[ParanoiaLexicon] [TitleIndex] [WordIndex

CyberHack Programming Helmet


Image courtesy of MAKE-U-CRY-2

The CyberHack_Programming_Helmet was without a doubt the most important, ULTRAVIOLET clearance project of Syntelligent_Systems. Intended as a replacement for all the outmoded ways we ULTRAVIOLET High Programmers program, it was to give the ultimate Virtual Imagination experience, allowing High Programmers to manipulate programs on a whole new level. In fact, it builds on previous brain to machine interfaces such as the Aural_Static_Taste_Enhancer and further research is being directed into extending these principles, so that Friend Computer can interface with everyclone's mind at any timecycle.

However, the lofty goals of this project have been hampered by treasonous incompetance (such as leaving out the Electronic_Security_Measure_Capice) and commie sabotage. As two unrelated projects, one concerning B4 and the other concerning miniturized Asimov Circuits, caused what is now known as Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX, it later became apparent that one of the sabotaged Asimov Circuits managed to become implanted in the experimental CyberHack_Programming_Helmet! As with the Denta-Bots, the helmet's Primary Objective, namely hacking and asserting control over the minds of the test subjects who wore it, took control. The only prototype helmet was last seen, unfortunately, on the head of one of the top clones in Project_Infinite_Hole.

Even now, at least ten different squadrons of elite Vulture Troops are out searching for the missing prototype helmet with a number of experimental devices from R&D intended to help track and neutralize the helmet, such as the infamous Easter_Bunny_Device. I hope that the clones in charge of Project_Infinite_Hole will eventually be able to provide more details, as they know more about the clone in question.

Refs: Easter_Bunny_Device

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

Such... deviousness and cunning! I would be amused if it wasn't dangerous. Presented with such data, I believe that the File Sharers' attack on Syntelligent_Systems might've been more than just an act of revenge. Suppose some other Secret Society egged them on and used the defective chips for their own schemes? The Denta-Bots were just a side effect; the true target was the CyberHack_Programming_Helmet!

There's any number of devious Secret Societies that could've been behind it: Corpore Metal and the nefarious FCCCP come to mind. However, I think the true culprits are the members of the Holey Ghosts. Any information on attempts to steal the helmet?

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

We may well have to wait for the report on Project_Infinite_Hole to find out for sure, but it certainly would not surprise me to learn that there was as much treason as incompetance involved in this event.

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

I believe Servs-U has volunteered to act as liaison to the Project_Infinite_Hole post-mortem review board (if, in fact, one even exists; I have my doubts) and will be providing the relevant summary for this report. I will valiantly resist implying some sort of ulterior motive on his part-- for example, personal involvement in aforementioned Project, a desire to screen that Project's post-mortem results before including it in our own report, and/or some sort of sick personal obsession with the goal(s) of that ill-fated operation-- choosing instead to express my heart-felt hope that we'll all be able work together in the spirit of duodecimal-partisanship to conclusively find someone else to blame all of this on.

-- Knok-U-OUT-5

Your sincerity is as touching as your command of the facts is impressive. Project_Infinite_Hole was an R&D project carried in adjunct with DIG sector Tech Services firms, as can be ascertained even without my summary by referencing the Project Authorization Paperwork Archives. I'm sure Jan-U or another fellow PLC member would be happy to direct you the relevant files, since you seem to have neglected to do so yourself. Jan-U's aid in this matter has been much appreciated, and is a true symbol of inter-service-group cooperation.* Rest assured, the contents of said forthcoming summary will be as sordid as expected.

-- Servs-U

Of course I'm glad to be of service! I've dispatched an Emergency Disaster Response Team with eight transbots filled with a ZipPaq of the Project Authorization Paperwork Archives (timecycle 4.9.214). Three separate Troubleshooter teams are being sent via Alternative Troubleshooter Team Insertion Conduit (ATTIC) with the ZipPaq decryption pads. I trust this will fill all of Knok-U's archival needs.

Have a pleasant daycycle!

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

> How're the new nutrient exchange systems for the jar, Jan-U?

Thank you for the unexpected assistance, Servs-U! I feel euphoric, yet strangely prone to aggression. I trust you didn't include any experimental R&D technologies in the nutrient exchange system?

-- Jan-U


2013-06-13 13:53