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This entry is primarily a procedural notation, to avoid confusion in the future.

While Friend Computer's system of assigning names to clones is of course perfect and without flaw, occasionally it can lead to a certain amount of confusion or misunderstanding. Many clones have names evocative of other concepts, and in many cases, thanks to the Computer's great prescience, these turn out to be quite appropriate. These range from the late, lamented Flo-U-RID-3, who gained authority over all of Alpha Complex's dental hygene (cross-ref with Fluoride), to lowly Sue-R-RAT-1, the heroic HPD&MC janitorial employee who has slaved non-stop to flush the residue from the Toothpaste_Disaster out of the complex's waste disposal systems such that even lower-clearance clones will once again be able to enjoy hygene breaks and waste elimination without having to trudge several dozen kilometers out of their way on foot. (For comparision, see the Gatzmann_Archives on the topic of "powerful big rats, gentlemen" and the many uses thereof.)

Nevertheless, sometimes a name can lead to more confusion than poetic euphony. It is for that reason that I wish to make it clear that Ging-I-VTS-5, who has served on the directing council of several RON sector Power Firms (including WhirledRON_Energy), is in no way related to the dental condition "gingivitis" (a lamentable inflammation of the gums related to treasonously poor dental hygene). Ging-I has been a trusted subordinate of mine for years, and it is to my dismay that I have seen her being harassed by "investigation teams" sent out by some anonymous members of this group. (You know who you are.) Honestly, trying to link someone to a disaster of this magnitude just because of a name and a few extremely tenuous extrapolations seems like a waste of our time, given all the real leads we've got to go after right now.

For the record: I am in possession of reports by Internal Security and RON Sector Power Internal Affairs, commissioned after she reported this harassment to me, clearing her of all involvement in the Toothpaste_Disaster. So let's let this peter out quietly, with no more embarassment to any of us involved, okay guys?

-- Ken-U-RON-6


Awww, what's the matter, Ken? Don't want certain things investigated for this report, or do you have a more personal reason for protecting her from unwanted suspicion?

I am pleased to announce that my investigation of Ging-I-VTS-5 has finally revealed a connection to the Toothpaste_Disaster. After my first 3 teams failed in their attempts, I took it upon myself to extract any potential treason from her. One daycycle of intensive questioning later, she finally broke down. Between repentant sobs, she revealed that she had helped mastermind the power fluctuation behind Project_Infinite_Hole's failure.

You should've heard her screams of agony. She hit octaves detectable only by bots and decibels that shattered glass as I slowly ripped her flesh off. The melody that followed her Reverse Transfusion will be stuck in my head for the rest of the yearcycle. I plan on lulling myself to sleep with her final scream as I threw her into the Recycler.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Drake-U: Simulations project that after a daycycle of intensive questioning from you, 96 out of 100 citizens would confess to being the Easter_Bunny_Device. As only one Easter_Bunny_Device has yet been manufactured, at least 95 of those confessions would, perforce, be false.

In other words: If you want to go ripping the head off of one of Ken-U's assistants, fine; your clearance entitles you to do so. But leave your...hobbies...out of this report, unless they're relevant, and don't pretend this "confession" is useful for anything other than satisfying your bloodlust and your ego.

I've reviewed the paperwork filed by the other interrogation teams. If she were complicit, she would have admitted it far, far earlier. Did you see the drug manifests?

-- Err-U-DYT-9

As only one Easter_Bunny_Device has yet been manufactured, at least 95 of those confessions would, perforce, be false.

True. That's why I always hook up all my suspects to R&D's Confession Confirmation Calculator Mark VI. I depend on it to ensure that my subjects always confess truthfully. It's caught would-be liars at least 34 times. Such liars are merely trying to cover up their true treason, of course, which means further interrogation is necessary. Ging-I-VTS tried to trick me at least 4 times before she finally belted out the truth.

My methods always result in horrifying confessions of treason, thus my measures are justified for the safety of Alpha Complex. Sometimes it takes a while... I have traitors on the rack that have lasted two yearcycles without revealing their true treasonous actions. However, the forces of justice will eventually prevail in the end and reveal these clones' treason for all to see!

But leave your...hobbies...out of this report, unless they're relevant, and don't pretend this "confession" is useful for anything other than satisfying your bloodlust and your ego.

This isn't a hobby; this is a Computer-sanctioned investigation! Your disgust worries me. I wonder if any of you have the guts to dig down to the bare naked truth as I do. Perhaps you're scared of what we'll find? Are your webs of treason so tangled that you're afraid any confessing traitor may do you in? Unless you show me the courage to properly investigate this incident, I will have to double my efforts.

As for your selfish insults, I assure you that I merely do it out of pleasure... for serving Friend Computer. If I wanted to satisfy my ego & bloodlust, I'd go send another Troubleshooter team out on a wild Twinkie chase. It's quite amusing watching them on the security footage, especially with a tub of Popfun nearby.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Oh, come on, Drake... I haven't been an Ultraviolet for all that long, and even I can find the documentation that shows that the Confession Confirmation Calculator Mark VI that you had R&D whip up for you is nothing more than an Old Reckoning oscilloscope, some decorative neon lights, and a bunch of clamps and jewjaws you picked up from the SNM sector IntSec kiosk all bolted (rather unconvincingly) together. Look, whatever it is you're into, it's ok with the rest of us. If poor Gin-G raised in you the need for another one of your 'interrogation' sessions, so be it. But please, don't let your need to try to put a better face on this conflict with the clearly stated facts of this investigation. As Ken-Us research clearly points out in the official entry, Ging-I-VTS has been cleared by IntSec of all involvement.

-- Mesh-U

As much as I hate to point it out, Ken-U asserts only two things about Ging-I-VTS-5's innocence:

  1. That she is unconnected to "gingivitis", the inflammation of the gums;
  2. That he is in possession of reports by IntSec and RON Power Internal Affairs clearing her of involvement in the Toothpaste_Disaster.

Strictly speaking, neither of these clears her; the reports might be fake (or incorrect), and there is not a 100% correlation between "lack of connection to gingivitis" and "lack of involvement in the Toothpaste Disaster".

However, I have done the follow-up research suggested by Drake-U, and she does in fact clear as innocent1. Digging through the guts of the Alpha Complex bureaucracy requires far more tenacity and intellect than digging through some citizen's guts.

1 = Unless she's a member of Psion, in which case she could have learned treasonous ways to resist some of the drugs used upon her - but Drake-U did not mention any such confession.


You forget one other possibility: that she has been taking drugs that nullify the effects of the truth drugs administered. As amazing as it sounds, such drugs have been developed by rogue biochemists and are being sold on the Infrared market. I would send over her body for autopsy, but it's already been recycled.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

I'd just like to take a moment to thank Err-U and Mesh-U for their research backing up Ging-I's innocence. There's enough real traitors about these days that we don't need to go ripping off the heads of the few loyal ones we can find.

I'd also like to apologize for my delay in getting my next entry up -- I've been having to take a hand in helping get Ging-I-VTS-6 up to speed on her predecessor's jobs. We've been working daycycle and nightcycle around here to help clean up the residual damage from the Toothpaste_Disaster, and losing one of our top administrators isn't helping matters.

Oh, and Drake-U -- I've got my eye on you now. Going to such lengths to condemn an innocent clone... What have you got to hide?

-- Ken-U

Ken-U, we both know that Indigos are a dime a dozen. If she was so important, why didn't you promote her to Violet like she deserved? I think you enjoyed her company for more than her management skills...

And she was a traitor, as I have already shown with her testimony that she aided in the failure of Project_Infinite_Hole. The only legitimate explanation is that whoever cleared her of involvement in the Toothpaste_Disaster didn't make the connection between it and Project Infinite Hole, which is tenuous at best. I am 99% certain that she didn't contribute to the Toothpaste Disaster and she isn't related to gum disease; that doesn't absolve her of her role in the sabotage of Project Infinite Hole.

I just hope that you can calm down for a minutecycle, put your personal feelings for her behind you, and think of how much safer Alpha Complex is now that the traitor has been uncovered and paid for her crimes. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gotten the vital clue I needed to uncover her treasonous deeds.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Drake-U, please remember that you are a PLC High Programmer, not Internal Security. I can't believe that you wasted an entire daycycle interrogating a single clone. Have you any idea how many Triplication Loops and Database Recursions slipped past you while you whiled away the hourcycles in your personal interrogation chamber? You had my staff and Omega-U's working overtime for three daycycles afterwards.

Your unhealthy zeal for Internal Security work carries the subtext that you are not satisfied with your placement in PLC. In fact, it suggests that you think Friend Computer made a mistake in your Service Group assignment. And we all know that Friend Computer does not make mistakes!

In the future, please dedicate a little more time to paperwork and a little less time to interrogation. Leave that business to the experts.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

While the records on transfers were mostly lost in the Disaster-- so I can't prove it-- it's pretty clear to me that Drake-U used to be Internal Security and took advantage of the Group_Assignment_Services_Exchange_Scheme_(GASES) to buy himself a FART into PLC. I would guess he'd made too many enemies in IntSec, or dropped the ball on something mission-critical, or just couldn't take the heat in the kitchen anymore, and thought that PLC wouldn't pay such close attention to his tendency towards poor impulse control. I don't believe the patently phony biographical note that claims he started as a lowly equipment clerk; nobody develops his sort of sadistic bloodlust on a ReqDesk, not even at a Complaints Center-- we develop an entirely different urge towards cruelty. For that matter, I can't think of a single real PLC High Programmer who has ever bothered to "interrogate" anyone personally. Torture is the least interesting way to pass time I can possibly think of.

I also note that, even in his wholly-manufactured BioFile, he can't resist talking about integrating PLC operations with Internal Security processo operations. Read it over again. Hear that note of nostalgia in the way he talks about it? Former IntSec all the way, still pining for the days when he was supposed to tear limbs off people and suck the marrow from their bones.

Anyway, it's unfortunate, but as long as GASES is frozen and nobody can FART, we're stuck with Drake-U. At least until such time as the INFRARED_Citizens of LAH show up with torches and pitchforks.

-- Knok-U-OUT-6

(Of course, it's obvious that many of the members of this commission are lying about their Service Firm allegiance, since almost 50% of the entire panel consists of "PLC". Friend Computer presumably knows who is really associated with what agency, and has insured the proper balance of members from all eight Firms, allowing undercover members to make up whatever cover story they want.)

-- Knok-U

I will have you know, Jan-U, that I sacrificed one of my Mandatory Vacation Daycycles in order to give myself the time to take care of this interrogation properly. My own staff was supposed to take care of those things while I was working. However, my once-trusted supervisor Ner-V-ANA-2 failed to relay that to the rest of my staff, causing the lapse. I am sorry for any trouble his incompetance has caused; I am putting him on the Rack as we speak and plan on further interrogation of him later.

As for my "unhealthy zeal", it is required by the very project we're working on! We already have 3 other supposedly PLC High Programmers working on the project, while IntSec failed to send a single representative (that we know of). Research into the proper forms and alternative uses of Toothpasty_Supplement_#5 can only go so far!

No, in order to find out what truly happened, we need interrogations. Lots of interrogations. And since the undercover IntSec representive (I know you're there) has failed to contribute his skills to the report, it falls to me. What used to be a hobby of mine, a way to reduce the stress of the daycycle's work, has become vitally important to uncovering the truth of this matter!

And I will continue to contribute my interrogation skills until the proper IntSec representative steps forward and takes them over like he was supposed to weeks ago!

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

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2013-06-13 13:58