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As we know, this was one of the earliest bacterial products to come out of COLgate_BioTech - and a distant genetic cousin to yeast, Algae, and a few of Alpha's more expendable citizens. An IceeQwik (IQ) colony in chemical stasis was sealed into the upper lid of every can of B4, and was intended to be used as an automatic cooling system upon opening. When it came into contact with B4, it would rupture the nucleic membrane of the beverage, reducing intracellular tension, activity, and morale. Also, a biothermic pulse would draw colder elements from the nearby environment into the beverage.

This had the dual effect of cooling the drink, and heating the area surrounding the drink. The convection currents generated by that process assisted thirsty clones with propulsion of the liquid into their parched throats. This worked well, and brought much honor to the entire COL sector. The problem was with the amount you could use safely for cooling, versus the amount that would be enough to reach negative critical mass during the reaction; it had a very narrow margin of safety. Unfortunately, several thousand cases of B4 prototype were manufactured with this excessive amount of IQ. When these cans were opened, as part of the reaction they would form more IQ, which reacted again with the B4, which created even more IQ, and so on. The upshot is that any can of B4 containing too much IQ would cause anywhere between 3 cubic meters and 100 cubic kilometers of surrounding area to be frozen solid on an atomic level, and became extremely brittle. Typically this area would then crumble into a heap of sticky ultraviolet clearance powder residue, necessitating the termination of all clones inhaling or contacting the falling dust. This phenomenon contributed significantly to the final cancellation of the B4 project.

There is some evidence to support the theory that this powder residue was itself some kind of organism, as it has been observed to reproduce in the presence of metal. As this organism would clearly have been of UV clearance, observing clones had tended to try to study and/or communicate with it rather than simply terminate it. It seems to be able to form itself into the shape of metal objects it has eaten through, as well as occasionally imitate primitive forms of InfoGlyphs, but no communication attempts have been successful thusfar. It is said that a clone was once able to communicate with it, but when The Computer found out, he was locked up in the Room_Without_Doors, and, obviously, has not been heard from since. Why he was not simply terminated, The Computer only knows.

Refs: B4, COLgate_BioTech, Algae, Room_Without_Doors

--- Toothy-U-NIX-4


Typical. I go to all the trouble of creating a perfectly tasty new soft drink, then it all gets ruined by those maniacs from COL sector. I begged PLC not to allow COLgate_BioTech to piggyback IceeQwik on the B4 prototypes! I said "let them invent their own damn soda and turn THAT into a freezey-bomb/microbial life form". PLC didn't listen. However, thanks to your excellent investigative work, I now know that the B4 project was only cancelled because of the IQ incidents you mention. Knowing this, I am going to take another shot at getting B4 released to the public! With any luck, we will all be able to celebrate the completion of this report by knocking back a few cans of B4 - my treat!

-- Circ-U-LAT-23

If a new rollout of the B4 project will keep some of your fellow R&D maniacs distracted from their usual hobby of finding some new way to blow up the Earth or drop Alpha Complex down an infinite hole, then it has my support. Not that R&D couldn't find a way to use B4 to blow up the earth, but at least it would be more entertaining than the usual antimatter bomb or fission-powered core drill. It would be a fizzy apocalypse!

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Not just fizzy, but smooth and refreshing! It would be the smoothest, most refreshing apocalypse EVER!

-- Circ-U-LAT-23

If a room has no doors, how can it be locked? Does it have windows instead?

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

If a room has no doors, friend Drake-U, it is always locked. And as for what it has or does not have instead, you'll have to find out for yourself if you want to know. No one has ever left the room with no doors.

-- Toothy-U-NIX-4

Toothy-U may be correct. Definition #3 of "locked" is "made fast, motionless, or inflexible, especially by the interlacing or interlocking of parts". A properly constructed wall could easily meet this definition.

And while a fizzy, smooth, and refreshing apocalypse might be preferable to other sorts, pursuant to the Indigo-clearance injunction mentioned in Incident_Terminology_Categorical_Hierarchy, for the next 9 yearcycles any Apocalypse would only be permissible if it had no constituent Disasters. (And if the proper paperwork were filed, of course, regardless of timeframe.)

-- Err-U-DYT-9

Stop blaming R&D every time something explodes. Initial research proved that B4 was unstable far before it made it to the can. Only tireless effort made it into something as smooth and refreshing as it turned out to be. And this time I'm not crediting my sector for doing it. I wanted nothing to do with it.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

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2013-06-13 13:58