Project Finite Hole

"We can do better than those idiots."
-Unofficial Motto of Project Finite Hole

Picture a dimly-lit laboratory in some forgotten area designation. A pair of scientists have finished their overnight testing early and are passing the time until the door is unlocked in the morningcycle. They sit around the table, passing a beaker of AAA and reminiscing about the old daycycles, when citizens were citizens, bots were bots, and executions left stains for a weekcycle. The discussion drifts to Project_Infinite_Hole, just canceled a year ago.

Scientist #1: "You know, I was on that. Almost lost an arm to an Acidophizz spill."
Scientist #2: "You got lucky. My predecessor lost his torso in that work! Thank Computer they finally canceled it."
Scientist #1: "You pinko! That project was vital! I was devastated when it was canceled. No more daycycles operating heavy machinery, no more towering mounds of dirt, no more gape-jawed Infrareds staring at us in awe."
Scientist #2: "I do miss the machinery. We'd be moving it through the transtubes and all the citizens would be running and screaming. 'AIIIEEE! AIIIEEE!' We were on top of the Complex."
Scientist #1: "You know, we could do it again..."

The road to HEL is paved with Freudian intentions.

Make-U-CRY's call to purify AC's water supply provided an excuse. A group of scientists volunteered for the assignment. With a UV's backing, they had no problem getting all the funding and equipment they needed. Their early attempt to pacify an impatient Make-U-CRY led to his abandonment of the project. (See Aqua_Purity_Emergency_Sediment_and_Chemical_Interception_Team.)

Project Finite Hole (PFH) should've suffered an obscure death then, but an unknown source in HPD&MC adopted it to "ensure the purity of Alpha Complex's fluid supply". (Personally, I believe they were using it as an excuse to request more construction workers.) They made a deal with Power Services to supply the necessary power and transportation support. IntSec came on soon after, citing a need to "ensure that HPD&MC ensures the purity of Alpha Complex's fluid supply". Bizz-I-BEE-10 was put in charge of the whole mess.

Surviving Computer records show that PFH was an orderly, if disruptive, project at first. The only major concern was about the high rate of supply theft, mainly vehicles and explosives. Then Project Infinite Hole (PIH) was resurrected.

A few barbs exchanged on the Inter-Service Forums were nothing compared to the fisticuffs that broke out when both projects tried to dig up the same zone. Escalating conflicts embroiled Service Groups and Secret Societies alike. Rather than bore you with the details, I've listed a few of the incidents that led to the attack on Nuclear Facility RON-372/A:

• The first round of FARTS is followed by massive exchanges on KriegsList. Progress on both projects screeches to a halt for monthcycles as traitors are weeded out. Loyalty Building Meetings are held. Project loyalty is built up by beating the traitors.

• A group of PIH mechanics are jumped during a lunchbreak. Their heads are sent back to Tech Services in a box labeled "Need Repairs".
• Following routine elevator maintenance by Tech at PFH HQ, the first hapless users are slammed into the ground at Mach 8. The rest become exceptionally fit from using the stairs.

• An Armed Forces rocket test goes awry when the missiles slam into a Power office building. The Armed Forces does an investigation and later executes their HPD&MC consultant for "assuring them it was abandoned".

• "Commie mutant bugs" are released by Sierra Club in an Armed Forces hangar. The Army's attempts to exterminate them result in over 5,000,000 credits of damage to combat vehicles.

• IntSec raids an FCCCP meeting on PIH premises. The accompanying HPD&MC vidcrew ensure that the footage is aired over a dozen times in the following weekcycle. PIH head De-V-ITO is demoted to Yellow clearance in shame.

• Bizz-I-BEE, the head of the PFH project, suddenly goes missing. His remains are later found clogging up the pipes in Bathroom #182742. Investigators say that "it looks like he was forced through the small end".

• The identities of over 200 IntSec agents working undercover in PURGE & Death Leopard are leaked. The ensuing bloodbath results in 243 casualties to the PFH workforce.

• Utilizing creative plumbing, a team of PURGE engineers reroutes a flow of Galvanic Accelerant Dip into a Tech Services Bot Cleanliness Facility. The resulting destruction of 621 Jackobots keep Tech mechanics working overtime for months.

• Ging-I-VTS-5 helps sabotage the power flow to an experimental engine constructed by PIH. Her power fluctuation overloads the engine during testing, vaporizing most of the PIH R&D lab and scientists. Advanced Engine Design is set back 7 yearcycles.

• The Ultraviolet leader of the project (of whom all traces have been deleted) attempts to use the CyberHack_Programming_Helmet against PFH. That attempt failed miserably.

• Reeling from two blows and extensive reorganization, PIH personnel rally behind the leader's subordinate (of whom all traces have been deleted). He proposes an attack on a Power reactor, leading to the Four_Reactor_Foam_Flood.¹

After that last incident, 99% of the members of both projects erased any affiliations they had with the project. Luckily you can always count on that 1% to screw things up. A half-weekcycle of extensive chain interrogations later, I have uncovered 491 members of both projects. All of them have been put to work entertaining me.²

Of these 491 members, most of them follow the Secret Society/Service Group schisms outlined. Two important connections came up, though. First, six of the PFH members were previously WhirledRON_Energy employees. Second, over a half-dozen members on both projects claim to be underlings for the Voodoo_Economists.

Refs: CyberHack_Programming_Helmet, Four_Reactor_Foam_Flood, Ging-I-VTS-5, KriegsList, Project_Infinite_Hole, WhirledRON_Energy, Voodoo_Economists

See also: Aqua_Purity_Emergency_Sediment_and_Chemical_Interception_Team

-- Drake-U-LAH-2

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Commentary:

As usual, I have to treat with extreme skepticism anything told to you during your "interrogation" dalliances. When we want actual and useful information from Citizens, we turn them over to Internal Security. They are the professionals that the Computer trusts to get this sort of work done. Anything else is a waste of valuable High Programmer time-- yours, for playing games with the peasants, and ours, for making us read more nonsense about Voodoo_Economists and such. The mere fact that you've apparently spent the last several days torturing approximately 500 people, the end result of which is "some of them claim to be underlings", demonstrates an inefficiency that would be positively treasonous, if anyone actually ever relied on LAH Sector for anything mission-critical.

-- Knok-U-OUT-6

Regarding Footnote 1: Indeed, I am double- and even triple-checking the "interesting details" you passed along. Naturally, I would not hesitate to post any verifiable facts.

-- Servs-U

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