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Easter Bunny Device

To a simple visual examination, the Easter Bunny Device would appear to be a non-standard 'Bot model. The main bulk of its form stands 1.5 meters tall, though a pair of elliptical antennae rise another half-meter above its "head". It appears notably bottom-heavy, due to the presence of a large internal hopper located below its center of gravity. The hopper is designed to contain explosive spheroids of a variety of sizes. For short tasks on a budget, it may be loaded with TacNuke Grenades; for longer missions, it is capable of holding up to 4,973 Uranio-Rific HappyFusion Nuggets ("MegaTons of MegaFun!").

Due to the high mass of its payload, initial prototypes were outfitted with a drive similar to that used by Transbots, but this was quickly deemed too large and unwieldy. A new system was required to meet the tight space and high power constraints, resulting in the development of the Infinitesimal_Mega-Hydraulic_Drive_Apparatus, which permits the Easter Bunny Device to move in jumps of blinding speed - through walls, if necessary. Between its bursts of speed and its array of stealth technologies, the Device is highly capable of avoiding any interference with its mission.

While the purposes to which the Device can be put are many, its primary function is to assist in the containment, capture, and/or cremation of traitors on the run. Using a semi-random path algorithm adhering to the Zeta_Vector_Principle and based on the target's last Memory Archival, it plants carefully-hidden timed explosives in a web of seemingly arbitrary locations, helping to pen and herd the suspect towards the loyal forces of Friend Computer. Of course, these locations can be downloaded remotely from the device, so that Friend Computer's loyal forces can be prepared for where the traitor will emerge; the Easter Bunny Device can also be recalled by issuing the appropriate command from afar.

Unfortunately, when actually employed to assist in the retrieval of the CyberHack_Programming_Helmet, contact was lost with the Device a mere 4.37 minutecycles after its release. Analysis indicates that the Easter Bunny Device decided to "take a shortcut" by crashing through a wall, and wrecked its antennae in the process. This is doubly unfortunate because the Easter Bunny Device is not a 'Bot. Its hodgepodge of hardened controlling circuitry has no Asimov circuits, nor anything like them. Were it not for the fact that the initial personality overlay of the Easter Bunny Device was based on the most recent Al-B-GUD, its location and destruction would currently be Emergency Priority Class 3N ("Quite Bad Indeed").

As it is, Friend Computer has issued standing orders that any citizen encountering the Easter Bunny Device shall render all required repairs and assistance.

The exact whereabouts of the Easter Bunny Device are currently unknown.

References: Al-B-GUD, CyberHack_Programming_Helmet, Infinitesimal_Mega-Hydraulic_Drive_Apparatus, Zeta_Vector_Principle

Postscript: In the name of Friend Computer, who came up with this thing? It's not recorded in any of the proper places. Pardon me while I go reprogram some of my security measures.


The unfamiliar wording of the name was my first clue. Luckily I have a stash of imprisoned traitors stored specifically for such research.

Two smoking corpses later, a Sierra Club plant (heheh) squealed that the Easter Bunny was not a species but a specific individual, much like the Smoking Bear and the Toad Buds. He was connected to some ancient holiday called Easter, which the Romantics would know about. I rewarded him with a quick and mostly painless death.

After a short break, I went to interrogate my Romantics prisoner. He went through FIVE amputations (a new record by my count) before he broke down. He told me that Easter was an ancient holiday on which the dead would rise from their graves and give chocolates to the living. Then they would engage in wild drinking and sex before sitting around the family table to feast on cooked Easter Bunnies (obviously cloned from the original). The trail seemed complete, but I wanted to make sure, so I interrogated a dozen other traitors to double-check.

That's when I heard from a repenting FCCCP member that the Easter holiday started when one of their First High Programmers died for 3 daycycles and then came back to life. Shortly before going into stasis, he said that he would come back one daycycle to punish the traitors and reward the loyal.

So how WOULD such a feat occur? Luckily, I remembered an Old Reckoning book that I salvaged from a failed Troubleshooter squad entitled "Frankenstein". What I thought was an early guide to rampant bots was really a scientific journal on the process of resurrecting a dead body. The key ingredient was a lot of electricity.

Back in those crude times, they used lightning. Nowadays, a properly-setup nuclear reactor would suffice.

Could this have anything to do with the Easter Bunny Device's stockpile of nuclear material, or the fissile waste stolen from Nuclear_Facility_RON-372/B? Do these have any connection with the death of Flo-U-RID-3, who was so fanatically loyal that she was under "Suspicion of being an FCCCP society member"? Only through more research and interrogations will we find out...

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Just an addendum to this, I've had reports of citizens spotting this thing in both TAL and COT sectors, so sent out some of my best techs in pursuit. Unfortunately, the thing's circuitry makes chasing it an extremly risky maneuver. After painstaking research over a sequence of 28 clones, we've determined that the safest means of following is by, whenever possible, leaping from some distance to land directly in the footprint of the thing. It seems that its method of placing its payload is always near where it lands. Thankfully the thing is incredibly heavy so tends to leave noticable indentations. By staying within this trail, clones can pursue it in relative safety. This technique was discovered by Pete-R-TAL-3 and Pete-R-COT-6 (Praise Friend Computer for the foresight to label clones with their origination sector.. especially at the red level. There's just so many of them.)

The last report I received indicated that Pete-R's COT & TAL were hopping down the bunny trail. It's a pity, oh a pity, that Easter got away.

-- Watt

Excellent research! Hopefully, this device can be repaired so as to assist in the return of the CyberHack_Programming_Helmet; it would be a shame to lose such a valuable device. It was clever of them to note its placement of the explosives; they do, in fact, come out of an opening in the rear of the device, which is why they coincide with its hops like that.

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

Omega: The blueprints indicate that during performance of its primary function, the Easter Bunny Device removes explosives from an anterior midriff hatch (or an auxillary "basket" attachment) and carefully hides the spheroids before moving on. You must be referring to the "Pursuit Countermeasures" section, in which the Device can (if necessary) leave behind "presents" for those attempting to follow it; these are indeed dropped via a rear hatch directly upon hopping.

Watt: be aware that with the Device's current payload, levels of radiation unacceptable to anyone above RED clearance are likely to be absorbed by anyone following it directly.

(Tracking teams of RED clearance and below should be issued keyed radiation monitoring devices to assist in their pursuit.)

--- Err-U

I know that everyone is rather busy at the moment, but we have yet to receive an itemized accounting of damages thus far inflicted by the Easter Bunny Device in TAL and COT sectors. We will be working closely with Technical Services to repair the trail of destruction it's left, but we can't allocate resources, nor can Tech allocate repair crews, until someone fills out all of the necessary forms. And given that Apr-I-COT-6 is currently working on maintaining the Thirty-one_Official_Flavors database in COT sector, I should think that some of you have a vested interest in filing that paperwork pronto.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Now now, Jan, that's what lackeys are for.

One of my interns volunteered to do it on the condition that I don't execute him for incompetance for another weekcycle. Here's his preliminary report.

{{{On the subject of destruction, the Bunny did this spree:

12 Tubeways Toppled 11 Food Vats Flooded 10 Doors were Destroyed 9 Scrubots Seizured 8 Greens were Grappled 7 Screens were Scuffed Up 6 Boots were Ripped Up 5 AWOL Teams 4 Destroyed Rooms 3 Vaped Tanks 2 Autos Stomped And a Critical Reactor}}}

It seems a bit low to me, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and wait for contradictory evidence to kill him. At least it's catchy.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Now that's the kind of thing I'm looking for!

-- Jan-U

Bad form, Drake. You start letting the interns specify conditions and the next thing you know they start getting airs and think they can negotiate with you.

-- Watt

Watt-U, you obviously don't know how to negotiate with your inferiors. I do all of mine with a Cone Rifle, assuring that there's plenty of groveling and pleading in any negotiations. It's much more satisfying than just ordering them to do it.

-- Drake-U-LAH-1

Well, it seems that I myself have caught the thing running about in my sector. To hear of a machine with no Asimovs... How Could You?!? Failure to follow proper procedures... wanton destruction... coupled with the fact that no R&D tech has ever heard of the thing. I have no record requesting parts that obviously came from my sector. That drive hadn't been tested at all, and was reported to be destroyed in the first place! How you got your manipulators on it, I will discover. The fact that you equipped it to a machine... not even a bot! If I didn't know better, I'd almost consider that you did the sabotage on purpose, to cover the destruction of that lab in the first place!

-- Screwz-U-BAD-3


2013-06-13 13:53