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Holistic Medicine

From the Gatzmann_Archives: A type of therapy to deal with physical, emotional, or mental complaints where dealing with the entire person rather than specific symptoms is stressed.

Unlike many of the entries in the Archives, testing bears out this definition, as teams have reported a 64% chance of a complete cessation of any complaints by causing a hole through the entire clone. While the remaining 36% exhibit increased complaints of physical symptoms, a second application of holistic medicine leads to an amazing 99.8% cessation rate. This is well within the margin of statistical error for a complete success.

More recently, the term "Holistic Medicine" has also been come to apply to any of the various pharmaceutical substances developed in conjunction with Project_Infinite_Hole. This in itself would be unremarkable to this committee except for the number of these substances that have already been referenced.

Refs: Acidophizz, Beta-Toxsystene, Diphenhydromegatoxine, Gatzmann_Archives, Omega-Hybrizine, Project_Infinite_Hole, Whitener_Compounds

-- Watt-U-GOT-9

This Gatzmann_Archives stuff just blows me away. Why would you work on an entire person when only part of them is broken? Crazy!

On a side note, I could probably use me some "holistic medicine" right about now, if you know what I mean. Anyone holdin'? I'm hella stressed at the moment.

-- Knok-U-OUT-6

Is this why you were so eager to decant Knok-U-OUT-7?

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Alright. This is a joke. You are obviously trying my patience, claiming references that aren't in your report. You should just report for termination now.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

I concur with my esteemed fellow High Programmer, in this regard. There seem to be a whole lot of references off a submitted report with very little substance and minimal relevance to the matter at hand. You seem to be filling a gap with an insignificant submission on creating gaps in our Citizens...

-- Costin-U-MOR-8

I'm sorry gentleman, I was operating under the assumption that you had the brain-power available to you, at least through your subordinates, to realize that the chemicals listed are obviously those that originate from Project_Infinite_Hole. Unlike some on this panel, I don't like to pad my reports with unneccessary verbiage and thus waste Friend Computer's precious resources. However, if you feel it is absolutely mandatory to add a "And these are the names of those chemicals:" sentence to soothe your troubled minds, I'll be most happy to do so.

Naturally the more perceptive on the panel have already noticed the number of things originating from Project Infinite Hole that were already slated to have reports filed on them. Coincidence?

However, keeping the capabilities of some of the members on this panel in mind, I will do my best to avoid any large words or expect minimal logical connective abilities in future. My thanks for your advice.

-- Watt-U


2013-06-13 13:58