[ParanoiaLexicon] [TitleIndex] [WordIndex

Iron Chef

The "Iron Chef" was a special Chefbot that JPN sector R&D developed a number of years ago. Inspired by records of an Old Reckoning vidshow found in the Gatzmann_Archives, it's primary directives were to take any of the Thirty-one_Official_Flavors and make a number of food preparations that taste like the chosen flavor. Test mixes included Algae-flavored jackboots (unsuccessful), jackboot-flavored Algae (more successful, if a somewhat unauthorized flavor, and based on a flippant comment by one of the R&D team), and finally, chocolate-flavored Bile_Suppressant (successful). At this point, they deemed Iron Chef ready for rollout.

In order to have supply tanks big enough to do this work, the design was based on an obsolete Maintenancebot, and in keeping with the name, was built entirely of iron. This caused a number of problems, between residual chemicals in the tanks (the team apparently utilzed used tanks to cut costs) causing problems with some food preparation, and the fact that the entire bot, made of iron instead of steel (leading to cost overruns in the first place) had a tendency to magnetize, and may Friend Computer forbid that a Citizen be in between a magnetized Iron Chef and its cutlery.

Finally, the Iron Chef was utilized to create Bouillon flavored toothpaste. In typical wrangling between HPD&MC and PLC, however, it is apparent from the record that someone substituted Toothpasty_Supplement_#5 for the actual toothpaste to be used in the mixture. I've assigned some friends in VPR sector R&D to analyze the chemical interactions that might take place in such a compound mixed with Bouillon or any other typical chemical (particularly Galvanic_Accelerant_Dip) used by Maintenancebots, and will make the results available for one of you with more of a mind for chemisty to write up. I would also ask someone from PLC to check the disposition of the recalled Bouillon-flavored Toothpasty_Supplement_#5 -- I'll bet credits to clones that some of the tainted suppliment was involved in the Four_Reactor_Foam_Flood and even the more pervasive Toothpaste_Disaster.

Refs: Bile_Suppressant, Bouillon, Four_Reactor_Foam_Flood, Galvanic_Accelerant_Dip, Gatzmann_Archives, Thirty-one_Official_Flavors, Toothpaste_Disaster, Toothpasty_Supplement_#5

-- Paul-U-LEG-5


I was lucky enough to sit on a judging panel for one of the early Iron_Chef tests. If memory serves me correctly, the challenger was Shin-O-BIE-2, an up-and-coming PLC mess hall overseer whose flair for presentation was truly a sight to behold. The test flavor on that occasion was "Leather"-- it had just rotated onto the list of Thirty-one_Official_Flavors-- and while it sounds terrible in theory, Leather Fun turned out to be quite an experience. And the Flame-Seared Soyfillet over Leather Salad was truly satisfying. I was sorry to hear about the later malfunctions, and the associated deaths.

-- Knok-U-OUT-6

Ah. Lucky you. The recordings of those tests are one of my favorite viewing materials. Technician Ka-G-AAH, and his uniquely tailored jumpsuits; Fukui-O-HTA, with his habit of talking to himself while recording the Chef's procedures; and the All-UV panel of judges? Classics.

-- Cee-U-LTR


2013-06-13 13:58