Zed/Omega-38458-QYT - IntSec Investigation of Jan-U
CLEARANCE: ULTRAVIOLET TIMESTAMP: 72:19:44:13.05.214 ----------------------------- TRIBUNES: LOVE-U-JAN-4 (EVR SECTOR BUREAU CHIEF) NEED-U-JAN-2 (MCH SECTOR BUREAU CHIEF) WANT-U-JAN-3 (WAY SECTOR BUREAU CHIEF) PROSECUTOR: INCOMP-I-TNT-6 DEFENDANT: JAN-U-ARY-31 BAILIFF: BAILIFFBOT B675-E09
LOVE-U: Welcome, Jan-U-ARY-31! NEED-U: Its great to see you again, Jan-U. WANT-U: Yes, its just fabulous! JAN-U: Its a pleasure to see you all, of course. But I think we should keep this all on a professional basis, dont you? LOVE-U: Oh, absolutely. Whatever you say, Jan-U. INCOMP-I: I have a list of charges here LOVE-U: Overruled. INCOMP-I: But LOVE-U: Citizen Incomp-I, you are out of order. BailiffBot B675-E09, please deal with the offender. INCOMP-I: But [SOUNDS OF LASER FIRE] [SOUND OF A BODY HITTING THE FLOOR] WANT-U: Oh, that is so much better. LOVE-U: Now, Jan-U, weve read through all of the files youve so generously provided to this tribunal. NEED-U: Yes, weve been very impressed by your diligence and precision. WANT-U: Its absolutely delicious. JAN-U: Why, thank you, tribunes. LOVE-U: Anyway, we wanted you to know that you have been cleared of all charges. NEED-U: And there were quite a lot of them. LOVE-U: Yes, theres quite a pack of traitors out there who want to sully your good name. JAN-U: Yes, Ive noticed. Professional jealousy, Im sure. LOVE-U: Were opening a series of new investigations into the activities of your accusers. Anyone trying to cast blame onto someone like you, someone utterly devoted to Alpha Complex and Friend Computer, must be a commie. JAN-U: Well, Im not so sure LOVE-U: Dont worry about a thing. Well take care of everything. WANT-U: Well also be reading that lovely Toothpaste Report youve been working on. It looks so exciting! NEED-U: I expect therell be more slanders against your good name in there. But dont worry, well take care of it. LOVE-U: Agreed. Theres no need for Friend Computer to hear any of these disparaging remarks. JAN-U: Im not sure thats LOVE-U: Now, Jan-U, dont worry your pretty little brain about it. We have your best interests at heart; that is to say, the best interests of Alpha Complex. [SOUND OF DOOR OPENING] INCOMP-I-TNT-7: I have new evidence! [SOUNDS OF LASER FIRE] [SOUND OF A BODY HITTING THE FLOOR] NEED-U: Well, thats that. LOVE-U: Hey, Jan-U. Well be getting together tonight at Teela-Os to watch That Show Trial Show. Care to join us? JAN-U: Id love to. WANT-U: Fabulous!