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Al-B-GUD is the official mascot of Friend Computer's Complex_Youth_Guidance_Program. A happy-go-lucky Troubleshooter, Al-B encourages young Citizens to denounce treason in themselves and report treason in others through catchy songs and nerve-racking games of ethics. The actual Citizen behind Al-B's identity changes, as HPD&MC assigns Troubleshooters as needed through the Mandate program.

Most recently, Al-B was used to push Friend Computer's Baseline_Dental_Health promotion among Alpha Complex's youth. This included lessons on the use of the ADC as well as Floss++, which was supplied by VPR Sector R&D. I helped write the song for that -- "Be a good Citizen/Clean your teeth well/Or await execution/In a five by five cell."

The most recent Al-B vanished in the wake of the Toothpaste_Disaster.

Refs: Complex_Youth_Guidance_Program, Floss++

-- Paul-U-LEG-5

Commentary: And it's a fantastic little ditty! Why, right now I'm listening to the extended re-mix (by Dogg-Y-DOG-2) on my pPod Personal Propaganda Player. You know, if you turn the bass up high enough you can actually feel your internal organs. And yet, it's so tiny...small enough to comfortably rest on your back (well, if you adjust these here straps and kinda walk hunched over*). Amazing what they can do these days!

Well, time to mosey down to the Commisary and pick up some moisturizer...toodles!

*Not that I'm complaining, no sirree! In fact, walking in this position has greatly improved my awareness of sector corridor conditions. Oooh...looks like someone missed a spot!

-- Brush-U-TTH-32

"Brush good, floss right, everyday!/Or by summary execution as a Commie you'll pay." That jingle's so good you could swear Our Friend Computer wrote it. Actually come to think of it, this jingle you helped write Paul-U, seems treasonously similar to the perfect utterances of Our Friend Computer on the matter of positive Infrared work habits in support of Alpha Complex's dietary needs:

"Attention good Citizen/Stir the food vats well/Or await execution/In a two by three cell. Stir good, skim right, everyday!/Or by summary execution as a Commie you'll pay."

I think this might warrant further investigation.

-- Costin-U

You know, I warned Don-U's promotions team at HPD&MC not to start promoting the ADC until we actually rolled out with it. Now we've got a whole generation of clones subliminally programmed to stick their heads into anything that looks like the prototype, which unfortunately looked a lot like the GRATEs* present in most commissaries. "Just leave this marketing stuff to us," they said. Idiots.

*: GRATE: Garbage Recycler and Applied Treason Extractor

-- Servs-U

(Sigh.) Typical. A few faces get torn off and the Tech guys want to blame Marketing.

Maybe we didn't program those clones to stick their heads into boxes of rotating knives. Maybe they all already wanted to stick their heads into mysterious boxes scattered around industrial sectors at knee level with clearly marked warning labels. HPD&MC's promotion of the ADC rollout was just responding to that deep unconscious desire. Give the citizens what they want!* That's the key to successful neuro-programming.

*(Note: Do not give the citizens what they want.)

-- Don-U

Speaking of not giving the citizens what they want, Don-U, how are the Contaminant Levels in your sleepchamber? Because if you confuse me with one of those jerks in Tech again, they might jump 700%. By accident, you know. We've been having some trouble in that area.

-- Servs-U

As far as I can tell, you're always having trouble in that area, Servs-U. But that's Power Services for you.

-- Cee-U

Cee-U is right. We have been always been having trouble in the area of Contaminant Levels in Don-U's sleepchamber, as Tech Services has a long and well-documented history* of installing (and improperly so, I might add) substandard Choke-No-Mor filtration units in that sector.

*: See Service History Archives DON/433-#a3 through DON/490-11.4Q

-- Servs-U

Naturally when I hear about Tech Services using substandard equipment I get concerned. So I had a look into the records and determined that the Choke-No-Mor units in that sector are not at all substandard, but rather properly inspected and installed grade 6 Choke-No-Mor units that were all functioning well within the expected parameters of a grade 6 unit. I would also like to point out that if you look at the 406 and 432 archives, Tech Services strongly recommended that grade 3 units or better be installed in that area based on CPU reported levels of particulate matter and odorous compounds detected there. If you're telling me now that the much worse grade 6 units aren't doing a great job of clearing that out, all I can say is that just goes to show we know our stuff.

In fact, looking at this Authorization of Unit Alteration form (in the 432 archives), it seems our recommendation was countermanded by one Und-V-DOG-6 of Power Services for reasons of cheapness.. I'm sorry, efficiency. Isn't he a direct assistant of yours, Servs? In fact, I'm sure I can produce a recording of you explaining to him how you didn't think that sector was worth the minimal extra cost it would have been to ensure good quality units installed.. or at least.. I probably can within the next daycycle. Voice verification will show at least 95% probability of it being you and Und, I expect.

-- Watt

No need to fabricate evidence in your usual fashion, Watt. It's true Und-V-DOG-6 was, in fact, my direct assistant. He acted against my orders, and was subsequently executed as is proper (see Treason Voucher RIT-397-A14), while Und-V-DOG-7 is proving most loyal. As for the Choke-No-Mor units...hate to break it to you, Watt, but subsequent examination of the 406 and 432 archives show evidence of post-filing alterations orginating from your terminal (thanks for the tip, Err-U). The units themselves are certainly operating well within the expected parameters of grade 6 units, which is a miracle of Power Services jury-rigging (yes, we splice-happy clones) bringing the installed grade 9 units up as a high in performance as we can without a total replacement (something countermanded by your department, Watt-U). Given that it seems Und-V's countermanding of your recommendations was based on the original (and now suspiciously altered) recommendations, I rather suspect I owe him an apology. Shame on you, Watt-U. Please note that I've already had my DebateIsFutileResolutionForm processed and approved, so I'd say no more on the matter if I were you.

-- Servs-U

Well of course I wouldn't debate you in this matter, Servs. No need to, after all, I have my security videos, I'm sure they'll be able to show us exactly who it was that managed to get access to my terminal to make these changes you've alleged -- assuming this isn't just another case of the CPU assigning INFRARED workers to do their filing for them again.

By the way, do you prefer your left or right side for the camera?

-- Watt

Your insistence on pursuing this matter is noted, Watt-U. While your zeal is commendable, it is also in violation of Section 4c(iii) of the DebateIsFutileResolutionForm, and as such all relevant documentation and evidence (including your precious security videos) are to be siezed, bathed in Acidophizz, then fired by Mass Driver into the core of the Earth. Not my doing, of course; it's standard. I hope we can put this episode behind us and unite in pursuing more important concerns we both share, such as why HPD&MC continues to depict the work of our Service Groups as unglamorous, hazardous, and barely preferable to volunteering with R&D's Experimental Fuels programs.

-- Servs-U

This strikes me as an excellent suggestion. Of course we can put this matter behind us. We stand as one in service of Friend Computer, after all. And I'm sure you didn't mean to imply there was anything wrong with volunteering for a valuable R&D program, but merely used that as a figure of speech.

Also, in the interests of our new-found camaraderie I'll point out that if your DebateIsFutileResolutionForm has a section 4c(iii), you're using the previous version which is now obsolete, and as such, is not valid. The current version moved the entire "4c" clause down to a new section 7. Trust me on this, as I've filled out the most recent one for this matter. You'll want to get on CPU or PLC for a new batch.

-- Watt

If only Al-B had paid my little Codemonkeys a visit... maybe they never would have turned to treason.

-- Circ-U

2013-06-13 13:52