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Ah, foil! What joy you have brought into my life! It is hard to believe that you were once merely used to ensure thoroughly-boiled eyes. No, it was only when you were ousted from that job by the first Edible Supplement Regulations that we truly discovered your potential!

As any clone with a brain rattling around in their hollow skull knows, foil is one of the most conductive items known in Alpha Complex, surpassed only by whatever hair-brained substance R&D has managed to keep stable long enough for testing. That, combined with its ease of production and low cost, has kept it in the Top 5 Power Services Product Requests throughout recorded time. I'm sure my associates in Power Services will swear by its reliability and usefulness, second only to the revered Duck Tape.

What most citizens don't realize is that its properties are just as useful in interrogation and torture of Commie_Mutant_Traitors.

In Action_Squad_Alpha episode #209 ("The Quick and the Red"), the team's equipment officer managed to extract a key piece of info from a tightlipped Commie by juryrigging an electrocutor using a foil mouthpiece and a frayed wire. IntSec, which has considerably more time, resources, and sadism to work with, has constructed some of its most awe-inspiring torture techniques around foil. Even I shudder when I think about "Macro Circuit Testing" or the "Potato Treatment".

Such creative uses of foil led to it composing 89% of the infamous Leaning_Tower_of_Treason, as detailed in such Documentaries as "Deconstructing Treason" and "The Thin Infrared Line". Not only was the tower a symbol of fear and a source of DELIGHTFULLY shrill screams of agony, but it also provided the solution for the Ultimabrite_Cleansing aspect of the Toothpaste_Disaster.

I would go so far as to say that if it wasn't for foil, none of us would still be here.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Refs: Action_Squad_Alpha, Documentaries, Leaning_Tower_of_Treason, Toothpaste_Disaster, Ultimabrite_Cleansing


Drake-U is right. We in Power absolutely love this crap, in accordance with its position as the greatest thing since the arc lamp (OLoGTSOT, added in 12th edition, still current).

-- Servs-U

I don't think you even need to conduct electricity through Foil to use it as a tool of Xtreme Interrogation; merely biting down on the stuff is horrible enough to make even hardened middle-Clearances Troubleshooters turn grey at the thought.

-- Knok-U-OUT-5

I am somewhat offended. We in R&D do not come up with "hair-brained" ide.....

Brains... made of hair.... we could increase the average Citizen's brainpower at least threefold! I'll get right on that!

-- Paul-U-LEG-5

"Xtreme" Interrogation, Knok? Improper Use of Rationed Letters in Bad Taste is a treasonable offense, punishable by extreme beatings. Someone get me my big stick!

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

How could you ever forget to mention that hats made of this are known to stop the mind control powers of Commie_Mutant_Traitors in many cases? This is surely one of the most useful properties I know of, why, I wear my hat at all times!

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

No, because I was hoping no one here was stupid enough to wear them, especially my fellow PLC High Programmers. Didn't you get the memo?

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Incidentally, I love the episode of Action_Squad_Alpha referenced here. That equipment officer, Mac-G-YVR was my hero as a young pre-citizen.



2013-06-13 13:57