Prompted into action by the requests forthcoming from several Happiness Recession Testimony forms following Brush-U-TTH-31s questionable experimentation with improvements to the already perfect Bouncy Bubble Beverage formula, R&D developed the Aural Static Taste Enhancer.
The device delivers electrostatic pulses, within acceptable tolerances, through the aural bone structure into the jaw, revivifying depleted taste buds. This provided focus group members of the B4 project, troubled by tongue growths, to once again appreciate all the delicate flavors and nuances that Alpha Complexes Algae dietary supplements and toothsome soft drinks have to offer.
A further benefit of the Enhancer has been that it can be fitted to any Friend Citizen to enhance their Whole_Oral_Experience, increasing baseline satisfaction of all dietary supplements to such a degree that a 34.2% reduction of supplement rations has been achieved in MOR Sector without any ascertainable reduction in the Citizen happiness quotient.
There have been reports of the Enhancer having unexpected side effects, specifically Molecular_Dissolution_Reactions with certain protein activators where standard immunoprecipitation has not been directed to inhibit DNA-binding. I understand the R&D staff in BAD Sector have been working on resolving issues with sub-standard quality control on Beta-Toxsystene manufacture - the most common protein activator, currently used in the creation of Toothpasty_Supplement_#5 - to allow trials of the Aural Static Taste Enhancer to be extended.
When you say "delicate flavors and nuisances", you do mean "delicate flavors and nuances", right? I should hope you're not some kind of unAlphan algae-hater.
Where is IntSec when you need to counteract privacy insurgences like this? It said nuances when I forged additions to the record to assist in a covert Commie operation that I'm definitely involved with and Costin-U knew nothing about!
Clearly the Commies can't have infiltrated the secure Computer database where these records are stored, so the problem must be on your end. I'm sending a team to your quarters to confiscate all data storage media and communications gear that may be tapped by Commie, ProTech, or Computer Phreak agents. We'll turn it over to IntSec after decontamination.
What in the name of the Computers merciful diodes is going on here? Insecure Computer database? Commie forgery of classified personal records? I'll send round a couple of Power Service Ultra-Vulture Secur-O Guards to this Scape-G-OAT-6's quarters...
Costin, you silly fool, the Computer database is inviolate. Including the backups. You know, the ones that indicate all the changes you've been making to your report?
It's always the cover-up that gets them...