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Viral Thought Patterns

All righty. This may help shed some light on things. Maybe not a lot, but some. The Computer always says "Treason breeds best in the dark." I've been going back through this whole report, and various and sundry things keep sticking in my mind. Almost like Memes, which is where the research on Viral Thought Patterns began. So I ran a basic meme filter. 2 hits.

Open Up to Date Toothpaste Report
Run Meme-Catcher/filter_UV Prog 23.5 ...

Two hits found...

"ACRA traitors working at PLC"
"Hailed by PLC staffers as the greatest thing since Hot Fun"

Okay. It was time to worry. But just a little. So I ran a stricter filter.

Open Up to Date Toothpaste Report
Run Meme-Catcher/filter_FullOn Prog 23.5 ...

23 hits found...

Encrypted transmission found...


In file... "Kore Kommudants Kommittee" video surveillance file record .... 
(Dated approx 4 hourcycles before the Disaster occured)

Jan-U, you might be interested to know just what someone is doing with your body mock-up. Or maybe an unauthorized clone of you, or maybe just a genetic double.

{{{ Vidfile Open...

(((Cut to scene of Jan-U-ARY's body. Shows ME of Jan-U-ARY-31. Body is speaking in hushed tones. Hands over box of open liscense credits to figure just out of cam sight. Recieves Porta-Kriegs List ZipPaq. Selects several items...

Camera out of focus.

Jan-U speaks to figure. Jan-U points to alcove, where another Jan-U (no clone number) is smiling and nude.

|CENSORED FOR DIGRESSION|(and some of us are trying to eat!) }}}

Now this was shocking enough, but don't open those Downloads from Secret_Societies_Involved_In_the_Toothpaste_Disaster! Whatever you do!

I crashed 10 programs before noticing how my access was being forced through more and more Access Point Grids. Those downloads have been infected with actual Viral Thought Patterns. I analyzed my signal from the monitor and watched a drooling INFRARED become psychotic within minutes. After running every filter on the signal I could to dampen out the line noise, standard subliminals, substandard liminals, and every standard approved message, there was still something there.

After all this, that lone signal bothered me.

So I isolated it. Analyzed it. Turned it inside out. Made if fuscha.

Then I found a match for it. Inside my head. Turns out, it was a biofeedback signal, transmitting information faster than I could register it.

So I have quietly been scanning the rest of you. Same signal. No return carrier.

I have included the details in a ZipPaq, because it seems that the signal can't be compressed further than it is. ZipPaq, then UnZipPaq, and the signal is gone.

I am already writing counter-code for compression-uncompression routines, and will need...

Error! Carrier Lost!

Can only send Header! Data lines compromised! Screwz-U-BAD-3 Sign out!

What are you talking about? I don't have a "body mock-up." And given my current telomeric issues, there's no possibility of an unauthorized clone.


Okay, I've looked at the video. That's not me. I've never looked anything like that. Why would you think...


Oh, poopy.


From: Friend Computer
Re: Records Tampering / Identity Theft

Hello, citizens!  It has come to my attention that someone has been messing around with
personnel records in the IntSec central database.  It seems that Halle-B-RTN-4 has
"borrowed" Jan-U-ARY-31's identity.  Rest assured that this is an isolated incident.
You can bet your booties that this will never happen again!

You aren't cleared for any further information on this subject.  Have a great daycycle!


Well, that's that. I will now go on record to say that I'm officially sick of this entire Incident. I'm not a bloodthirsty clone, but at this point, I'd love to have Halle-B handy to see how many papercuts a clone can take before dying.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

(Now transmitting from a more secure location...) I'll even loan you a Papercut chansaw on a controllable arm for you.

-- Screwz-U-BAD

Referenced by:


2013-06-13 14:00