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Glee Quotas

Everyone knows that treason is the pursuit of malcontents, bellyachers and cranks. Happy citizens don't commit acts of treason. Happy citizens are loyal citizens... and vice versa! This common sense knowledge was at the heart of IntSec's (now defunct) Glee Quotas program. The concept was pretty simple: Every sector would be equipped with special Joyometers that could quantify the overall level of happiness within that sector. Every monthcycle, IntSec would review the joyometer data to confirm that the established level of happiness - the Glee Quota - had been reached. Sectors that had exceeded their quotas were rewarded with special events: free concerts by Rand-Y-ROK_&_The_ROKbots, exciting advanced hygiene seminars by Al-B-GUD and Brush-U-TTH, public appearances by celebrities such as Chow-Y-FAT and the Iron_Chef. Sectors that had NOT reached their quotas, however, were rewarded with dramatically increased IntSec scrutiny. Figuring that sectors with unhappy citizens were likely breeding grounds for traitors, IntSec launched into interrogations, investigations and terminations with their usual gusto. This, in turn, made the local population very nervous, which translated to increased unhappiness, which caused further Glee Quota failures, which led to even more IntSec attention... and so on and so forth.

Of course, the Glee Quotas program didn't last long. Eventually, sector administrators found they could fool the Joyometers by sending teams of Troubleshooters on "Jubilation Runs", where groups of hapless INFRARED_Citizens would be rounded up and forced to sing and dance and jump around until they collapsed - all to create the outward appearance of Glee. GQ Program Directors at IntSec soon realized their system had been compromised, and were definitely not happy about the situation. In fact, they were so unhappy, they failed to reach their own departmental Glee Quota for the monthcycle. Needless to say, the program did not survive the internal investigations, demotions and terminations that followed.

-- Circ-U-LAT-23

Refs: INFRARED_Citizens, Iron_Chef, Joyometers, Rand-Y-ROK_&_The_ROKbots


You forgot to mention the numerous executions preceding Glee Quota checks. It seems that some citizens are only happy when they're promoted, and the best way to get promoted is to shoot potential Commie Mutant Traitors.

Not only did it drastically reduce the number of unhappy citizens, but it also increased the number of happy ones as well. If we truly want to be happy, we must have more executions. I therefore propose a Mandatory Execution Day, in which every citizen is required to execute a Commie Mutant Traitor.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

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2013-06-13 13:58