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One of the three unauthorized devices found attached to the main DYT sector Paste-'n-Spackle Pipeline has been identified as a modified 3/RON-37 Food Assembly Unit, retooled to produce a poor facsimile of Old Reckoning "Borchst" - an Old Reckoning flavor similar to Bouillon, only Communist. Interrogation of appropriate suspects - including How-R-YOU-2, an apparently-known triple-agent for the Commies - reveals the belief that introducing a historically communist flavor to the citizens of Alpha Complex would help them to gain new recruits.

The veracity of this belief cannot be accurately assessed, as aside from being reddish in color, the substance produced shares no known qualities in common with "Borscht". Psychoculinary profiling indicates that whomever created this device was almost certainly drawing upon material from the (highly misinformative) Gatzmann_Archives.

See Also: How-R-YOU-2, Gatzmann_Archives, Bouillon


Research Postscript: Unfortunately, 73% of clones ingesting the "Borscht" flavoring perished of chemical toxicity, failing to survive long enough to provide any meaningful data on the effects of gum-absorbed radioactive Diphenhydromegatoxine, more's the pity. Reprimands, fines, and/or terminations have been assigned for Failure to Support Ongoing Research, a class 14E treasonous act.

Procedural Postscript: All appropriate citizens involved in research & interrogation have been terminated. See auxillary report #99G/F200, FID#9928FI10UC4 and FID#22V32NQ3BOG.


It's worth noting that not only is borscht not on the list of Thirty-one_Official_Flavors, it isn't on the list of Approximately Two Hundred and Thirty-Seven Semi-Official Flavors Under Consideration.

Out of curiosity, what were the other two unauthorized devices? They aren't identified in the report.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Indeed. Being Communist, Borscht is prohibited from being on any list of even remotely approved flavors.

Analysis has not yet been completed on the other two devices; the interrogated subjects were unaware even of their presence, let alone their function, and as such provided no useful information on the topics.

As further data arrives, I expect the machines will be referenced with their own entries in this report. Should that not be the case, either due to treasonous delay on the part of the analysts, or irrelevance to the report as a whole, I will append a brief note to this entry once analysis is complete.


Device #2 has been identified as an experimental form of Jamming_Equipment - see that entry's comments for details.


Device #3 has been identified as the fiendish exercise machine of Bard-O-LFO the Mad. See Vermilion_Developments, LFO Sector sub-heading.



2013-06-13 13:52