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Helmet Of Education

A fully developed and under budget product from R&D's labs, the Helmet of Education will radically alter the training of INFRAREDS across the Complex. It is the latest generation of Cerebral Enhancers designed to dramatically shorten the length of time taken to introduce INFRAREDS into Complex society. It uses the newest version of MindRoom (v. 23.5), to simulate the entirety of a clone's educational years in a matter of minutes. When used, the trainer simply seats the INFRARED Citizens into the specially designed chairs, selects the appropriate skills for all the clones to learn, and the Helmet descends quietly upon the Citizens heads. It is a completely painless procedure, and there is only a 2% chance of Neuro-Cascade_Failure. This is quickly becoming the method of choice among the discerning Ultraviolet in the orientation of their INFRARED Citizens. Rumors that certain prototypes have been infected by Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX are completely untrue. Some Helmets (and their creators) have been rejected for failure to meet proper complex standards, it is true.

Refs: Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX, MindRoom, Neuro-Cascade_Failure


I'm very interested in new applications of this technology! However, it's worth noting that the Helmet of Education's 2% Neuro-Cascade_Failure rate may severely underestimate the actual rate, when you add in correlated brain-scan data from a two-week period following the procedure. I expect that further testing, when combined with the Fixed-Period_Followup_Survey/Assessment/Inquest/Debriefing_Program_(F-PFS/A/I/DP), will give us a more accurate picture.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Little tip for my fellow High Programmers, thoughtfully shared with me by Ono-U-DNT-12 from BOO sector R&D: when using the Helmet of Education to train a citizen, it is not recommended to set the "Tolerance" dial to anything between 4.2 and 4.9. Doing so seems to increase the chances of Neuro-Cascade_Failure to a whopping 85%. She also recommended against including Jackobot Repair and Maintenance in the chosen skill set: it seems a bug in v.23.5 causes this to be replaced by a full, memorized copy of the Gatzmann_Archives and a solid foundation in Communist Propaganda. This, obviously, leads to a very, very brief lifecycle for the trainee. Ono-U is currently heading an investigation into the source of this tampering, but many of the extant helmets are still running the defective software. Upgrading is strongly recommended.

-- Servs-U

Hmm... I'm looking at the manufacturing records filed by ExoSkull Enterprises, the manufacturer of the Helmet of Education and the CyberHack_Programming_Helmet. Apparently they used an identical casing and interface system for both projects as a cost-cutting measure. As a result, the two products are indistinguishable except for their coded labels, which R&D reports as being easily stripped away with a dilute Acidophizz solution.

The upshot of this? It's unclear as to whether every CyberHack_Programming_Helmet or Helmet of Education involved in the Toothpaste_Disaster was properly labeled; either ExoSkull incompetence or Commie treason could have swapped labels, and the Troubleshooters that reported the incident would be none the wiser. Imagine ULTRAVIOLET citizens accidentally reprogrammed with the Helmet of Education, or INFRARED citizens accidentally given access to Friend Computer's subroutines via the CyberHack_Programming_Helmet!

If you have access to either of these technologies within your sector, please run a full diagnostic immediately to be sure that your equipment is not mislabeled. We calculate there's less than a 2.7% chance that any given Helmet has been tampered with, but why take chances?

-- Jan-U

Why Jan-U, you may have saved me from a 1.8% labor shortage! I located three CH PH's within hours! Truly, BAD Sector has gained from your diligent research!

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3

That is indeed excellent news, Screwz. I expect ExoSkull will be very happy to know where those particular CyberHack helmets went so that they can now bill your sector for the cost difference. Yes, you've done Tech-Services a great favour here. No doubt you'd be promoted if you could.

-- Watt

Well, Watt-U, those particular helmets have been removed and replaced by the correct counterparts already. The CH PH's in questions have been re-routed with the HoE's they were switched with in the first place. There is no credit difference, as they were simply switched around in my sector's delieveries in the first place. I have already filed several of the forms, and am awaiting countersignatures on the rest. TechServ has no need to bother doing anything, as the traitors involved have already been sent to your sector for termination.

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3


2013-06-13 13:58