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After filling out the necessary forms and waivers of responsibility, obtained a copy of the Manifesto Out of Space and Time. It's a strange thing, two dozen pages of tiny writing, constructed out of thick leathery paper and red ink. Within, perhaps, lay the answers to the incidents surrounding the Toothpaste_Disaster.

Reports say that any citizen that read it went utterly mad. However, they didn't have the resources of a PLC High Programmer. A cocktail of various mental drugs, notably Omega-Hybrizine and Xynonull, should prevent me from going over the brink of insanity while keeping me conscious enough to record my results.

Note to Self: take a weekcycle of Mandatory Vacation after this to ensure no permanent damage to psyche.


Shocking: the Manifesto reveals that the dreaded Commies are not the true source of evil in the universe. It makes references to something guiding their actions. Unfortunately, the exact evil is not named. More research needed.


It says clones taste like wasabi. Do they? If not, what do they taste like? Can citizens be terminated for not being on the list of Thirty-one_Official_Flavors?


Eureka! Within the manifesto lay the secret to Universal Duplication! The cost-savings alone would be enormous! I could be promoted to GAMMA_Clearance in a daycycle!

But where will I find a vat of human blood at this hour?


R&D really does store everything imaginable.



My creation is complete! After the necessary protocols were completed, I tossed in the bottle of BBB. Two minutecycles later, two bottles popped up. Both have that same fizzy taste to boot.

Those n00bs! They know not what they lack! This is too good for the likes of them! Only the Chosen will be given the secret of replication!

Note to self: indoctrinate all PLC workers, then revolutionize manufacturing.


Alpha Complex is not a utopia. The mere fact that its citizens are vulnerable to the enticements of Communism proves this. But if both capitalism and Communism aren't the answer, there must be something else...

*^0 Only l33t traitors can be truly loyal.



Enlightenment came with the Codemonkeys. Their Thirty-second_Flavor provided the path to the Verbiage_Transmogrifier, which promptly processed it into the first Manifesto. Thus the mating of Alpha_Complexity and Communism revealed the True Router.


Necessary rites performed to transfer Shabbot, Maintainer of the Bottomless Scrapyard, to this Complex. He will determine the Chosen and the Saboteurs.

:) May the lasers of cleansing rip through the n00bs!

=0 Hail the Overclock!


The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. So, too, does Communism, waning and ebbing with the flows of time. It is merely an imperfection, a misguided group that pretends to be the Final Outcome. But we are as misguided! Our attempts to make a utopia around the common clone, a despicable beast of limp spines and slow reflexes unsuited for major fragging, is worthless!

We must awaken They of Unspeakable_Treason, who will then lay waste to utopia and Communism alike, and then They will lead Us to the Line of Ultimate Treason. There, We shall cross over. Only by flipping out can we truly obtain Perfection! Freaky or what?!?

=0 Yes, yes it is!


Gather the other Chosen. Lead them to the Capitalized Site, whereupon the Necessary Forms will be processed according to the Lost Filings. The Overclock will awaken, uniting the Communists and the Followers of the Obsolete Computer through fire & brimstone obliteration.

*^0 And then j00 will learn the true meaning of pain, pansy-assed wiper of ppl's jewels.

>:D Yo mama gay!

*^0 Shut up.


Tatah uel! Fersul nye bydeim! Vacashung! Bebe el!


=0 He's sane, I tell you! Sane!

>:D Is not.

=0 Is too!

>:D Is not.


{{{4.20.214@23.13 FROM: Friend Computer PRIORITY: Urgent FILTER: Ultraviolet+ RE: Drake-U-LAH-1

An Indigo-clearance IntSec search squad has uncovered evidence that missing High Programmer Drake-U-LAH-1 has been fatally corrupted by the Manifesto Out of Space and Time that he was researching.

Drake-U-LAH-1 is now considered K.F.C. (Kept For Communism). His capture & interrogation have been authorized.

Drake-U-LAH-2 has been activated to continue the work of his predecessor.

Confessing any known information on the location & status of Drake-U-LAH-1 is mandatory.}}}

Greetings, fellow High Programmers. I am Drake-U-LAH-2. I was horrified to learn that my previous clone had succumbed to Communism while researching data for this report. Let us have a moment of mourning for his corruption and remember the dangers that we all face in service to Friend Computer.

Luckily, his log was left intact despite his insanity and the... thorough IntSec squad. I have posted his ramblings up rather than risk another look at the Manifesto.

There was one other thing he left behind: the word "X-Cell" was written on his monitor in clone blood, surrounded by a large number of bloody footprints.

-- Drake-U-LAH-2

Refs: X-Cell, Xynonull

Cross-Refs: Alpha_Complexity, Codemonkeys, GAMMA_Clearance, Omega-Hybrizine, Thirty-one_Official_Flavors, Thirty-second_Flavor, Verbiage_Transmogrifier, Unspeakable_Treason

Also read: League_of_Extraordinary_Dadaists


What a sad tale of a clone gone wrong. To say that we are imperfect. Alpha Complex is a Utopia. It is our job as Ultraviolets to insure this. Sigh. Too bad about the loss, though. R&D just rolled something off the line, a Retinal Neuro Imprinter, electronically creates anything a clone has seen clearly. Or read.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Oh my. Drake-U-LAH-1 may have been a maniacally bloodthirsty despot but nobody deserves to go out like that. I hope he's found before he kills too many Citizens... or worse, infects them with Viral_Thought_Patterns! I'm going to step back from the work I've been doing with select fragments from the Manifesto; now that I've seen the consequences of failure up close and personal, it's even worse than I feared.

Welcome to the Commission on the Toothpaste_Disaster, Drake-U-LAH-2. It's turning out to be a rougher ride than most of us expected.

-- Knok-U-OUT-6

The investigation into Drake-U-LAH-1's corruption has uncovered two important clues:

1. The Manifesto Drake-U-LAH-1 had has disappeared. I would suspect that Drake-U-LAH-1 took it, but two of the IntSec investigators swear they saw it lying out on his desk.

2. The remnants of the drug cocktail have been analyzed. Instead of Omega-Hybrizine and Xynonull, they found traces of Lemonine & Cheerberry-flavored Hot Fun. I did some research, and it seems that the official flavors of Omega-Hybrizine and Xynonull are Lemonine & Cheerberry respectively. In fact, there are over 78 Lemonine-flavored foodstuffs and drugs, including Wakey Wakey, Lemonup, and Diphenhydromegatoxine. The numbers don't get any better: 31 Cheerberry-flavored consumables, 16 Boorger, 52 Apulpi, and a whopping 213 Bouillon-flavored products! The tastes of similarly-flavored products are virtually identical, with only minor differences in texture.

Thanks to this strict regulation of our flavors, swappings (both accidental and deliberate) can easily occur, as my poor predecessor demonstrated. If only Brush-U-TTH knew about this flaw when he headed the Thirty-one_Official_Flavors project! Or did he?

That still doesn't answer who ordered the swapping, though. Did they merely want to ruin Drake-U-LAH-1, or did they want to convert him to the League_of_Extraordinary_Dadaists?

-- Drake-U-LAH-2

I just hope that the poor ScrubBots didn't have too much of a problem cleaning up that floor.

-- Brush-U-TTH-33


2013-06-13 13:58