[ParanoiaLexicon] [TitleIndex] [WordIndex

The Alpha Complex Rifle Association (ACRA) is a fringe group of the First Church of Christ Computer Programmers (FCCCP) that believe in protecting Alpha Complex from the threat of Communism through superior firepower. Not content with our official forces, they have taken to arming the ordinary citizens of Alpha Complex. They are believed to be responsible for 2,873 missing weapons from PLC and over 600 charges of Citizens Carrying Items Above Clearance, including an Infrared citizen carrying a TacNuke-armed Cone Rifle. (The COL_gate_incident that followed the botched attempt by IntSec to relieve him of his TacNuke was largely responsible for the delayed response to the Toothpaste_Disaster.

Intercepted transmissions from ACRA traitors working at PLC revealed that they were processing massive amounts of napalm at the Sector TNT Chapstick_Factory. Since ACRA members prefer to shoot people rather than burn them alive, it is obvious that they were making it for someone else. Personal interrogation by Yours Truly of the traitors revealed that they were planning to smuggle it to an interested Secret Society in exchange for Uranium-Depleted_Shells and a rejected R&D weapon known only as the Boomstick. Unfortunately, that was all they could reveal before dying of blood loss.

At least following the aftermath of the Toothpaste_Disaster, we know that most of the napalm never arrived at its intended destination.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Refs: Boomstick, Chapstick_Factory, COL_gate_incident, Toothpaste_Disaster, Uranium-Depleted_Shells

While I'm shocked that the PLCs of other sectors have allowed so many weapons to fall into unauthorized hands without so much as a here's-your-receipt, this ACRA organization sounds like just the sort of thing mid-level Armed Forces members would get up to in between pogroms. Idle hands are the DevilBot's work, you know. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we find that some substantial percentage of the PLC clerks involved in these unauthorized requisitions were transfers out of A.F. Why are we investigating toothpaste when we should be investigating military misconduct?

-- Knok-U-OUT

"DevilBot"? Oh, come on.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Knok-U, I find it distressing that you disparage the significance of a calamity of the scale of the Toothpaste_Disaster, especially in comparison to episodes of military misconduct, an occurance so frequent (192 reported incidents in OUT Sector in the last 3 monthcycles alone, according to the most recent figures) that it now has its own symbol on the "Good Morningcycle, Alpha Complex!" Sector Climate Charts. Moreso, I think it's clear that the two things are quite clearly linked.


Need I remind you that it was an excess of mere shoelaces that lead to the Moderately-Great Commie Pogroms? And the less said about the "introduction" of New and Improved Bouncy Bubble Beverage the better. Simply put, Friend Knok-U, history shows us that great problems stem from innocuous sources. Or is there a particular reason you do not want to further investigate the Toothpaste Disaster?


With respect to the role of shoelaces in the Moderately-Great Commie Pogroms, Dursch-U, it might be important to call attention to the three shoelaces apparently missing from Demolition_Order_#32A/74-43491. What happened to those three shoelaces? Is this another indication of Commie involvement in the Toothpaste_Disaster? Or is it just another instance of the sloppy form filing and resource mismanagement endemic among Troubleshooters today?

-- Jan-U


2013-06-13 13:52