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Tuesday Afternoon Conspiracy

The Tuesday Afternoon Conspiracy is something of a misnomer. You see, it was all the fault of Ferrous Cook, who was acting alone, but Information_Distortion has made connections to this "conspiracy" pop up all over. Nevertheless, I am here, and I have already captured, tortured and executed Ferrous_Cook, Kill-U, so you can get off my back already.



Bah, enough of that tripe. I'm back. That's right, me. You know, Omega-U-MAN-5. I hardly know where to begin. Obviously, rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated. Thankfully, I had had a tracking device installed in the Magic_Hate_Ball, and had taken a few precautions no one knew about. There is this nifty device called the TeleFrag that I invented a while back that helped out quite a bit 1. Of course, I have the only one of these in existance, so the agents who tried to kill me and replace my clone line with a bunch of fakes couldn't have known that the TeleFrag simply teleported me out and teleported a nearby corpse in. The Magic_Hate_Ball made rather short work of the corpse, and no one seems to have taken a GeneScan_Image due to their overconfidence.

The upshot of this is that I'm the last real Omega-U, the rest were all fakes who have been using an ID C/ARD to impersonate me and several other High Programmers here, like the "Jan-U-ARY-32" -- Jan-U was right, there's no such clone, but there's one who has been posing as her. They obviously had to stop with that identity after failing to kill her. Luckily, I've been keeping an eye on things via various top-secret monitoring devices. Since the impostors are not really me, they do not know all my secrets.

In fact, the Tuesday Afternoon Conspiracy is what has spawned our whole tribunal here, in effect. You see, they are a group of Illuminati who are up to something2 and thus are working on turning us all against each other (and also all the Secret Societies against each other) so that they can distract them while they carry on their work. They tried to frame Jan-U repeatedly, to get us at each other's throats, so that we might miss the evidence of their activities in all the paperwork. I realized this after I saw Jan-U's insistance about not having assigned any vat technicians to the MAN sector. Neither #1337 nor Jan-U seems to have known that I don't keep my clone tanks in such an obvious sector... Of course, you all realize that #6's death was just a cover to tamper with the MAN sector high-clearance cloning facility. They are, of course, raising a clone army. And that army does, in fact, have machine empathy. As a matter of fact, they each have every useful mutation known. I believe that this army was a large part of the Illuminati's true objective.

So where does that leave us? We need to put aside our differences while there is still time, to combat a threat which appears ready to conquer this complex wholesale. They have already distracted all the Secret Societies with various goals--Pro Tech, the Computer Phreaks, Corpore Metal & co. all went after CyberHack_Programming_Helmet, the Romantics, Psions and various Commies all seem to want the Manifesto_Out_of_Space_and_Time, and so on. Then we have the lot of us bickering with each other, the Physiological_Effects_of_Happiness_Report entry seems to be some manner of covert message board, Knock-U-OUT has implicated us all of treason3 even as the Illuminati tampered with his message and I am the only one who seems to know anything about what's going on.

Anyhow, about this conspiracy, it is real, even if many of the things written about it are somewhat inaccurate. Vermilion_Developments has funneled the credits into this organization4, but the Lovec-R-AFT-4 part is just Information_Distortion, and the League of Extraodinary Dadaists are just a cover group to distract us from the Illuminati involvement. I hope that I will uncover more of their plans within that entry, as I do more research.

We also know that they attacked Kill-U-DED-4 with QuieTime_Sedative_Gas_Canisters. Signed ones, no less. I'm wondering if he's been replaced, though I would have to wonder if that whole episode was just meant as a distraction, or perhaps so we would believe that such a stupid conspiracy could not exist. I mean, after all, the hunt for WMD_(Warriors_of_Masked_Dentistry) seems to be going nowhere, even though they're supposedly linked to this conspiracy. Unless that's some kind of weird codename for the clone army the Illuminati are raising, I'm not buying it. The Pearly_Whites_Tea_Club seem more likely for a code name, or perhaps they were early members of the clone army who worked to sow chaos during the Toothpaste Disaster.

In any event, what I know for certain right now is that this conspiracy is making a mutant clone army using the Special_Brain_Freshening_Unit_K and a Helmet_Of_Education (ref: Alpha_Complexity) to make these clones obey their every whim, while they use the ID C/ARD they have to impersonate High Programmers and others on a whim, and generally distract us from their real goals.

Thankfully, I've returned to stop them. I do appologize that my entry was so late, I've been manipulating things in the shadows both to hinder them and to discover more. This is very time-consuming work, as well, uncovering an Illuminati plot, as we all know that every level of their plot has another. Speaking of which, I need to move on, to cover Vermilion_Developments, which funded this conspiracy, there is Unspeakable_Treason afoot, and I intend to stop it!

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

  1. #1-4 learned a lot, which helped get me to ULTRAVIOLET in the first place... (1)

  2. I'm not quite sure just what, yet, I'll post more on this later (2)

  3. How can I be a Psion when I commissioned Mutant Traps to kill them? (3)

  4. Speaking of credits, I'm lucky that fine for all those clones that weren't even mine was calculated on a 2-bit computer terminal, there was an unsigned integer overflow, and I wound up paying less than four credits, all told. (4)


Ah. An Illuminati Plot. Well.

Any notion where they're getting the raw materials for this clone army? Last I checked, the Law of Conservation of Matter (Unless Friend Computer Says So) was still in effect.

-- Err-U-DYT-9

They've taken over the MAN sector cloning facilities for sure, and they have operations in many sectors. I'm pretty sure that the LAH, BAD, and MAD sectors contain some of their operations, but I suspect they operate complex-wide, seeing as they are Illuminati.

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

I've been around for a very long time, and I've seen the fallout of more secret society activities than I care to count. After a while, you really get a feel for how each of the major societies work. And I can tell you this about the Illuminati: they are subtle. That's their schtick. They don't use clone armies or any other such blunt instrument, except possibly as a distraction from something else. So either this isn't the Illuminati at all (which seems likely; if you suspect the Illuminati, they're probably not involved), or the clone army is just an elaborate feint being used to misdirect us from something worse.

You may be inclined to dismiss me as an elderly crank suffering from Neuro-Cascade_Failure. But I've discussed the matter with some of my contacts in IntSec, and they agree with me. You're welcome to persist in investigating the Illuminati. After all, they are just clones, and traitors to boot, and you might get lucky where others have failed. But don't bet the vat on it.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

(P.S. Congratulations on your survival.)

I'm inclined to agree with Jan-U. Even if the Illuminati (or whomever they are) have taken over cloning operations for dozens of sectors, they couldn't churn out clones at a rate sufficient to enable any notable military conquest - even with mutants. (Who generally hold the key to their own destruction, it should be noted - poetic justice.) They haven't taken over cloning operations for the entire Complex, and even if they did, they wouldn't need an army at that point.

While I can readily believe that they (or someone else) might be attempting to foment chaos and dissent among the members of this investigation, the massing of a clone army is almost certainly a screen for some other plot - or else the army is going to be used in some completely unconventional way, such as feeding the Xenoseptic_Fountain or creating a monstrous piece of living Performance_Art.

If not, Armed Forces will wipe the floor with them.

-- Err-U


2013-06-13 14:00