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Ultra High Frequency Radio Waves

I'm back.

Yes, I was out of it for a while. Say what you will about Special_Brain_Freshening_Unit_K, but they are masters of their craft. No worries. Though K Unit hit my mind pretty hard, it was nothing that 48 continuous hours of Deep Intracranial Tissue Massage couldn't reverse. I'm happy to say that my psyche has been restored to nominal levels of Freshness. I feel like a new clone!

Now, let's talk about Ultra High Frequency Radio Waves. The first thing you should know about them is that they are everywhere. Outside of a few specially shielded areas, there is not a single location within the Complex that is not exposed to some level of UHF waves. Some devises use these waves for wireless data transfer, most notably the Series 1300 Personal Data Companions (carried by virtually every higher-than-Infrared citizen). Also, some individuals have been known to use the UHF spectrum for unlicensed audio/video broadcasts. Just the other day I stumbled onto one of these while checking messages on my PDC. The broadcast consisted of a grainy image of three clones - totally nude except for masks concealing their identity - painting each other's pasty bodies with melted Cold Fun. Ugh... remembering that image makes me want to pay the Brain Freshening boys another visit.

However, the majority of UHF buzzing around our heads every day is nothing but noise - incidental waves put out by vid screens, certain bots, and other common pieces of equipment. Because this noise is so ubiquitous in the Complex, individual UHF broadcasts are very hard to trace to a particular source.

It has been noted that there was a 25% increase in UHF transmissions during the Toothpaste_Disaster. This is not uncommon in a disaster situation, with all the additional comm traffic - the "Help, I've been buried in rubble!" calls alone might account for a 5% bump. However, the UHF levels have not returned to normal since the disaster. In fact, they have continued to rise. "So," you may ask, "where are all these new waves coming from?" Good question. As I said before, the source of UHF waves are hard to trace. As I have discovered, they are even harder to trace when the waves don't originate from the Alpha Complex.

I repeat, these waves aren't coming from the Alpha Complex. I sent some ProbeBots to the Outdoors, figuring someone might have set up a transmitter there. There are no transmitters out there. As far as I can tell, the transmissions originate above the Outdoors. Even as I type the phrase "above the Outdoors" I don't know what the hell it means! Every instrument I have tells me that the Alpha Complex is being bombarded with Ultra High Frequency Radio Waves from some location that I'm not even certain exists!

I need another brain massage.



There are objects called "satellites" that exist in the space above Outside. The increase in activity you note during the Toothpaste_Disaster is due to the mistaken activation of Party_Omega; the procedures involve initiating communications with several of these "satellites".

(Fortunately, Party_Omega was not fully implemented or there would have been a lot more than than a 25% increase - as well as some other ramifications that we (thankfully) managed to avoid.)

I've noted that you - and a number of other High Programmers - seem to be...somewhat nervous. Yes, some of us are being killed, persecuted, and/or driven insane. That's no reason to panic, or to spook at every little bit of data that one hasn't found an explanation for yet. Trust Friend Computer. It will all work out.

PS: I rejoice at your renewed coherency.

-- Err-U-DYT-9

I am aware of those satellites. At first, that's where I thought the signals were coming from... that's where I hoped they were coming from. But those satellites are what, about 20,000-25,000 miles above the surface of the Outdoors? I consider that to be safely within the confines of the (notoriously vast) Outdoors sector. The signals I'm reading could not have originated any closer than 650,000 miles away. It's not a satellite. I don't think it comes from around here. I'm still looking into it - I'll have more information in my next entry.


You thought that the signals were coming from the satellites, but weren't sure that a place above Outside existed? Hmm.

Anyhow, as I stated previously: the increase in UHFRW during the Toothpaste Disaster was to/from those satellites; I've gone over the records again and confirmed it. If the signals did come from that great a distance, then the satellites must be further away than you thought. How are you measuring the distance in question?

-- Err-U

As I stated above, I considered the position of those satellites to be WITHIN the domain of the Outdoors sector. Researchers have argued for years over the exact dimensions of the Outdoors. I believe it was Gal-I-LEO-3 who first theorized that the Outdoors was contained within a "Celestial Ceiling" - an invisible barrier 5000 feet above the surface. Needless to say, the theory wasn't very popular, and he was soon tortured and executed for his trouble. Soon after, Gal-I-LEO-4 revised the height of that ceiling to about 100 miles, and attempted to prove the theory by riding a RocketBot straight up into the vertical expanse of the Outdoors. He was never seen again. Finally, Gal-I-LEO-5 - using some fascinating mathematical techniques - determined that the Outdoors ascended no higher than 50,000 miles. Then he got crucified (literally) by a handful of FCCCP extremists. Hence, the satellites you refer to were within the estimated dimensions of the Outdoors sector. The signals I have traced (using proprietary Syntelligent Systems algorithms), are not within those dimensions - not even close. As I said, I'm still looking into this matter.


I'd recommend looking more deeply into the Gatzmann_Archives. As always, it's important to distinguish fact from fiction, but it really does have an awful lot of information on the places above the Outdoors. For example, did you know that there are sectors out there that are as big as the Outdoors? There are documented signals from such sectors as Venus, Mars and Krypton. There may even be clones in some of those sectors - Commie_Mutant_Traitors who live beyond the reach of the Armed Forces and Internal Security! I believe that CPU has a think tank assigned to deal with this sort of thing, but I don't know if it's active at the present time.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Good idea about the Gatzmann_Archives, Jan-U! I think remember seeing some of the stuff you refer to in there, but I never payed much attention to it.


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2013-06-13 14:00