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The worst kind of calamity stems from overzealous coincidence, it would seem. While IntSec continued investigation of the Waxy Disaster long after the final residues of the event had been cleansed from existence, enough was uncovered to show that the whole event was, in fact, just one huge web of mistakes and misguided enthusiasm.

It seems that the root of the disaster related to an overstock of left-handed cotton buds. Where this overstock occurred is uncertain due to destruction of evidence - but, PLC or Free Enterprise are the most likely culprits. Whatever the source, supply apparently required greater demand, as it would appear someone introduced increased levels of Isoacetitretin into the Cold Fun Vats across at least fourteen Sectors, possibly though undercover contacts in Tech Services (which may suggest a PLC plant or emphasize that this was a Secret Society based action).

Isoacetitretin is an artificial thickening agent, used in the preparation of Jell-O's Goo Treats, Wobbly Fun, and Olde Reckoning Traditional Sweet Algae Conserve. Normally the ratio of Isoacetitretin to other ingredients is incredibly tiny and leads to very few medical complaints, as a side-effect of the agent is increased cerumen production - commonly known as ear wax. However, where content ratio is greater than 0.0001:1 problems increase significantly.

Now, this wouldn't have been an issue given the previously mentioned increase introduced, however this was not the end of it.

The Trekkies, it would seem, were under the misapprehension that Alpha Complex was under attack by the Psyrens, buxom female super-mutants who curdled brain matter with their psychic control of sound. There are several reported scuffles between suspected Trekkies and Psion members during this period, as the former blamed the Psyren attack on the latter.

More Isoacetitretin got added to the Cold Fun, to save the brains of Citizens everywhere.

The Mystics apparently got wind of a Romantics plan to hijack the internal communications system to relay some kind of anarchic, ear-splitting Old Reckoning music they had uncovered from a trip into the Outdoors. The Mystics, however, had plans for a meditative gathering during the same weekcycle - so limiting the ear-splitting assault of the Romantics became a priority.

More Isoacetitretin got added to the Cold Fun, to allow a mellow moment of peace amidst the noise.

Computer Phreaks hacked bio-surveillance systems of multiple sectors to allow increased mood enhancers to filter through into the Gas Giant bubbling tanks to coincide with a Massive Multi-citizen Gaming Geekfest on the AlphaNet for the coming weekcycle.

Bio-monitored failed to detect any Isoacetitretin in the Cold Fun and triggered an additional dose as a result.

In the end, IntSec analysis identified a Isoacetitretin dosage ratio of 0.42736:1 in Cold Fun extracted from the vats of one sector following the disaster.

Ultimately, Citizen's across more than a dozen sectors consumed massively tainted supplies of Cold Fun for more than a weekcycle before the bio-filter fault was identified and corrected. The result was apparent after the first daycycle, when Citizens turned up for work assignments with gouts of ear wax expelling at random from their aural orifices. By the third daycycle, 99.2% of the Infrared work force across the effected Sectors were incapacitated and dribbling rank pools of ear wax on a constant basis. Barracks, canteens, corridors, conduits and accessways were rapidly become thick with the oily yellow-brown secretions, and numerous accidents were reported on transtubes disrupted supply services and Citizen transportation between sectors.

Before the bio-filter fault was finally discovered by Tech Services and HPD & MC work units, lower Clearance operations in all tainted sectors had ground to a standstill, and there were reports of emergency crews arriving at Infrared Barracks finding whole clone communities drowned in their own ear wax in their sleep (due to the necessity of locking sleeping quarters during the nightcycle for the personal safety of the Infrared citizens involved). Waxy deposits were backing up supply lines causing massive infrastructural damage that would ultimately take years to identify and repair.

Final body count records that more than 600,000 Citizens of all Clearances were lost to the Waxy Disaster, and in many cases whole clone families were lost due to the lack of information about the cause of the disaster. The cerumen overload was ultimately stemmed at the source with dietary supplements and new protocols were set in place to provide a backup bio-filter across all Tech Services vat facilities.

The beneficial upshot of the Disaster was to be found in improvements to emergency services, the development of QwikPaste_Spray_Bottles in administering solvent solutions to hardened wax deposits, and a revision of the Incident_Terminology_Categorical_Hierarchy to v1.65264. However, lessons were clearly not learned across the board, because exactly the same convolution of overzealous coincidence undoubtedly resulted in the events of the Toothpaste_Disaster.

-- Costin-U-MOR-8

Ref: Algae, Incident_Terminology_Categorical_Hierarchy, QwikPaste_Spray_Bottles, Toothpaste_Disaster


Do these "Psyrens" actually exist?

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

That would be highly illogical.

-- Costin-U-MOR-8

Dammit, Jan, I'm a High Programmer, not a theologist!



2013-06-13 14:00