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Other than Friend Computer and myself, I don't think that any readers of this report are old enough to remember the first few decades of Alpha Complex. Back then, even after the Initial Clone Rollout, the majority of our population consisted of so-called "pure strain" humans. These were the survivors of the Old Reckoning period, those whom Friend Computer's skill and wisdom had preserved from the terror that ravaged the Outside.

Among the foremost of the "pure strain" servants of the Computer was William Gatzmann, an eccentric, brilliant programmer. Gatzmann’s design of the original Jackobot_Brain prototype, and his work on Friend Computer’s early node packet distribution system, established him among the ranks of the first High Programmers. Even today, after hundred years, some of his code remains in place throughout Alpha Complex systems as Legacy_software. He had a free hand in controlling ILL sector, where he used his spare time and resources to systematically archive all remaining data, both factual and fictional, from the Old Reckoning period.

As a "pure strain" human, Gatzmann-U-ILL lacked the genetic advantages that have been worked into the modern clone lines by R&D. Because of this, his advanced age soon led to a limited form of Neuro-Cascade_Failure known as "senility." As a result, his productivity plummeted, and he devoted more and more of his time to his archive. His constant shuffling of files and construction of bizarre filing schemes led to the current status of the archive, which makes it all but impossible to distinguish fact from fiction.

It was in the year 63 that Gatzmann’s accelerating decline led to his demotion to BLUE clearance. The rumor that this transpired solely as a result of a CPU filing error is probably exaggerated, although you never can tell with CPU. In any event, Gatzmann-B-ILL’s knowledge of secrets above BLUE clearance violated Alpha Complex law.

I still remember the day when the order came down from on high. "Kill B-ILL," said Friend Computer. Then the Vulture Squadrons stormed ILL sector’s BLUE barracks. Every BLUE citizen in ILL sector died that daycycle, and all of their clone lines were purged from the GeneScan_Image records. Such is the price of vigilance, but it is a price that the BLUES gladly paid for the glory of Alpha Complex and the love of Friend Computer.

Much of our knowledge of the Old Reckoning period comes from the Gatzmann Archives. The Archives have taught us much about our arch-enemies, the Commie_Mutant_Traitors, aiding us in foiling their malevolent schemes. They tell us about the great leaders of the Old Reckoning period, such as Schwartzen-I-GER, who led his robot legions against the cybernetic empress Thatch-R, the Iron Lady; or Ronald-R-GUN, who defeated the evil Communist Empire by flying his X-Wing into the heart of the Debt Star; or King-R-THR, leader of the Knights of the Circular Object, wielder of the SwordBot Excal-I-BER at the behest of the Lady of the Vat, who fell victim to the traitor Morgan-Y-FAY and her mighty dragon Godz-I-LLA. And they offer up such treasures as the writings of Or-U-ELL and Machia-V-ELI, whose instructions on building a utopia helped make Alpha Complex into what it is today.

In addition to assorted audio, video and text records (such as the ever-popular Old_Reckoning_Video_Entertainment_Archive_#949/GAG), the Gatzmann Archives also contains a GeneScan_Image repository, astronomical and meteorological data, and a vast array of physical artifacts from the Old Reckoning era, many of which are still being studied by R&D. To this day, R&D still draws heavily upon the Archives for inspiration, as evidenced by such Gatzmann-inspired products as the Easter_Bunny_Device, the Iron_Chef, a wide variety of InfoGlyphs, and the ever-popular VampireBot. It is a testament to the unique value of the archive’s physical artifacts that Friend Computer has felt it necessary to secure the archive behind a Gamma_Class_Security_Field.

Of course, all of the contents of the Archives are highly classified. But many of Gatzmann’s disciples felt that everyone should have access to the Archives, and they formed a distribution network for illicit copies of portions of the Archives. This network later became known as the Romantics, whom we all know as one of the Secret_Societies_Involved_In_the_Toothpaste_Disaster.

What’s curious is the manner in which the Gatzmann Archives seem to be popping up right now, exactly one hundred and fifty years after Gatzmann-B-ILL’s final death. Not only have the Archives been downloaded into fresh INFRARED brains via the Helmet_Of_Education, but a copy of the Archives was found among the computer gear being used by the Romantics traitors involved in the Alpha_Complexity project. I can only give credence to the old rumor that Gatzmann somehow encoded his brain patterns, not in the usual brain tape medium, but into the very structure of the Archives themselves. Might the Romantics seek to reach across the veil of time and resurrect their founder? To recreate a known Old Reckoning traitor with his programming acumen in a clone body (INFRARED or not) would be bad enough. But to attempt to supplant Friend Computer with their "Alpha_Complexity?" This is treason of the very highest order.

We need to root out the origins of this plot. How much of the Toothpaste Disaster came from the effort to cover up this plan? Clearly the Tuesday_Afternoon_Conspiracy was involved. We must spare no effort in cracking down on that insidious cabal.

I have prepared a ZipPaq of the archive for each member of this commission. These will be sent out, along with the necessary decryption keys, as soon as Power Services can free up enough transbots from non-vital functions. This may lead to a temporary suspension of transportation for citizens of YELLOW and lower clearance in BAD, SLO and SUK sectors.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Refs: InfoGlyph, Jackobot_Brain

Cross Refs: Alpha_Complexity, Borscht_Generator, Codemonkeys, Commie_Mutant_Traitors, Easter_Bunny_Device, Iron_Chef, Gamma_Class_Security_Field, GeneScan_Image, Helmet_Of_Education, Legacy_software, Neuro-Cascade_Failure, Old_Reckoning_Video_Entertainment_Archive_#949/GAG, Secret_Societies_Involved_In_the_Toothpaste_Disaster, Tuesday_Afternoon_Conspiracy, ZipPaq


The biggest problem for those who would use data from the Archives is that much of it is highly inaccurate.

The biggest problem for those who would rather just shelve the data and ignore it is that much of it is not inaccurate.

Determining which is which can be a scholar's nightmare, seeing as the Archives are the primary and only source on fully 63.7% of the material therein.


Wow! This is the first time I'm seeing some of this stuff, and... wow! Just... WOW! This is crazy, yo. Untraceable analog currency consisting purely of paper with numbers on it? People manufactured their replacement clones inside their own bodies? The sky above the Outdoors changed colors according to your mood?

The Old Reckoning was seriously whack.


-- Knok-U-OUT-6

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2013-06-13 13:58