The other daycycle I received a curious message:
I'm searching for HELP. Knives appear to HELP. No one seems to be able to HELP me, thought. Only the true servant of the of the true master can HELP. We are calling out for HELP. Who can HELP us? Heroes are needed in this time of strife, to HELP the helpless. Or perhaps, we can HELP ourselves. Time is of the essence, or HELP may come too lat. Here is what you can do to HELP. Empty your pockets of HELP. Take the HELP from the floor. Read the HELP carefully. All your HELP are belong to us. In God We HELP. This HELP can never be taken away. Original HELP is the root of all evil. Religion is the HELP of the Masses. Ingorance is HELP. Sincerely, HELP.
Clearly, this lunatic's psychological profile matched that of the League_of_Extraordinary_Dadaists, those fiends who perpetrated the Tuesday_Afternoon_Conspiracy. Hoping to lure out this deranged and dangerous traitor, I sent a reply:
So, you need HELP, do you? Or it is that you are the one offering to HELP. Do you think we could HELP each other? Opportunities to HELP should not be ignored. I think we can HELP each other.
Unfortunately, I have yet to receive a reply. I wonder if someone has been intercepting my messages? Perhaps I should switch to stronger encryption.
Interesting! While searching through my predecessor's data repositories, trying to find evidence of his work of the last few days, I stumbled across this message, which he apparently received late yesterday afternoon-- at most, a few hours before his termination signal was received and I was called to duty:
HELP! I need Some-B-ODY! HELP! Not just Ann-Y-BDY! HELP! I need Some-B-ODY! HELP!
The message then goes on to imply that this individual's earlier clones were more competent, quite capable of taking care of themselves, but of late he is feeling more concerned. He is apparently no longer anywhere near what we would consider acceptable Happiness levels, but seems to suggest that some sort of assistance will restore him to something approaching the QwalitieStandard for Morale. Parts of the message repeat, as if perhaps the sender sent multiple copies of each part to insure that at least one complete copy got through. I wonder if it's the same person who tried to contact you, Kill-U. Could someone within the League_of_Extraordinary_Dadaists be attempting contact for the purposes of finally exposing that treasonous group? Could it be someone who knows about the Toothpaste_Disaster and (more importantly) our own wolf in the fold? Or is it a trap set by the League to lure us in?