[ParanoiaLexicon] [TitleIndex] [WordIndex

Indigo clearance Committee IC48934-Q23-HX45 was convened in accordance with Standard Operating Procedures to determine the disposition of a collection of damaged, broken, defective or otherwise unuseable computer property. This routine event would be wholely unremarkable, if it were not for the fact that a number of items for which the committee was responsible eventually came to play some role in the Toothpaste Disaster. Later investigation has determined that at least two members of this committee were involved in traitorous conspiracy against The Computer and its citizens. Of greatest interest is this copy of the memo, "Disposition of Indicated Property" and the traitorous message attached. It was recovered by IntSec from the personal files of Tom-I-Tut-1, a terminated traitor and member of Committee IC48934-Q23-HX45.

File Begins


Disposition of Indicated Property

Serial Date Stamp: 190.25774.534/4653

From: Committee IC48934-Q23-HX45

To: Production, Logistics & Commisary

CC: The Computer

It is the recommendation of this committee that all of the listed property be recycled as scrap barring exceptions noted below:

<Note: 127 page list of recycled materials removed,>
<available at your request from The Computer as    >
<Index Item 190.25774.534/4653-A.                  > 
<                                -- Mesh-U-GNA-1   >     

 * Decommissioned Beverage Dispenser 0-ICU-812 -- This item still contains over 45 cans of very old B2 beverage. 
   The beverage should be salvaged and sent back to ColGate BioTech.  They have a standing order for the return of all 
   supplies of this substance.  The dispenser itself can be recycled normally.

 * Defective Batch ACA672T09-XXXX -- Due to the dangerous nature of defective Asimov Circuits, this item should be

 * Defective Batch ACA673T09-XXXX -- Due to the dangerous nature of defective Asimov Circuits, this item should be

 * Defective Batch ACA674T09-XXXX -- Due to the dangerous nature of defective Asimov Circuits, this item should be

 * Defective Batch ACA675T09-XXXX -- Route to COL sector R&D Service Group Headquarters, attention Jen-I-COL-3,
   Clearance Indigo.

 * Defective Batch ACA676T09-XXXX -- Due to the dangerous nature of defective Asimov Circuits, this item should be 

 * Equipment related to Classified Project -- To be destroyed by order of The Computer.  See Attached Demolition Order.

 * 12000KG packaged IR rations found to contain treasonous substance "borscht" -- Though this will leave CRY sector 
   short on rations for a few weekcycles, these should be repurposed as Reactor shielding.  Route to RON Sector.

 * 5 barrels, Toothpasty Supplement #2, Expired -- Due to the hazardous nature of this substance it should be stored
   indefinitely.  Route to Infrared Barracks COL-IR-89921 storage facility.

 * 2000 mis-printed "Tella-O-MLY" souvenir bandages -- Other than the typo, these bandages are fine.  Send them to
   Troubleshooter Central, their bandage stock is always low.

 * 5 barrels, yellow-clearance Troubleshooters, Expired  -- Send to SOY sector food vats for recycling

 * 5 barrels, yellow-clearance laser, Expended -- Send to ARY sector IntSec field office for forensic analysis,
   pursuant to issue 101110100-Bin-ARY.

The Committee would like to thank its friend, The Computer, for the opportunity to faithfully serve Alpha Complex
 in this matter.  This concludes our report and recommendations.

File Ends

This file has been compared to the master record in The Computers databanks, and it is accurate. It appears that Tom-I changed the disposition of Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX just before the memo was filed, sending it's contents to his co-conspirator, Jen-I-COL-3. The following encrypted attachment was found in Tom-I's personal copy of the file, it does not appear as an attachment to the master copy.

Encrypted Attachment Begins {{{Jen-I, I've got the number. It's A675T09. You gave me something to hold onto. Now they think it's mine.

I know you think I'm like the others. I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve. I tried other communications, but I was observed. Jen-I, who can I turn to?

Jen-I, I've got the number. It's A675T09. Jen-I, don't change the number. A675T09.

Frightened and awaiting your response, Tom-I-Tut-1}}} Encrypted Attachment Ends.

Analysis of this message seems to indicate that at least two organizations were involved with Jen-I and Tom-I. The "Others" who Tom-I refers to, and the "They" who think that some item entrusted to Tom-I by Jen-I is actually his. A scan of IntSec reports indicates that IntSec are not "They", as one might first assume. It is apparent that there were at least two Secret_Societies_Involved_In_the_Toothpaste_Disaster. Further research will undoubtedly reveal several additional involvements.


Refs: Defective_Batch_ACA675T09-XXXX; Jen-I-COL-3; Secret_Societies_Involved_In_the_Toothpaste_Disaster



Odd, very odd. Most notably, was the defective batch sent to Jen-I-COL or Jen-I-GRL? Someone is clearly in error here. I expect to see a Z3-NDA Mistaken Identity Resolution Form on my desk by the end of the daycycle.

-- Jan-U-ARY-31

Jan-U, Thanks for pointing that out. Some of the original documents I obtained regarding this issue refered to Jen-I by her original Housing assignment in GRL sector. With her promotion to Indigo clearance came her assignment to COL sector. I've updated my entry to avoid confusion. We'll ignore for the moment that you were previewing a draft document, since the warning flags to that effect were somehow removed with the implementation of Omega-U's macro system.

-- Mesh-U-GNA-1

Excellent; this clears up all confusion. Also, I've enclosed a 44R-X9 Warning Flag Removal Demerit form regarding Omega-U's unfortunate macro system interference; I trust you'll countersign it.

--- Jan-U

Of course, of course. Consider it signed.

-- Mesh-U

Oh bother, trying to blame me for your own incompetance, no doubt! The proper place for comments as to the draft status of a document, is, of course, in the document itself. I cannot be held responsible should anyclone not follow proper procedure! It is indeed fortunate that you did not start your PLC career in my sector, as it is quite evident that you would not have survived long enough to reach ULTRAVIOLET clearance...

In any event, no worries. I already have forms to counter your forms! I think you may have forgotten who is the master formmaker of PLC! :] Some of my most powerful forms have yet to be widely known, as no one has completed the paperwork necessary to view, much less use them, but me...

-- Omega-U-MAN-5

...and, like the DebateIsFutileResolutionForm, something useful will eventually be made of them, I'm sure.

It would save a lot of wasted time and effort if you were to submit them to peer review before trying to deploy them. Though you've undeniably come up with some masterful concepts, all of them have required at least three iterations of re-working by committee before being successfully processed at all, let alone worked into the existing mechanisms of society and bureaucracy in a useful fashion.

-- Err-U-DYT-9

To get back to the relevant issues... maybe I'm missing something obvious here, but I note that the list includes a specific entry for "Equipment related to Classified Project". What equipment? What classified project? Since this is a separate entry, I assume we're not talking about the defective batches of Asimov circuits, but something completely different. Would any of my comrades on the committee care to enlighten me?

-- Jan-U

Jan-U I have to admit I've been wondering the same thing. That is the literal text of the memo, and the demolition order mentioned is not part of the file (Of course, neither is any of the other related ancillary paperwork). I would agree that it doesn't seem to relate to the Asimov Circuit batches. I tried to track down the demolition order, but there are ALOT of demolition orders for 'classified projects' at around this time (I was able to easily track down 127 of them, and my research gulag turns up two or three more every daycycle). Perhaps someone else has some insight.

-- Mesh-U


2013-06-13 13:52