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B4 was the code name of an experimental new "tooth friendly" soft drink. Had the project not been aborted, this beverage would have replaced the popular Bouncy Bubble Beverage, or "B3", as they call it in the break rooms.

The B4 project was initiated at the request of the late Brush-U-TTH-31, who first contacted me about six months before the unfortunate toothpaste incident. Brush-U had commissioned a report on Dental Hygiene in the Alpha Complex. The (rather questionable) report found that the "highly acidic composition" of Bouncy Bubble Beverage was responsible for an epidemic of tooth decay, and that the B3 recipe should be adjusted accordingly... by my department. I reminded Brush-U that R&D already offered a full line of replacement teeth - including the newly released CyberChomp_4000 - which made Tooth_Decay a non-issue. However, he would not be dissuaded.

Two months later, B4 was ready for testing. Initial focus group results were quite positive, with 87% of respondents praising the new formula as "Smooth" and "Refreshing". Furthermore, the remaining 13% would have similarly praised the product, were it not for an unusual tongue growth that made speech rather difficult for the afflicted respondents. Things were looking good for B4... the PLC guys were planning to roll out the new beverage within weeks. It was at this point that Brush-U contacted me again, telling me he had found "another, far more permanent" solution to the tooth decay issue. Shortly thereafter, the project was cancelled.

Now all that's left of B4 is a pile of notes and a warehouse full of "WAKE ME UP **B4** YOU GO GO" promotional T-shirts.

-- Circ-U-LAT-23

Refs: CyberChomp_4000, Tooth_Decay

Referenced by:


Commentary: Good news, Friend High Programmer Circ-U! My concept for Virtual Food capsules is current undergoing public beta-testing in sectors ATK and INS. Imagine: one day we can all eat whatever we want, whenever we want, just by thinking about it! Excited? Let me tell you, sister! BTW, please have someone from WAM Sector send me some of those promotional shirts. They sound fantastic!

-- Brush-U-TTH-32

What clearance are those promotional shirts, Programmer? I'm curious.


Since B4 was intended as a drink for the masses, the shirts were all cleared for Infrared citizens. If either you or Friend High Programmer Brush-U want any of the shirts, they are yours for the taking! Actually, I heard that a few dozen of them may have been briefly commandeered by a team of Troubleshooters assigned to mop up an Acidophizz spill. However, I'm certain that those drug-saturated garments were disposed of properly - not returned to the warehouse where the other shirts are being stored. Well, fairly certain...

-- Circ-U-LAT-23

A quick note, a side-effect that was noted in B4 is that the fumes it produces may have an effect on Asimov circuits. Unfortunately due to the short time-frame it was available, a full suite of testing was unable to be run. However, this may have played a role in the Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX.

-- Watt

Indeed. I believe this to have played some role in the dissapearance of the only prototype CyberHack_Programming_Helmet and have made notes for the clones in charge of researching Project_Infinite_Hole to investigate further... Hopefully the source of the treasonous incompetance surrounding us will eventually be discovered and terminated.

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

2013-06-13 13:52