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Well well well. So dis is d'big bad "Commission on d'Toothpaste_Disaster" I heard so much about. No wonder "Five" hated youse guys.

In case y'ain't figgered it out, I'm "Seven". "Six" had me decanted along wit' "Eight" through "Twelve". Had 'em dump us on d'floor, pointed at a hallway 'n said "Get movin'". Dose other five mighta been dumb enough t'do what he said, but Friend Computer didn't make no dummy outta me. I took off down a different corridor, got d'hell outta d'Sector, 'n eventually bumped into some fellas who was happy t'help me out, y'know? Businessmen, like. It's been an educatin' couple'a weeks, f'sure. An' now, apparently, it's my turn t'step up t'da ULTRAVIOLET plate and carry on d'fine "Knok-OUT tradition", whatever dat means-- I guess dose other Clones is still dodgin' bullets down on d'Vulture range. Screw 'em, I says.

'Course, youse's prolly wonderin' what happened t'my illustrious predecessor. I was, too. Turns out he shouldn'ta poked his head outta dat villa he was hidin' in. No doubt all sortsa malicious, connivin', psychotic, back-stabbin', sneaky, murderous bastards 1 were in d'process'a zeroin' in on 'im once he started movin', all lookin' t'put him off d'end'a d'proverbial pier, y'know? But it turns out dat Drake-U-LAH-1 maniac got 'im first. Came right outta nowhere, I guess. Sucked all d'blood right outta his face. Ate his brain, too. Good thing "Six" had a brand new MindRoom backup f'me t'find. 'Course, half of it is youse guys just goin' back 'n forth about paperwork 'n dog knows what else. Youse guys got y'selves a serious case'a Zen_Deficit_Disorder, y'know dat?

But never let it be said I ain't a professional. I gots a job t'do now an' I'm gonna do it. I got some allies dat ain't on none'a youse's payrolls, learned a few things 'bout how business is being done dese days what PLC don't know 'bout, an' I got some fair ideas on where d'most serious threats is gonna come from. At dis point, mosta youse ain't on dat list no more. 2 So, here, have a bit on drones. I think some'a youse's gonna find dis interestin'.

Remote Surveillance Drones

Dese things come in all sortsa sizes an' shapes an' stuff, from smaller'n youse pinky-nail t'bigger'n a Transbot. Dere's also a wide range'a similar devices we won't be coverin'. Dis entry is specifically talkin' about devices along dese lines:

We use all sortsa drones in Alpha. By "we" I mean mean just about any level or sorta group in Alpha: Individual High Programmers, Service Firms, Friend Computer itself, and even Secret Societies make use'a dem. Typically used t'monitor underlings, spy on rival peers, an' t'scout out operations'a known or suspected hostile groups prior t'taking action against 'em. Obviously, alla dese functions came in t'play durin' d'events documented in dis report thingy. No doubt youse'll be wantin' some examples, like. Okay.

Anway, dat's about it f'drones. Be seein' youse.

-- Knok-U-OUT-7

Refs: Action_Squad_Alpha, COL_gate_incident, CyberHack_Programming_Helmet, Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX, Easter_Bunny_Device, Flossbot_Mk_II, Jamming_Equipment, MindRoom, Syntelligent_Systems, ToothpasteRebellion, XOR-I/Ent_X-Press, Zen_Deficit_Disorder


Knok-U, I'd double-check your data, friend. I was still RED clearance when the Col-Gate incident occurred. It wasn't until just after the disaster that The Computer took notice of my loyalty and chose to promote me to ULTRAVIOLET. As a RED, there was obviously no way I could have much property of any sort... much less property in such a swank area as COL sector was before it got turned to goo. And as for being able to issue an "Order" from my "Office"... well... My office was a 3'x2' cube, and I was a file clerk, so the only orders I was issuing were for paperclips and Teela-O minibandages to put over the paper cuts.

-- Mesh-U

Y'know, if'n youse's tryin' t'reduce suspicion bein' placed on youself, fallin' back on youse's RED-t'-ULTRAVIOLET promotion ain't necessarily d'smartest strategy. Other guys, they might say youse got lucky on a software glitch, but some'a us know how dat glitch was made t'happen in d'first place. Also turns out d'evidence might have a certain tendency t'show up in other people's mailboxes, 'nless, y'know, d'price was right.

-- Knok-U

Oh, yes, please, Knok-U, I'm eager to have you bring up any possible thoughts you may have that my promotion was anything other than the well considered and wise choice of our friend, The Computer. Really. Let's hear it. Right here. Now. Now!

-- Mesh-U

Aw, man, y'killin' me here. I can't tell if'n this's just a really bad bluff, or youse actually don't know d'truth 'bout how y'got promoted. If'n it's d'latter, I hope I'm still around when youse find out who it is dat's holdin' dat particular favor over y'head.

-- Knok-U

So, what you're saying is, you've got nothing. How funny is that!

-- Mesh-U

Naw, what I'm sayin' is, no more freebies f'today. Dis one's gonna cost.

-- Knok-U

Is that the best cover you can come up with? First you want me to pay you NOT to tell people something, and now you want me to pay you TO tell people something? Make up your mind, you ninny. Maybe you SHOULD have gone off to the Vulture ranges with the rest of your batch... might have put some spine in you.

-- Mesh-U

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2013-06-13 14:00