ZipPaq

Ah, now here's where I'm proud of BAD Sector R&D. We kept noticing how many Troubleshooter Teams weren't filling out the proper paperwork through no fault of their own. Sometimes there was difficulty in delivery, or CMT's, or the forms were sent to the wrong location.

So here at BAD R&D, we said, this is unacceptable. We must Do Something. We have to help.

We took our inspiration from the Computer's files themselves. We noticed that most files were capable of being compressed to save in transmission time and physical space.

Then we said, "Physical Space is really the problem with sending such high volumes of materials. If we could compress them, we could send every single form a Troubleshooter team needs in a matter of minutes!"

Working out the math, we found that by forcing a single atom to collapse in on itself, we could create a miniature black hole. Good thing that project was outsourced. Heh.

After devising a containment field, as well as a way to collapse the hole, thus negating it, we had it.

ZipPaq.

After containing the black hole, and attaching the negator, we simply dropped it into a specially devised storeage facility containing every single form ever printed. It was, in fact, FRM sector, completely redesigned for this purpose.

So we tested it. FRM sector stood standing. Every form, back in proper place. After many rounds of drinks, and a few Computer loyalty songs, we stood ready for mass (pun intended) production.

The construction of each ZipPaq is simple. An (Appropriate Clearance) box with an (Appropriate Clearance) button.

Usually, being designed for Troubleshooters, they are a 5 inch square Infrared Clearance box (so that Infrared Citizens can carry them) with a Red Clearance button for the Team to press. We of course have manufactured higher clearance boxes, UV with a white button, and so on.

Sadly, it seems that some of the boxes have, as we call it around the lab, fluxed. The following sectors are awaiting pickup as I make what appears to be the final entry of the report.

What I mean to say is that the Sectors in question have been "reassigned" as ZipPaq's themselves, and are awaiting to be, er, UnZipPaq'd.

We apologize for the organic inconvience. However, all clones in the sectors are a complete loss. Seems that organics and most complicated electronics cannot survive the Compression Process.

And so...

{{{List of Sectors Affected by ZipPaq "Flux":

TTH, ROK, LTR, TRK, LAT, MOR, FER, DON, LAH, FAR, WTZ, RUK, OUS, HLK, DYT, ARY, RON, MAD, DED, OUT, CRY, GNA, MAN, ROM, LEG, COL, RIT, NIX, GOT, HAM, SPM, WHM, BAM, THK, YOU, and MAM Sectors.}}}

I have it on the best authority that as soon as these sectors can be extracted from the ZipPaq, all of the clones involved will be reinstated.

On the negative side, their Memomax records will be lost. This, however, is projected to only cause a 2.458% loss of function.

What a tragedy, as all the accumulated information about the Toothpaste Disaster seems to be now centrally located in BAD Sector. I will, of course, leave every entry as they stood, and maintain ZipPaq's obvious success.

Any survivors of the above sectors should report immediately to The Computer. No, not to me. I have no desire to continue this discussion further, and hope that the next Daycycle finds you well. This record stands in case of another Disaster, which I'm sure all involved would have wished to avoid a repeat of.

Final entry -- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Commentary:

I get wheeled off to meet with the Internal Security committee for one daycycle, and you turn my entire sector into a black hole?

YOU IDIOT!

Fortunately, I have backups of the Toothpaste Disaster report; I seriously doubt that anything you worked on could be uncompromised. For example, it's pretty clear that your commendation record has been seriously compromised by this incident. I'm quite sure that we'll be seeing Screwz-U-BAD-4 any daycycle now... or maybe not, if Friend Computer decides to purge your clone line, which is looking more and more likely.

Idiot.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

While I concur with your assessment of Screwz-U's mental abilities, there is little cause for alarm. Or rather, there is cause for alarm, but your home sector has not been obliterated.

ZipPaq was based off of Computer algorithms, and - like them - does not destroy the original data, merely makes a copy. The black hole acts as an inverse quantum resonation field, or some such thing, and takes an impression of the lowest-level state of the localized vicinity. Upon "expansion", it converts energy into matter, replicating the pattern involved. Needless to say, the amount of energy required to create a Sector's worth of matter is immense - that's what's preventing the sectors from being unZipPaq'd. FRM Sector was a specially designated sector, about the size of a smallish warehouse, and it strained three BrightHappyComplex-class reactors to their maximum output to recreate.

This shouldn't come as too much of a surprise; Friend Computer may give R&D a certain amount of free reign, but It isn't going to allow them to go around obliterating dozens of sectors. Though I can't guarantee that someone didn't try to do that - they simply may not have known how the ZipPaq worked.

Even if the sectors had been destroyed, though, I assume that every member of this commission has backups of the data - and it's not like our MemoMaxes are stored in our home sectors, anyhow.

--Err-U-DYT-9

Hmm, you're right. I panicked after all efforts to contact ARY sector failed; it seems that all power and comm channels are down at this time.

I also note that Screwz-U's description of the ZipPaq process is sketchy at best. He writes nothing about the partitioning system, the containment units, the transbot convoy algorithms or the one-time decryption pads. Did he really design the ZipPaq, or is he simply stealing credit (or, in this case, blame) for someone else's work?

-- Jan-U

It's nice to know there were some survivors. And none of the Sectors were destroyed; I never meant to imply that. I have a special shelf just for them, when the power reserves are up. And actually, 98% of the Memomax's were stored locally. Besides, the details were off sector when the whole disaster occured, so now, they are Zipp'd inside one or more of the affected sectors.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Ummm... High Programmer Screwz... Ummm... Nice jumpsuit, sir. White suits you very well, you know. And... ummm... what wonderful things BAD sector R&D has been up to. Really quite astonishing. Anyway... ummmm... The Computer asked me to drop this off for you. Not sure why he chose me as his messenger, really... but... ummm... well... it's something about illegally making back-ups of copy-righted sectors, sir... Ummm... here you go... it says to report to OWW sector for a conference. Ummm... So... you're not going to kill me? That's very kind of you sir... I hope that conference goes ok. I really do, sir.

Thank you sir...

• -- Mesh-R-GNA-8

Mesh-R-GNA-8, you have opened a sealed package intended for a High Programmer. You have read information so above your current security clearance, and you are going to lose two clones just to abate the treason.

On a better note, since I am not claiming those sectors for myself, but for the Computer, I am not the one making backups. Particularly since they aren't backups, they are the origional sectors.

And it seems that OWW sector has had a similar problem to the sectors described above.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Kill him! Papercut his jugular! Run for it!

By the way, my offer still stands, should you wish to take it. I'll even toss in an Execution Pardon, since Screwz-U-BAD is obviously a Commie mutant traitor attempting to use AC's technology against itself. It'll only be a matter of time before he tries to ZipPaq the whole complex. You must stop him now.

--Drake-U-LAH-4

I'm not the one running the questionable experiments that are interfering with Computer-approved processes. If you check the logs, I haven't sent but 3 ZipPaq's myself, and all of those arrived at their destinations without any problems. You're just in need of a tune-up. Maybe have your template refreshed? I'm not offering to do it myself, for obvious reasons, but maybe you need to look into it. Friend Computer seems to think it's a good idea.

Plus, the Red Citizen admitted knowledge of the Clearance Ultraviolet materials within the sealed package. I didn't make him say anything. I was considering commending the second terminated clone anyway so he wouldn't lose a third.

"False accusations of treason are themselves treason." - The Computer

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

He didn't say he read it. He just said what it was about. That information could've come from anywhere; an overtalkative Briefing Officer, perhaps, or Friend Computer itself. Your instant accusation of him having read that information and ordering not one, but two executions for him, makes me wonder what you've got against him. You're just taking advantage of his demoted clearance, you SOB.

--Drake-U-LAH-4

Mainly it has to do with the envelope being opened before I touched it.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Do you think he would be that stupid?

--Drake-U-LAH-4

You're asking the clone holding the open envelope. I even have video evidence. As well as the above confession. The information is still above his current Security Clearance.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Ummm... Though I hate to contradict a High Programmer, Mr. Screwz, Sir... I am operating under a brevet promotion to Ultraviolet currently, under My Friend, The Computers supervision, so the security clearance issue may not be as bad as you believe. Also, I didn't open your envelope, I relayed a message to you from Your Friend, The Computer. Not that I would have needed to, since the whole issue was opened up pretty wide on last nights "Name That Treason".

-- Mesh-R(U)-GNA-8

Well then. That's all right. Errors are treason after all. The paperwork revoking the prior termination has already been filed.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Referenced by:

LexiconYZ