[ParanoiaLexicon] [TitleIndex] [WordIndex

Ah, the KorDrill7... Brings back fond memories of my time as a Blue. Remember that, Don-U-DON? Remember the time you ran over that traitor with a bulldozer, or that citizen I tossed into a hydralic pump because he was giving you sass? Too bad they never got around to using it... typical bureaucracy, arguing about its safety standards when the damn thing was already built.

It was safe enough, damn it! Only 14 citizens died during its construction, well within the 23% casualty limit established at the time. And ample testing showed that its use would only cause scale 5.0 earthquakes, well within acceptable Seismic Shift Parameters. If only that Troubleshooter statue ("Standing Firm Against Communism") hadn't fallen and crushed those CPU managers during Test #8, it would've passed the inspection without a hitch. I was appalled when you were executed for it. Of course, you were the one that suggested that we build it in that abandoned Infrared barracks, so I wasn't surprised.

Anyway, that was years ago. Ever since, it languished unused in HOL Sector, never fulfilling the purpose Loose-I-FER-1 commissioned it for: to excavate new housing levels by tunneling miles underground. I guess after a year in red tape, everyone forgot about it... except for the Commies. I'm sure stealing it out of those dilpidated barracks was simple, except for one thing:

How did they lug it out of there?

I helped process the technical spec forms for it, and it weighed at least 14 tons. The thing was as big as a reactor; not even a semibot could haul it out. It was never meant to be moved from its spot. Just lifting it up would require amazing feats of technical prowess, let alone moving it an inch. How would they even fit it through the necessary corridors without anyone noticing?

So I revisited that old barracks from long, long ago. The exterior was unharmed; they would have to cut a hole 75 ft. wide to squeeze it out. I was half-right. They cut the hole in the floor and somehow transported it through the biggest tunnel I've ever seen. (Analysis by some crack R&D demolitionists also found similarities between the tunnel walls and the "cavity creep" of the COL_gate_incident.)

The Troubleshooter team I sent to find the end of the tunnel popped out in Sector LYT. From there, they moved it into Sector LOK, presumably aiming it at the IntSec Information Factory there.1 (Why they didn't see it coming, I can't tell.) Fortunately for our Men_in_Infrared, the drill was never meant to be used sideways.

It left a trail of destruction spanning half of the sector, skittering around like a scrubot with BBB-soaked circuits, without making a scratch on the Info Factory. Then it somehow managed to right itself and do what it was meant to do: auger as far into the earth as it could. We haven't seen it since; the first exploration team might have, if they survived the fall down. We do know that the hole it left is at least 4 miles deep. I suggest assigning a new exploration team with much more rope. And flamethrowers. If this is where those damned Wyrms came from, I want to be prepared.

1 The relation between the Sector LOK IntSec Information Factory and "The Wall_Will_Fall" has yet to be determined.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Refs: Men_in_Infrared, Wyrms

Cross-Refs: COL_gate_incident, Loose-I-FER-1, Wall_Will_Fall


Is this connected to Project_Infinite_Hole? Or perhaps to Project_Finite_Hole? I don't recall getting a memo, and the Toothpaste Disaster archive is still a mess. I'd have it all sorted out by now if Omega-U didn't keep requisitioning my staff to help fill out his Form Completion Forms.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Doubtful. You can still dig a hole without it being experimental. The fact that it was a REALLY big hole doesn't matter. However, at least it performed its stated task perfectly, something neither of the projects can boast.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

I found some strange links when I was writing up Loose-I-FER-1, but they were not present when I actually put the information together. Weird, that.

-- Paul-U-LEG-5

What do you mean? I hope your answer isn't intentionally vague.

-- Drake-U-LAH-2

At first, I was going by the links in the Project_Infinite_Hole thing, looking to make sure this wasn't tied in somehow... and there was that link. But now I wonder it it wasn't because of Jan-U-ARY's link, above. I need more sleepcycles, I think. That's all, though, I didn't intend to be vague there.

-- Paul-U-LEG-5


2013-06-13 13:58