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Emergency Disaster Response Teams

When a major problem occurs in the Alpha Complex; when some environmental/mechanical/metaphysical mishap threatens an entire sector, you can count on an Emergency Disaster Response Team to be the first ones on the scene, and the last ones to leave. In fact, EDR Teams frequently manage to arrive on the scene moments before the disaster actually takes place. They are THAT good.

Unlike ordinary Troubleshooters, these teams are carefully selected and receive considerable training at the EDR Academy in SOS sector. Each team consists of seven specialized officers:

Fire Suppression Officer (FSO):

Fires are the single most common source of Emergency Disasters in the Alpha Complex, especially in sectors with industrial or chemical production facilities. That's why every EDR Team is assigned one Fire Suppression Officer, equipped with a tank of KoolFoam (a chemical compound three times colder than liquid nitrogen, and a hell of a lot stickier). Flames don't stand a chance against these guys - nor does exposed Commie Mutant Traitor flesh!

Flame Sanitation Officer (FSO):

If an area has been contaminated by anything of a biological nature, the best way to neutralize it is by exposing it to searing heat. Flame Sanitation Officers are trained to burn first, burn second, have a light lunch, burn a bit more - THEN ask questions later. All FSOs are issued an XTREEM-BURN_Heavy_Flamethrower to carry out their mission. Some might wonder if having a fire-stopper and a fire-starter - both called FSO - on the same team might not cause a bit of confusion in critical situations. Rest assured, the Commanding Officer clearly differentiates between the two FSOs on comm channels by pronouncing them with very different vocal inflections.

Medical Officer/Plas-welder (MOP):

He's a doctor AND a welder! He carries a scalpel AND a Plasma-Torch! EDR Teams were originally assigned one medical officer and one Welding/Cutting Technician, but this was deemed inefficient. After all, there is a great deal of crossover between the two occupations! These days, one Officer performs both functions admirably... as long as he keeps his equipment straight.

Stress Reduction Officer (SRO):

Emergency Disasters can be awfully stressful... and no one understands this better than a Stress Reduction Officer. This helpful EDR Team member provides on the spot Anger_Management counseling to disaster victims, sings soothing songs, and passes out helpful pamphlets such as "So You've Been Covered In Acid" and "Uh... Why am I Glowing?" Should these activities fail to sufficiently reduce the stress level, the SRO has been equipped with QuieTime_Sedative_Gas_Canisters - a proven stress reliever!

Peace Officer (PO):

Some treasonous citizens use Emergency Disasters as an opportunity for looting, rioting, and "fleeing from danger". It is the Peace Officer's job to see that citizens act in an organized and lawful manner - OR ELSE. The PO is equipped with a wide variety of crowd control technology, including the MEGA-Megaphone, and the traditional Boomstick.

Ingress/Egress Officer (IEO):

IEO: pronounced "Yo". As in "IEO, GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" The Ingress/Egress Officer pilots the EDR FlyBot, inserting the team into trouble spots and extracting them when their work is complete - and not a moment sooner. While the mission is in progress, the IEO airdrops equipment and performs aerial reconnaissance through the use of a specially mounted Multicorder. The footage is later used for high-level analysis, additionally serving as stock footage for various exciting Documentaries.

Commanding Officer (CO):

The Commanding Officer of an EDR Team is trained to remain cool and collected, even under the most chaotic of circumstances. Observers have found these fearless leaders to be so calm - so eerily serene - that some have wondered if they aren't heavily medicated prior to every mission. And in fact, they are! COs are prescribed a wide array of mood enhancers, stimulants, and a few other drugs that haven't even been classified yet. These carefully regulated medications keep COs sharp on long missions, and allow them to make split second decisions decisively, and without a second thought.

Remember: No matter how bad things seem, an Emergency Disaster Response Team is always just a Flybot away! Of course, even the best EDR Teams in the Complex proved ineffectual when the Toothpaste_Disaster went down.

-- Circ-U-LAT-23

Refs: Anger_Management, Boomstick, QuieTime_Sedative_Gas_Canisters, Toothpaste_Disaster, XTREEM-BURN_Heavy_Flamethrower


I have to admit, I'm a huge fan of those glossy Catastrophe Overview & Mistake Identification & Comparison (COMIC) books that feature some of Alpha's best and brightest EDR Teams. The Z-Clones, the Scintillating 7, the D-Fenders... I just can't get enough of their operational summaries. It's a shame the recent attempts to adapt them to the Big Vid have been so problematic; HPD&MC really ought to close Jolsh-U-MKR's clone line out for killing that project so badly.

-- Knok-U-OUT-5

I like the program so much that I'm considering replacing all Troubleshooter teams in ARY sector with Emergency Disaster Response Teams on a trial basis. We anticipate a 37.4% reduction in disaster reports in the first weekcycle alone!

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

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2013-06-13 13:53