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From a training video entitled, "Happiness & You":

"Did you know that stress is reponsible for 95.97% of all accidents in Alpha Complex? It's true! And worst of all, stress can impair your ability to serve Friend Computer and your fellow clones. Daycycle to daycycle, even the most loyal, industrious and efficient of Alpha Complex's citizens is going to need help in maintaining appropriate Happinesss Levels. That's where you come in, Friend Citizen! As Happiness Officer of your Troubleshooter team, it's your responsibility to keep up the team's spirits, offer helpful advice and lead your fellow Troubleshooters in Daily Affirmations and Periods of Positive Thinking. Your PenBot is just one tool in your arsenal against unhappiness and stress. Simply fill out any Emergency Mood Elevator Requisition form and sign your name to authorize instant administration of SmileTime_Mood_Enhancement_Serum_(with_Tartar_Control) via the PenBot's pop-up subcutaneous applicator. 'So easy to use, it should be treasonous!'"

-- Brush-U-TTH-32

Refs: PenBot, SmileTime_Mood_Enhancement_Serum_(with_Tartar_Control)

Bah! Everyclone in PLC knows that happiness doesn't come from this SmileTime_Mood_Enhancement_Serum_(with_Tartar_Control) nonsense. It comes from filling out PLC forms. In triplicate. That's why everyclone in PLC under my management is so happy! They're positively drowning in forms. Ever since I decided that they must fill out a Form Completion Form even for Form Completion Forms, they have stopped needing to wait for more paperwork.

This is why I am positively the best ULTRAVIOLET PLC sector manager ever! Every form makes PLC happier, and we have more forms than anyone else, making us the happiest clones ever!

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

I've filed a TR33/U4 Mandatory Narcosis Form for Omega-U. I trust that a few hundred cc's of Visomorpain will settle him down a bit.

-- Jan-U

Wouldn't a Louisville Slugger to his head be cheaper?

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Are you kidding? Old Reckoning sports equipment doesn't come cheap.

-- Jan-U

Jan-U: I took a look, and your TR33/U4 submission has been accepted and will shortly be dispatched to an appropriate resolution center, most likely Troubleshooting Central. However, you should be aware that for ULTRAVIOLET clearance citizens, "Mandatory" is defined to mean "Optional" (Publication UV-54, line 973). I suggest you file a 9S-RRQ: Yes, I Really Really Mean It Enforcement Authorization Voucher for better odds of success.

-- Err-U-DYT

I would recommend a nice pipe instead, but this IS an Ultraviolet we're talking about. Gotta have some class.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1


2013-06-13 13:52