Internal Security Traitor Dossier
Subject: Jen-I-COL-3
Security Clearance Violet Required |
{{{Subject Incept Date/Time Stamp: 170:122:1732.38 Cloning Facility: Clone Bank COL-04/C
Service Group: R&D Service Firm: COLgate BioTech ("We'll make you Smile")
Security Clearance: Indigo Loyalty Index: 2 Commendation Index: 7
Registered Mutation: None Suspected Secret Society Affiliation: Romantics
Last ME usage: 189:191:0720:1208.51 Last ME location: DYT
Distinguishing Characteristics:
- Pre-occupation with appearance. Hair well exceeding regulation height and length. Consistently chewing.}}}
Notes: An R&D supervisor of considerable talent, Jen-I-COL has not been seen or reported in for some time now. Her rapid rise to Indigo clearance has been backed by the word of several previous supervisors, although specific details of what caused them to recommend her promotion is rather lacking. Notable accomplishments include the Aural_Static_Taste_Enhancer, RhinoKleen and Rose-Tinted_Macro-Goggles
Investigations of Jen-I-COL's movements and associations lead to a 82% probability that the subject is affiliated with a sub-society of the Romantics known as Power_Pops. Given Jen-I's repeated appearances relating to the Toothpaste Disaster, it has been calculated that the Power_Pops have 77% probability of being one of the Secret_Societies_Involved_In_the_Toothpaste_Disaster.
In addition, Jen-I-COL's proximity to the various High Programmer recreational complexes in COL sector should not be overlooked. This proximity would have afforded access to numerous ULTRAVIOLET citizens, including many of those sitting on this very panel, and also including the much lamented Flo-U-RID-3.
Refs: Aural_Static_Taste_Enhancer, Flo-U-RID-3, Power_Pops, RhinoKleen, Rose-Tinted_Macro-Goggles, Secret_Societies_Involved_In_the_Toothpaste_Disaster
-- Watt-U-GOT-9
Addendum: There may also be a relation to the League_of_Extraordinary_Dadaists, as evidenced by the Help message directed to the late Knok-U-OUT-5.
Commentary:
Hm. You know, I think my predecessor... shall we say... "knew" this Citizen's first clone while he/we still had property in COL Sector! At least, I think he did, if the R&D facility she worked for in COL Sector was the Blast Limits Observation Compound. Man, she was smokin' hot. I wonder... I wonder if she's the same ol' Jen-I from the BLOC...
-- Knok-U-OUT-6
Have you stopped taking your hormonal suppressants, Knok-U?
-- Jan-U-ARY-31
Dang, grandma! Who died and made you Unhappiness Officer? You've been in that jar so long, you've forgotten how to live!
I know we're on a massively important assignment and I know the Computer is counting on us to come through with this report-- despite the fact that many of us are probably in mortal peril. Hell, I'm in near-total isolation right now, well off the normal channels and completely ghosted in the machine, just to keep from being hunted down like "Five". We're up to our necks in a Vat of Trouble, no doubt. But am I letting that get me down? Hell naw!
The Computer wants you to be happy, Jan, and I gotta say, looking over your commentary of the last few days, you don't sound like a very happy person. You sound like an Unhappy Jan. Come on, sistah, jump up and shake it a little bit! You'll feel better.
-- Knok-U
(Well, I suppose you'll have to settle for teleremotely instructing a bot equipped with sensory feeds to jump up and shake it, but as long as the datastream back to you is clean enough, it should still be enough to make you feel better.)
-- Knok-U
Jan-U, I share your concern about Knok-U's behavior post-replacement. It is entirely too informal, paranoid, and reeks of near-treasonous behavior (such as the apparent cessation of hormone suppressants. Given that you're already flipping out about being "hunted", it shouldn't concern you too much that I'll be opening up an investigation into this behavior, Knok-U.
-- Servs-U
You know who his recent behavior and mannerisms remind me of? Brush-U-TTH-32. And you know, no one's seen Brush-U lately...
-- Jan-U