[ParanoiaLexicon] [TitleIndex] [WordIndex

Laughing Fun

Laughing Fun, one of the strangest developments of BAD Sector R&D Labs. Coming out of what what appeared to be promising research into Molecular_Dissolution_Reactions, Omega-Hybrizine, and the last remaining Happy Fun Ball in the Complex, Laughing Fun is still yet to be determined a success or failure. Even the 45% chance of developing Gigglespeek was considered a minor flaw. The Citizens were happy, and noclone can complain about that. It began when one of my VIOLET_Supervisors was cleaning my Happy Fun Ball with Omega-Hybrizine. She assured me that there would be no side effects, as it was considered to be a safe disinfectant. The problem began when she found herself too occupied to deliver my HFB to me. She assigned a Troubleshooter team to do so, and, according to my research, several Citizens of LAH Sector somehow ended up on the team. All six of them, in fact. Purely coincedental, I'm sure. Drake-U, I will be awaiting a report. Suffice to say, the Troubleshooters bungled things. They were given a perfectly safe and completely correct route for transport and delivery. Somehow, they ended up halfway across BAD Sector, with my sterilized HFB, when this whole incident occured. My R&D staff were hard at work on using a Temporary Molecular Dissoluter to extract fluids and information out of Commie Mutant Traitors, when those Troubleshooters managed to use our TMD on the HFB! Nobody was prepared for what happened next. In fact, there were no survivors, so no clone is really sure what happened next. All that was discovered later, was that there was an odd brown substance left in my box, the remains of my Happy Fun Ball. After extensive testing, it was found to be much less toxic than Jok-U-RRR's infamous "Smiling Syrup", and the sheer number of clones found with that strange grin on their faces as a result. Still gives me the shivers watching those tapes. Since no clones died, or ... well, grinned like with the Syrup, it was approved for the whole Complex. Due to the laughter it brought to clones who were near death, it was commonly given to Happiness Officers.

Refs: Molecular_Dissolution_Reactions, Omega-Hybrizine, VIOLET_Supervisors

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3


Well, you know, this doesn't sound so bad. I lament the loss of the Happy Fun Ball, though.

-- Knok-U-OUT-6

I am appalled by your accusation that Sector LAH only has seven citizens in it! I just counted 41 of the little buggers yesterday, and I'm sure I could snag more if I asked CPU to do a surprise census.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

How much Laughing Fun can you get out of a single Happy Fun Ball? As a limited resource, Laughing Fun is valuable by definition, and needs to be held in PLC storage while we work out the proper exchange rate and write up some forms.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

You know, it turned out to have self-replicating properties. And I'm the only one who has clearance to the particular method. But there is an endless supply. I have ensured it.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Self-replicating? No good ever came out of such a phrase. I still wake up screaming in the nightcycle from the events of R&D's public unveiling of Self-Replicating Hot Fun.

As for the assignment of 6 out of the many citizens of Sector LAH to the Troubleshooter team sent to deliver the ball, they were the best & brightest of my Troubleshooters. I gave them covert orders to take a small detour to MAD_Sector R&D; there, I had asked my pal & lab researcher Arkham-I-MAD to do some Communism-Quota tests on it.

(Why? It is a well-known fact that the evils of Communism often try to masquerade as the most innocent things. Clowns, for example, are Red-Sickeled demons incarnate despite their seemingly-happy painted smiles and joyful antics. Luckily, they were taken care of in the Greatest Execution on Earth. It had occured to me that any happiness item can be explained in one adjective; the use of two is highly suspicious, as if to cover up a darker side as well...)

Unfortunately, somewhere along the line "BAD" was substituted for "MAD". (I haven't done enough questionings yet to determine whether this was an accident or deliberate.) The Troubleshooters collected the Happy Fun Ball, as ordered. They went to Sector BAD R&D, as mis-ordered. No one there knew what to do with it. The Troubleshooters waited, and waited, and waited for Arkham. The Troubleshooters got bored.

It's never good when Troubleshooters get bored.

I had hoped that in the explosive aftermath, the potentially dangerous item was destroyed, thus saving us all a lot of trouble. It chills me to the bone to learn that it survived. I suggest immediate containment of the substance followed by ample testing to ensure that it's as fun as they say it is. The citizens may be laughing about it now, but they won't be laughing when it takes over their minds and causes them to vomit propaganda!

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

All the testing was done years ago, Drake-U. You even countersigned the form for distribution yourself! As I said, it has self-replicating properties which means there must be an activator, or several. As I also said, I alone am keeping the system or lack therof to myself. You should read more closely, Citizen.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

All the testing? Looking back at the Experimental Progress Report for the Happy Fun Ball, I notice that "to reach the production deadline" you cancelled 43% of the Highly Recommended tests listed, including the ever-important "Commie Gematria" and "Spontaneous Flammability" ones. Too bad you decided to make all relevant information on it Classified Ultraviolet when you sent the distribution forms to PLC. (I was an Indigo citizen back then.)

I won't even mention the heavily-armed Violet R&D guards that accompanied the forms. I'm sure their accidental vaporization of Soon-I-DED after he refused to sign them was merely a coincidence...

I certainly won't comment on why your personal Happy Fun Ball was the only one left undestroyed by rampaging INFRARED_Citizens...

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Of those tests cancelled, 42% of them were continued under R&D's close supervision. That last has since been removed from the list.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

And I'm the only one who has clearance to the particular method.

Really? I have just confirmed with Friend Computer that you are, in fact, ULTRAVIOLET clearance. What would you mean by that if...

...I see. Clearance for that particular method requires filling out certain paperwork and...ah.

Not a bad bureaucracy trap, Screwz - much better than the all-too-common "Change the title of a Self-Termination Request Form to look like that of a Form Request Form" ruse, or those tired old Infinite Form Regression loops.

But I've circumvented better.

-- Err-U-DYT-9


You could have warned me. "Particular method", indeed.

Pardon me while I go scrub my eyes.

-- Err-U

I did warn you. In the paperwork. Unless you failed to completely read all of it. Try using the electron microscope on Form 7834khil-235, in the upper left hand corner.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

Screwz-U! That's inappropriate paperwork design, that is. You should never design a form where some text is only readable with an electron microscope. It gives an inappropriate advantage to R&D.

-- Jan-U

Even when an electron microscope is mentioned no less than four times in all of the paperwork, and twice on that page? That's almost treasonous lack of attention to detail. BAD Sector alone has 147 free for use with only one form being needed to use at any given moment. Besides, there is a box around the text.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

I did note the microscopic text in the upper-right corner of the form - but my MultiOmniScan Device missed the upper-left text. Probably because the "box" is thin enough to look like a line, and there's a question next to it, so the MOSD thought it was simply the line on which one answered the question.

Clever. And, I have to admit, not inappropriate, given the nature of the warning - though it's not nearly so bad as the information itself.

-- Err-U

And now that you understand, I have sent the appropriate materials to your desk. Not the actual desk, mind you, toxic materials have to be handled accordingly. But now your sector will have enough Laughing Fun to run what tests you feel needed.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3


2013-06-13 13:58