraction'a d'mutations what showed up in his clone line as they was bein' decanted. I'm sure youse don't even need t'download d'particular ZipPaq t'know his story about not expressin' Machine Empathy is crap. What he has done a good job'a hidin' is how few'a dose decanted clones actually died. d'Whole story 'bout d'Magic_Hate_Ball is obviously a sham t'cover up d'fact dat d'ranks'a Psion's Machine Empathy militia more'n tripled in size wit' empathic Omega-U clones. Good thing there's so many'a dem; if'n it was just a few, I wouldna figured out where they was bein' kept so's I could get some pictures wit' my Remote_Surveillance_Drones.
DOWNLOADED d7d73g/0: SALES OF SPIN-OFF SYNTELLIGENT TECHNOLOGY TO KNOWN PSIONS
DOWNLOADED 3jd893/8: CIRC-U-LAT MEMO REGARDING RELOCATION OF DIVERTED FISSILES
DOWNLOADED 3md87u/2: SURVEILLANCE IMAGES OF OMEGA-U-MAN EMPATH MILITIA
Power Pops (Class B) +Relatively new. Need data.+ +Offshoot of Romantics.+ +I think they're a music group?+ +Maybe we should get them on the FCCCP Gospel Hour Tour, then. Talk to HPD&MC.+
Dis is one'a d'few groups I ain't got nothin' interestin' on at d'moment. Watt-U calculates a 77% chance they was involved in d'Disaster but it don't look like it t'me at dis point, even wit' Jen-I-COL-3 in their ranks.
PURGE (Class C) +This is what Death Leopard pretends to be.+ +Dangerous under any and all circumstances.+
Associated wit' Project_Finite_Hole, possibly involved wit' d'CyberChomp_4000 stuff. They wasn't involved wit' d'Denta-Bots at all-- they only claimed responsibility after Kill-U exerted pressure on 'em, t'take d'investigation away from his own involvement. Seems t'have worked pretty well. (He couldn'ta known Corpore was also gonna announce responsibility.)
They's also responsible f'a fair amount'a d'illegal Performance_Art dat's been turnin' up all over d'place. When d'League_of_Extraordinary_Dadaists bring their horrible plan t'conclusion, I'm pretty sure PURGE is gonna be put into action makin' it happen.
DOWNLOADING h7we73d3/dd... KILL-U-DED'S LEVERAGE OVER PURGE
Romantics (Class A) +Originally a popular movement based on the Gatzmann Archives.+ +Later codified officially so that official record of Old Reckoning could be closed.+ +Probably the single most commonly-encountered faction in Alpha.+ +Actively maintained to allow for HP collectors of Old Reckoning material to have constant access to supply as desired.+ +C-Bay was originally implemented as a closed-doors swap meet for Old Reckoning gear.+
Despite d'fact dat they's all over d'place on dis-- Jen-I-COL-3 an' d'Gatzmann_Archives, an' even d'Easter_Bunny_Device an' stuff-- they ain't actually all dat significant as contributors t'd'Disaster. Mostly it's other groups what got mistaken f'Romantics-- such as Humanists-- who did d'worst stuff. An' like d'Mystics, d'Romantics is a group dat we pretty much all have need'a once in a while.
Sierra Club (Class A) +Suppression of lowest-level knowledge of the Outdoors implemented by Fourth Generation.+ +No way we can actually keep the existence of the Outdoors a secret from ALL the INFRAREDs.+ +Ironically, not long after induction into the organization, typically a new member gets a promotion to RED thanks to his buddies in the "Club"-- and then he's cleared to know about the Outdoors anyway. But at that point, he's committed to the Sierras.+
d'Club's involvement in d'Disaster was mostly because'a their association wit' Project_Infinite_Hole, where a certain RIT Sector R&D top dog we all know was their liaison. I know dis 'cause my predecessor, "Five", was in Infinite Hole as well. "Five" had a girlfriend in d'Sierra Club who told him all about it. (I ain't met her myself.)
DOWNLOADED 3jd773l/d7: SERVS-U-RIT'S SUPPORT OF SIERRA CLUB OPERATIONS IN INFINITE HOLE
Tuesday Afternoon Conspiracy (Class C) ++HEADER FILE MISSING++
- 'Course I leave d'best f'last. All dis other stuff is just chum in d'water; now d'real feedin' frenzy begfv3mmc8 d83c0 c d8c823CARRIER BREAK-IN DETECTED
PACKETS LOST / NO REDUNDANCY / PACKETS DROPPED
CARRIER ACK RECEIVEDv77s an' dat was finally d'drinkin' straw what broke d'Camelbot's back, an' forced d'Computer t'request an official designation on d'Incident Terminology Categorial Hierarchy. But every one'a youse already knew it was comin' at dat point. Hell, even Knok-U-5 was makin' his move.
Let's Talk Business
Now, obviously youse's irritated at dis point. Maybe even angry. y'First thought is probably somethin' like, Who does dat guy think he is, accusin' and implicatin' me like dat? But dat sorta thinkin' is counterproductive.
You might also be thinkin', What else does dat guy know about me? Dat is slightly more productive-- an' it would be a worthwhile investment t'find out what else I got on youse, an' how t'keep me from passin' it around-- but ultimately, dat's relatively small potatoes, too.
No, what youse oughta be askin' youself is, What else does dat guy got on dese other bums on dis commission, who I gotta take down b'fore they interfere wit' my plans? An' how much does he want f'dat information? An' dat, my friends, is a very good question-- one which I am happy t'help youse wit'.
Inquiries should be remitted wit' some sorta payment, just so's I know how t'distinguish between dose'a youse what need actual business done, an' dose'a youse what is just screwin' around an' wastin' time until youse peers on dis panel take youse outta d'game. I accept unlicensed credit, small non-perishable barter, precious metals, "young" fissionable material, an' METro_Cheques. No ammunition or foodstuffs.
Refs: all over d'damn place
CLICK TO BEGIN TRANSACTION
Generating one-time encryption pad... C8:C8:C7:40:18:10:A2:00:2D:4D:7E:77:05:11:8F:94:F1:A6:B9:30:85:09:2F:54 Transaction complete. You will be contacted shortly.
Very bad treason accusings of treason here against me. Not-so-very-nice. Feel like I should be denying, making very bad treason criminations back at KnoK-U. Is the Ultraviolet way. But sometimes high citizen programmers all the treason this and treason that - not so fresh. Not so fresh at all.
Kan't we all just get alonK?
Don't worry. A little cred in d'right place'll make it aaaaaaaall go away. Just push dat little OK button dere, right in fronta youse.
Right... definitely a couple of corrupted downloads here, like LOVE FOR SHORT-CHAIN POLYMER INHALANTS regarding myself. Not just corrupt... plain incorrect. Appears to be a corruption of Request CO-of8Ved/l3 - Request for Short-Range Polysynaptic Inhibitor. I really can't stand my Supervisors thinking stray thoughts while I'm treating them to a positive loyalty reinforcement buzz session - the mind needs to be clear and open to new and efficacious ideas, ideals and protocols.
I will grant you that you've come up with an adequate synopsis of many of the major Secret Societies in Alpha Complex.
However, you seem to be under the rather sizable misapprehension that I feel the need to "take down" anyone on this commission, or that I have plans with which any of you are apt to interfere. True, the majority of High Programmers - yourself apparently included - are small-sighted twits who occupy their time with acquisition of power and petty political maneuverings - but in case you hadn't noticed, I don't play those games. Go peddle your services elsewhere, assuming Friend Computer lets you. (It wasn't terribly pleased with this writeup of yours when I submitted a copy to the ZRT_Treason_Analyzer, though I assume you'll use "stimulating the economy" or some such loophole to cast your actions in a positive light.)
I was pleased - if not terribly impressed - that you saw fit to include c3lld7832/33... ERR-U-DYT HUMANIST PLOTS DISGUISED AS ROMANTICS ACTIVITY; I was particularly proud of that report. My analysis of the underlying Humanist threat in apparent Romantic activity got me promoted to BLUE. And terminated...again... But Friend Computer knows best, as I'm sure you'll learn.
WARNING! DO NOT OPEN ATTACHMENTS!
I assigned one of my subordinates, Av-I, to read through some of the attached files. The next thing I knew, she'd sent all of her credits to Knok-U and was trying to liquidate PLC Central assets to send him more! Right now she's in a ward at Special_Brain_Freshening_Unit_K, babbling things like "Knok-U is double-plus-good!" and "Knok-U needs a new pair of shoes!"
Those files are just chock full of Viral_Thought_Patterns. I don't know what Knok-U was trying to accomplish with this stunt, but if you value your brain, don't read any attachments! Otherwise you could end up like Circ-U.
WARNING! DO NOT OPEN ATTACHMENTS!
Oh, thank goodness someone else knows! Read the full file on Viral_Thought_Patterns.
Very interesting analysis.
In my must-read not-seller, Clone-generations: the future history of Alpha Complex, I provide surveys which suggest a better metric of these mutations is 30-40 years, but being just a proxy bot, I'm sure Pepe can be forgiven for such a minor error.
And for clarification of the record, I inquired about the whereabouts of the ItemsInQuestion, not Lenin's_Tooth. I merely mentioned that I was on the committee that wasn't organized to investigate it.
Additionally, friend, I am tempted to sic the Semantics Company on you. Your grammar is terrible.
-- Dursch-U- Knock-U is double-plus-good! WTZ-8
Knok-U... How in the Complex do you infer membership in FCCCP from mentioning the group? I merely note that the computer has looked upon them with less disfavor than other groups, as you also seem to infer. And they're not Commie Mutant Traitors, just... possibly traitors. Sometimes.
And besides, the last fissile material I had access to went into the Vulture Vertical Life Vehicle. I told them about big flamey explosions being possible....
What I can't figure out is how Knock-U decided I was an "R&D top dog", when I've served in Power since 1 and have never FARTed. I could deal with accusations of Secret Society membership, but if they're based on patently erroneous statements of affiliation...sigh. It's a shame, too, because this would otherwise be a masterwork of research, but this one inaccuracy forces me to seriously question the validity of the rest of it as well.
So I took a couple of ID Cards. Whatcha gonna do about it, huh, punk? Nothin. And I'll tell you why. Because The Computer made me do it. That's right. You wanna mess with The Computer? I didn't think so.
Happy/Joy? Hey, I'm on a natural high...
If you had done some more research, dimwit, you would've realized that "Clones Gone Wild XIV" is the latest in a long line of clone riot documentaries that I help develop to educate AC workers on what to expect during Commie disturbances. I have no connection to illegal ripoffs of it made by the file sharing community.
And if Drake-U-LAH-1 knew where he kept any original footage of Paris-I-LTN, he sure didn't leave it in his Memomax for me. Dammit, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about!
Combined with everyone else's contradictions of your "evidence" and the embedded viral thought patterns you sent out, I'd say your research isn't worth shit. I'm glad you died, you scheming SOB.
It would seem that a case of mistaken identity has occurred in respect of the Arm_&_Hammer_Infiltration_Report... I have no clue what Watt is talking about. I believe he must be referring to Costin-R-KVN-3 - demoted Tech Services resource relocation supervisor.