[ParanoiaLexicon] [TitleIndex] [WordIndex


Normally, we would expect to pay no notice whatsoever to these insignificant creatures, but it is becoming more and more evident that they are involved with this disaster. To be sure, we expect that they are merely puppets of various commie mutant traitors (such as Roy-G-BIV), but I now believe that a lowly INFRARED named Screwed-UPP was responsible for a substantial part of the confusion involved in the spread of the Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX Asimov circuits.

I have taken to interrogating a number of these citizens to see what is going on. As we all know, INFRAREDs are generally mindless, sedated drones, but my interrogation has revealed that there has been a suspicious 9.4783% upsurge in INFRARED citizens starting to develop minds of their own, of late. This is no doubt due to their developing a treasonous resistance to their happy pills, which we all know to correlate strongly with communist tendencies. As such, to quell the treasonous upsurge, I have commissioned the creation of a new, experimental happy pill known as Yahallbesmilin, which preliminary studies have shown to reduce communist tendencies by 25% while only lowering a clone's IQ by 24.910548% and I expect further reports on the experiment shortly. Hopefully this will solve this problem. If not, we can always expand upon the INFRARED Square in the GOD_Complex...

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

Are you sure he was actually an INFRARED? I remember many incidents where great saboteurs snuck in disguised as the common clone; the benefits of anonymity sometimes outweigh the joys of higher clearances. It's also much easier to steal Infrared IDs and uniforms and less likely any guards will bother remembering you. There are even rumors of an Amazing Technicolor Uniform that can change to any color of the clearance spectrum in an instant! If such a thing were true, our security systems would be in severe jeopardy.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

reduce communist tendencies by 25% while only lowering a clone's IQ by 24.910548%

That's the sort of forward progress, and the kind of really good news, we really could use more of these days, Omega-U. I look forward to hearing when it's ready for widespread deployment.

-- Knok-U-OUT-6

You raise a good point, Drake-U. I have heard reports of a highly treasonous "Jumpsuit of Many Colors" believed to be in the possession of FCCCP. I think I'll dispatch a few more IntSec agents to infiltrate and investigate that matter, just to be on the safe side.

-- Omega-U-MAN-5


2013-06-13 13:58