Xavier Central
This is Omega-U-MAN-5, I'm sorry this report has taken so long it's just that ...
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He's trying to kill me! Omega-U-MAN-5 is now trying to kill me and we're fighting for control of our terminals. He's clearly gone psychotic, perhaps he had a bad reaction to Xynonull or something. In any event, he's the one who ...
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... was trying to tamper with a Reverse Placebo Placement 2873A-K form to blame me for the "Kelp Flavoring" in the Yahallbesmilin incident. Thankfully, I stopped that ...
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... was a close one. I only just managed to stop him after he made 4 sector's worth of tainted Yahallbesmilin. I don't know how Drake-U could think that I had time to fill out paperwork when ...
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They've removed almost everything from Xavier_Central now. The mutant clone army has left, all I found were a few of my fellow ULTRAVIOLETS who seemed to think that it had always been some kind of vacation spot. It did look like one, but I found evidence of their activities and some information on their plans. I'm certain that ...
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I now intend to exercise Party_Omega version 5, the revision I wrote myself for just such an occasion. It is clear that Omega #5 has been up to all manner of evil things, including Unspeakable_Treason, and that he actually has some kind of "clone army" at his disposal which he has hidden in the LAH sector, after convincing Drake-U-LAH-4 to take a little "vacation" ...
I suggest that all ULTRAVIOLETs evacuate for the Outside immediately. As Omega-U-MAN-5 (who isn't a real Omega-U, if you hadn't yet figured this out, he has the ID C/ARD) is currently inside the complex, he should find escape impossible as I am registered to be Outside at the moment, and Friend Computer won't let the same ULTRAVIOLET out of the complex twice. Moreover, no one of less than ULTRAVIOLET can get out of the complex at all, since under the new procedures ...
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He has sealed off all exits from the complex, he intends to use the Xenoseptic_Fountains to pump in Acidophizz among other things to purge the entire complex of ALL clone life and even bots, and then to restart the clone lines after he has made whatever plans he has to "adjust" the complex to his liking while there's no clone or bot around to stop him, and even Friend Computer is put into "sleep" mode for a while. Also, don't believe him when he says that you can get out, you will find that you're all already registered as being "Outside" whether you were or not. You can't even use a registered teleporter to get out, as there are new and unregistered Mutant_Traps. In fact ...
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I hope that you all have a nice daycycle. Hopefully, this whole incident will be behind us soon, and we can look forward to a freshly cleansed complex full of happy, non-treasonous clones from the surviving clone families. I sincerely hope you all come out here and vacation with me at Xavier Complex while we wait for the unpleasantness to end. In the event that you somehow fail to make it Outside, fear not--I will be sure to restart your clone lines for you, after filling out the proper paperwork. Speaking of which, before I sign off, I'd like to remind you that to make sure you can get Outside, you should make sure to ...
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Take cover. That's really the only advice I can give any of you looking to survive. Thankfully, I've taken a few precautions that as a non-Omega-U, he will never know about, so I'll make it through this no matter what. And ugh, this Party_Omega is driving me nuts, it has only 5 forms required to start it; it's nothing like the formerly proud version one of the process I was so glad to be on the naming comittee for, way back when.
Oh, if you hadn't figured out their plans for the army yet, they apparently mean to replace any number of loyal citizens' clone lines with those of their treasonous army. I have the evidence to prove it right now, and I'm putting it in a special container that I hope will survive the purges of Party_Omega. Get out now if you can, or hide anywhere you can find. Thankfully, I processed a few of the repair orders for the fountains, so I have my hiding place staked out, but it's only enough for one clone. Go find your own.
-- Omega-U-MAN-5
Comments:
For High Programmers wondering what they ought to do, I will note several things:
The Xenoseptic_Fountain is in no shape to pump anything into more than perhaps a few subsectors on the periphery of the Complex, and a refurbished barracks or two. Its component pipelines were all broken up into isolated systems long ago.
There is no source of Acidophizz - or any other solvent - sufficient to cleanse the entire Complex.
Friend Computer projects that even if the flow of all rivers within a hundred-kilometer radius were diverted towards Alpha Complex, that only 38% of the Complex would be rendered useless before drainage equalized with incoming rates of flow.
Laying #2 and #3 aside for the moment, any source of liquid - let alone solvent - sufficient to wipe out all clone life in Alpha Complex would leave the Complex in an unusable state.
- Anyone insane enough to have neglected to think of #4 has likely also neglected other key elements in whatever passes for their plan - such as, say, "reality".
Having a "revision one wrote onesself" of Party_Omega is pointless. Party_Omega works because it's a set of procedures that is standardized for all clones in the Complex.
The most recent version of Party_Omega is 992.15.263 Epsilon (revised). Not version one, or two, or three, or four, or even five.
Unless Omega-U is as old as Jan-U, he was most assuredly not involved in the original naming of Party_Omega.
- As has been mentioned elsewhere, a clone army small enough to hide - even in an entire abandoned sector - is not capable of taking over Alpha Complex, let alone occupying it.
...I could go on, but there's little point. I've gotten in touch with some of the other CPU High Programmers, and we've made sure that Party_Omega will not be enacted by either of those citizens claiming to be Omega-U-MAN - even if he does manage to find the right forms, fill them out correctly, and get them to the right people, none of which has thus far happened. While the last mistaken activation of Party_Omega revealed useful insight into areas that need improvement, right now we need citizens alert, vigilant, and doing their jobs - and besides, Friend Computer has repeatedly stated that trial runs are not permitted.
-- Err-U-DYT-9
Don't blame me when you're dissolved by various chemicals. This revision was totally automated; prepare for floods of who-knows-what-all which is guaranteed to be lethal one way or another...
-- Omega-U-MAN-5
At this point, you have already terminated Omega-U-MAN-1337. While I readily acknowledge that he may have planned all sorts of things, he seems to have suffered the consequences of Point #5 above, as none of them seem to have come to anything remotely like fruition. (I cite as evidence the fact that I have not been dissolved, the Complex has not been flushed clean with Acidophizz, Friend Computer is still perfectly fine, we have not been subjugated by an army of clones, and most citizens in the Complex don't know that anyone even tried to activate Party_Omega.)
I do commend you for your diligence in working to thwart his plans; it is possible that, if unobserved, he might have managed to do notable harm. But half of his plans were sheer lunacy, and the other half could not hope to have succeeded while anyone was paying attention to what he was doing.
-- Err-U
I managed to make it Outside just fine, for my extended vacation. My Final Report will be arriving via Comm IV soon. After this mess, we all need some R&R.
I heard the Great Damn is lovely this time of yearcycle.
--Drake-U-LAH-4
ADDENDUM BY JAN-U-ARY-31
Xavier Central is the code name for a highly secure Psion strongpoint in Outdoors sector. It has no discrete long-term physical location, as it moves regularly to avoid Armed Forces patrols. The name comes from the Psion group's leader, one Xav-I-ERR-10, whose potent psionic mutations have allowed his little group to survive despite the best efforts of our troops.
R&D is currently developing a new sequence of bots to combat the Psion threat. These SentinelBots can home in on telepathic emanations, and unlike our clone troops, they are totally immune to psionic mind control. In addition, R&D claims that their logic circuitry is at least partially resistant to Machine Empathy! This shielding requires at least 100 meters of distance from the Machine Empath to function properly, meaning that the SentinelBots will only be usable in Outdoors Sector. But that's one sector where mutants will no longer be able to hide.
Beware, Xav-I-ERR. The SentinelBots are coming for you, and there's nothing you can do about it! Ha ha ha!
-- Jan-U-ARY-31