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An offshoot of the original ToothBot project, the Denta-Bot marks a new era in automated cybernetic full-mouth oral implants. Not only does the Denta-Bot record all of its host's utterances, it can exit its host's mouth and walk around on stumpy little legs, much like the infamous ChatterBot and its Old Reckoning antecedents (see Old_Reckoning_Video_Entertainment_Archive_#949/GAG).

What renders the Denta-Bot superior to all extant oral implants is its unique Kontact-Inclined Situational Surgery functionality. By using the KISS feature, the clone implanted with a Denta-Bot may perform oral surgery and other orthodontic procedures upon any other clone by dint of prolonged mouth-to-mouth contact. R&D whiz Porn-O-MAG-6, who devised the original prototype, explained in his feasibility study that R&D data indicated that such oral contact helped to reinforce bonds of fellowship and camaraderie between fellow citizens. "It is my earnest hope," he told the committee, "that KISSing will bring the entire population of Alpha Complex together in peace and harmony." (Later, he added cryptically that "this might require a certain amount of lubrication.")

Despite the shocking 97.4% TVI (Treason Verbalization Index) rate recorded by the original Denta-Bots that resulted in full product recall and termination of the HPD&MC marketing firm responsible for selling the whole first run to Commie traitors, the Computer had full confidence in the product line and sent it to R&D for retooling. Designed by the brilliant Peps-I-COL-1 before her promotion to INDIGO clearance, the Peps-O Denta-Bot contains all sorts of fancy equipment; in addition to providing a full suite of dental hygiene products and services, it includes spring-out fangs, the TING-class Laser Glare System, and cyanide capsules galore for coping with unexpected Commie interrogation.

The Peps-O Denta-Bot rollout in COL, RON and TTH sectors coincided with the Toothpaste Disaster. Both PURGE and Corpore Metal have claimed responsibility for installing faulty Asimov Circuits from Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX in hundreds of newly installed Denta-Bots, causing them to rip free from their hosts' jaws and roam rampant through the halls in savage herds, brutally assaulting hapless clones that wandered into their paths, until they finally bored into the walls to chew through the precious pipes conveying Toothpasty_Supplement_#5.

PLC staffers under my direction have thoroughly investigated the incident, resulting in the discovery of a clear paper trail leading to Frame-R-UPP-4. I recommend immediate termination of Frame-R, followed by her meticulous interrogation by IntSec.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Refs: Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX, Frame-R-UPP-4, Old_Reckoning_Video_Entertainment_Archive_#949/GAG


Re: "causing them to rip free from their hosts' jaws and roam rampant..."

The clones whose jaws were torn off were the lucky ones. Haven't there been reports of Denta-Bots dragging their unfortunate hosts across whole sectors through the ductwork?

(See also my (upcoming) report on the CyberChomp_4000.)

-- Don-U-DON-11

I can assure you that many of those reports of Denta-Bots in the ductwork are true. It's unfortunate, yet strangely titillating. It reminds me of some of those Old Reckoning "horror" entertainment vids that HPD&MC have been recycling for Documentaries.

And I look forward to your (upcoming) report on the CyberChomp_4000.

-- Jan-U

You know, Jan-U-ARY-31, I have been working on creating a whole stream of that sort of vid, for Yellow Clearance entertainment, with the appropriate backmasking and such, from splicing together Troubleshooter clips, and using a graphics editor on the faces, so that it seems to be the same clones, "to protect the not-yet-executed". I am going to publish under the name "Full NightCycle Bulb Entertainment".

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3


Getting back to the task at hand, I must comment on how the problems of Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX resulted in the Denta-Bots going frankenstein.

As you all know, the first Asimov Law is "A robot may not, through action or inaction, allow The Computer to come to harm." In the defective batch, however, all references to The Computer had been replaced with the bots' primary objective; in this case, citizen's teeth. The result? A rampaging horde of misled bots that were more interested in protecting citizens' teeth than in protecting the citizens themselves.

As we all know, the problem didn't pop up until several daycycles had passed. The bots, desperately trying to keep citizens' teeth clean despite their bad hygeine, obviously decided that the best place for teeth is outside the mouth. They quickly got to work extracting the teeth without any consideration for the citizen's happiness. They even stole entire jaws, if it was quicker. Unfortunately, the victims' inability to talk coherently delayed action.

The Denta-Bots roamed through the passageways, attacking hapless citizens and abscombing with their pearly whites. Soon they had collected thousands of teeth and were seeking the optimal place to protect them. What better way to protect teeth than by immersing them in Toothpasty_Supplement_#5?

Fortunately, the massive flood of Toothpasty Supplement #5 that resulted from their pipe-burrowing gummed up their works enough to take them offline. Who knows how much worse the Toothpaste_Disaster would be if they were still active during it?

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Drake-U, I believe you are confusing Denta-Bots with Dental-Bots. A Denta-Bot, as an automated cybernetic full-mouth oral implant, is implanted in a citizen's mouth, replacing the extant organic teeth, gums and jaws. Thus, they didn't have to yank teeth out, since they had become the teeth in question by means of substitution.

Have you been paying attention to the subject matter of this inquiry at all, or have you gone back to your usual method of fobbing your work off on subordinates of inadequate security clearance while you immerse yourself in reruns of "Teela-O-MLY Unclothed: The Interrogation Sessions"?

-- Jan-U

Jan-U, Drake-U... perhaps I can be of some assistance. I've crossed-referenced Denta-Bots and Dental-Bots in the Tech Services database. It turns out that Denta-Bots seem to refer to an entire series of related bots, which focus on oral hygeine, oral surgery, and complaints of the mouth. In this family of bots is a class of bots listed as "Dentu-Bots" which were self-aware, powered dental prosthetics. Perhaps these are what you are referring to, Jan-U. It turns out that Dental-Bots are not in the Denta-Bot family at all... They are, in fact, an obsolete class of bodywork and repair bots used to correct impact related blemishes on transbots.

Hope this helps clear the air...


Hmm. According to the PLC database, the "Dentu-Bot" was a specialized model of the "Klaatu-Bot." I vaguely recall the slogan: "The Bot From Outer Space! (Only Not)".

-- Jan-U

Of course, you realize CPU's to blame for this definition mishap. "Infrareds can do that grunt work just fine!" my ass.

-- Drake-U

Denta-Bots, Dentu-Bots, Dental-Bots... I think somewhere along the line all of you techies got so caught up in your oral fixations that you forgot the real cause of tooth decay: Communism! Never forget: "The best dental hygiene is mental hygiene."

-- Don-U-DON-11

I shall have to file complaint forms at this rate! The treasonous incompetance of the INFRARED imbeciles is making it difficult to get any real work done around here. I hope that this CPU screwup does not negatively impact on my own brilliant entry on the CyberHack_Programming_Helmet ...

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

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2013-06-13 13:53