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XTREEM-BURN Heavy Flamethrower

"Ah, the sweet, sweet smell of combustible fluids in the daycycle." Kill-G-ORE-2

The XTREEM-BURN Heavy Flamethrower started its life off in the most unlikely of places. Deep within the steaming bowels of Alpha Complex, the tireless clone workers at Amalgamated Sanitation Systems were busy prototyping a caustic solvent used in the treatment of particularly tough stains. In the midst of pre-release testing of the agent, a scrubot was outfitted with a cleverly-engineered "dynamic reverse throughput interface" (translation: they put the vacuum hose on the wrong end) and much fun was had by the workers as the bot whirled and zoomed, spraying various bits of waste material every which way. IntSec video surveillance records show the repentant clones' subsequent efforts to a) clean up the surrounding area, b) repair the now hopelessly-clogged up vacuum system of the scrubot and c) do something about the pre-release of the cleansing agent which was now (thanks to their shenanigans) way behind schedule.

A quick vote was made by the enterprising group of clones and one unfortunate fellow was allowed to "go at it" with the cleansing agent and the gummed-up bot. The resulting fiasco (labelled "Maintainance SNAFU #1300/b" in the datalogs) was a textbook example of a situation going from bad to worse. The malfunctioning bot sprayed the cleansing agent haphazardly over the test access corridor, itself and the unfortunate fellow. Amidst the screams and the greenish fumes, the video clearly shows the scrubot overheating (whether from the agent, the previous malfunction or a combination of both), the cleansing agent proved to be quite flammable and the berserk scrubot did, in fact, manage to clear the corridor of any and all debris, stains and biological witnesses of the event with a green-orange shower of fiery destruction.

The workers were posthumously awarded such laudations as "inventive," "proactive" and a few "that's thinking out of the box, good on ya's." Their clone replacements were sternly warned not to speak of this incident and the cleansing agent was pulled from A.S.S. R&D and shipped to Armed Forces proving grounds for immediate testing in the always-growing "Horrible, Burning Weapons Division."

XTREEM-KLEEN Sanitation Gel was reformulated for military use as XTREEM-BURN Heavy Flamethrower Gel and our boys have been hosing Mutants, Communists and other treasonous ne'er-do-wells for a good deca-yearcycle. The smooth, sexy pistol-grip with rubberized STAY-GRIP traction pads, the comfy yet fashionable gel-dispenser backpack and the trio of shiny dispersal tubes make this weapon a thing of lasting beauty and utility. And yes, it still cleans corridors of stubborn stains and incriminating evidence.

-- Brush-U-TTH-33

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2013-06-13 14:00