• Speculative Ongoing Subjective Timeline of Events

AUTHORIZATION:OUT:KNOK:B3:44:A0:FF
PROXYBOT PP.680 ENGAGED

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Hola, muchachos!

I'm Pepe the ProxyBot, fully-authorized digital assistant to High Programmer Knok-U-OUT-6, limitless dispenser of good advice, and your sexy sequential guide through the events which led up to, occurred during, and followed the crashtacular spectaclysm that was the Toothpaste Disaster. Aye, caramba! Knok-U is very busy with his ongoing research for the main body of the report but he's put me to work on the existing entries to date, sorting through it all to provide him with some series-of-events notes to help him keep it all straight-- at least, as straight as it can be, considering the sheer volume of confusing and sometimes contradictory data you seem to be providing, hombres!

A few notes about this timeline:

• It is Speculative, not Definitive! In other words, it is not intended as part of the final report, nor are its contents meant to supersede, in any way, the existing primary entries in the report. If I may say so myself, however, I think it is no less reasoned than some of the loco in the cabeza commentary y'all have been throwing at each other. Aye yai yai!

• It is Subjective, not Objective! That is, Knok-U set me to work preparing it for his use in the latter half of the report effort, and as such, there may be places where events have been interpreted to support his particular opinions more than others'. If I was writing it for myself, a few things might be different, but you know Knok-U... Anyway, if you disagree strongly with my findings, you may certainly have your own ProxyBot work up a timeline of your own, or even write one out yourself by hand.

• It is Ongoing, not Complete! The current version of this Timeline reflects what I think I know about the facts at the present time. The report itself is still in progress, si? So this related Timeline is necessarily also in progress. Also, as I examine and re-examine the existing data set, I will no doubt revise the Timeline to reflect my improved understanding.

• It is a Timeline of Events, not a Map of Causality! As a result, there are muy significant entries from the report that are not represented, as their involvement-- though important-- isn't sequentially-based in the strictest sense of the word.

So here's how I think it happened!

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Speculative Ongoing Subjective Timeline of Events

Version: 1.3.1

50 to 150 YEARS AGO

• Earliest version of Party Omega protocol.

• Gatzmann demoted to BLUE and Terminated. Gatzmann Archives created.

• A young Jan-U is involved with the ill-fated B2 product.

  • Shortly after, B3 replaces B2 and remains Alpha's primary beverage for a very long time.

• First round of revisions and expansions to emergency protocols.

20 to 50 YEARS AGO

• PopRox discovered during expansion of LIF Sector. (qv PopRox Massacre)

• LeadLike invented.

• Great Rewrite begins on emergency protocols, including Party Omega.

• The Waxy Disaster happens.

• First sightings of Wyrms.

• Inception of Xenoseptic Fountain plan.

10 to 20 YEARS AGO

• Best Good Happy Sector Hour Riots.

• Original Lenin's Tooth made as a decoy; destroyed not long after.

• Vers-I treaty (qv Group Assignment Services Exchange Scheme (GASES)) ends Power-Tech pogroms.

• Standard PIC (qv Fire-and-Forgetpicks) issued to Troubleshooters.

• Nefar-I-OUS-3 works on solving problem of long-term punishment of Commie Mutant Traitors.

  • Construction on Leaning Tower of Treason begins.

• Maxiofacial Mandate begins.

  • QwalitieStandard for Baseline Dental Health established.

• PIC development reaches v1.6.6.

• KorDrill7 built and left in HOL Sector.

• Complex Youth Guidance Program instituted and Al-B-GUD introduced.

6 TO 8 YEARS AGO

• Humanist VIOLET Supervisors conspiracy begins.

• Jen-Y-COL invents RhinoKleen.

• Flavor Riots lead to stated policy that the Thirty-one Official Flavors never change.

• Xenoseptic Fountain is built, fails disastrously, is retasked to other purposes.

• Original BNG Sector maintenance request filed. (qv Sector Decontamination Request 429-79)

• Krieg-G-EAR suspended from WhirledRON Energy.

  • KriegsList begins.

• New (smaller) Lenin's Tooth possibly created; placed behind Gamma Class Security Field.

5 YEARS AGO

• Halle-B-RTN-4 takes control of KriegsList.

• Project Infinite Hole conception phase.

• Iron Chef in testing; Knok-U on early tasting panel.

• Earliest version of DebateIsFutileResolutionForm.

• Great Rewrite is completed (qv Party Omega).

4 YEARS AGO

• Project Infinite Hole spins off several new Holistic Medicines, including Acidophizz, Beta-Toxsystene, Diphenhydromegatoxine, and Omega-Hybrizine.

• First season of "That Show Trial Show" (qv HUACAC) is an exposé on the WMD (Warriors of Masked Dentistry).

  • Titelip-G-RIN-1 and 2 tasked with uncovering WMD; both fail.

• Leaning Tower of Treason begins operation; OUS Sector Cabal is formed.

• Iron Chef rollout, despite occasional mishaps.

3 YEARS AGO

• Toothpasty Supplement #5 created from Beta-Toxsystene and put into use.

  • Iron Chef accidentally supplied with TS-5 instead of real toothpaste base.

• Second season of "That Show Trial Show" covers Unspeakable Treason.

• Infiltration of Kore Kommudants Kommittee leads League of Extreme Communism (qv League of Extraordinary Dadaists) to go independent.

  • Construction begins on XOR-I/Ent X-Press?

• Old Reckoning Video Entertainment Archive #949/GAG found by Vulture Squadron Bravo 9 in the Outdoors.

• Alpha Complexity attempts to replace Computer with their own AI.

• Grac-I-OUS-4 terminated for leading original Low-Clearance Rights group.

  • Err-U begins decoy LoCR organization.

• Project Infinite Hole is suspended pending cancellation.

2 YEARS AGO

• First Consumer Hour occurs.
  • PIC 2.0 debuts.

• Mandate to make Asimov circuitry smaller. (qv Asimov Circuit Miniaturization)

• Third season of "That Show Trial Show" targets Roy-G-BIV.

• OUS Sector Cabal breaks out of Leaning Tower of Treason.

• Make-U instructs R&D to work on solving impure fluid intake problem.

  • Project Finite Hole begins.

• Glee Quotas begin

  • First Joyometers developed by VPR Sector R&D.

• Google Gadgets develops original line of Denta-Bots.

  • Dogmatic disputes regarding Whole Oral Experience lead to Vending Wars.

BETWEEN 18 AND 24 MONTHS AGO

• Project Infinite Hole revived and begins active rivalry with Project Finite Hole.

• First Compulsory Consumer Hour

• Glee Quotas repealed.

• Office of Designation On Hold moves; BNG maintenance request sent to Department for Prehension of Osteichthyes-based Odours. (qv Sector Decontamination Request 429-79)

• VPR Sector destroyed in nuclear explosion. (qv Joyometers)

• Laughing Fun created by combination of Omega-Hybrizine and Happy Fun Ball.

• First Codemonkeys (one, initially) begin producing results.

• Snack Schooler survivors implement "mouthwash" requirement. (qv Zero Tolerance Mouthwash Accident)

16 to 18 MONTHS AGO

• CRY and BBY Sectors evacuated because of Wyrms

• Syntelligent Systems makes miniaturized Asimov Circuits and creates Electronic Security Measure Capice.

  • PenBot demonstrates potential of new miniaturized Asimovs.

• Group Assignment Services Exchange Scheme (GASES) begins.

  • Alpha Complex Rifle Association (ACRA) begins FARTing personnel into TNT Chapstick Factory.

  • Rivalry between Project Infinite Hole and Project Finite Hole escalates rapidly.

• PIC 2.x design stolen by Open Sores Community.

• B4 project underway.

• Aural Static Taste Enhancer underway.

• Fire-and-Forgetpicks "released" as PIC 3.0.

• Codemonkeys moved into vacant CRY and BBY Sectors, create Thirty-second Flavor.

13 to 15 MONTHS AGO

• B4 in testing, receiving positive response.

• ADC is probably actually implemented (I believe).

  • ADC leads to beginning of Toothpasty Supplement #6 and Megadent development.

  • Fluoride additive placed in water supply by Brush-U as ADC Phase 2. (qv Fluoride Incident)

  • Dark days of confusion follow, ultimately corrected by psychobots.

    • NOTE: ADC claimed to have begun "four monthcycles ago" in some circumstances. May be someone feeding commission bad information, or simply confused memories caused by those days of fluoride-induced hallucination. Dursch-U seems to remember fluoride incident happening at least nine months earlier than this, though no objective factual info exists in the report.

• ItemsInQuestion placed in hiding.

• Ging-I-VTS-5 sabotages power to Project Infinite Hole.

• Long-lost BNG maintenance request upgraded to Sector Decontamination Request 429-79

  • Casualties ensue; threat assessment procedures are tightened.

• Thirty-second Flavor's flavor-changing ability discovered; Codemonkeys terminated.

• Brush-U pulls plug on B4.

  • Mouthwash requirement extended to all fluids. (qv Zero Tolerance Mouthwash Accident)

• Flo-U-RID-3 suspends Property Value (Computer) Units market.

• KriegsList shut down.

12 MONTHS / 1 YEAR AGO

• Hostilities against Fire-and-Forgetpicks declared officially ended.

• Defective Batch ACA675T09-XXXX caused at Syntelligent Systems as retaliation for Electronic Security Measure Capice.

  • The Defective Batch gets in Peps-O Denta-Bots, Robobraces, Flossbot Mk II, and CyberChomp 4000s.

• Committee IC48934-Q23-HX45 misroutes a variety of gear to COL Sector and loses track of some Defective Batch Asimovs.

• CyberHack Programming Helmet is created, apparently with Defective Batch circuits.

  • Earliest Helmet Of Education also made; confusingly similar to Cyberhack.

  • Head of Project Infinite Hole tries to use CHPH to reduce PIH/PFH rivalries.

• Easter Bunny Device nearing completion; Megadent deployed.

11 MONTHS AGO

• Population moved back into CRY and BBY Sectors, despite having been fouled by Codemonkeys.

• Thirty-second Flavor-induced incidences of Spontaneous Mutation Syndrome begin.

• Paris-I-LTN encounters Flossbot Mk II.

• How-R-YOU-2 infiltrates DYT Sector Communist Cell.

• Fourth season of "That Show Trial Show" begins with the "Dentifrice Calamity".

• Kaleidoscope Conspiracy wanders into COL Sector; Knok-U sells property.

• Halle-B-RTN-4 attempts theft of CyberHack Programming Helmet; CHPH and its wearer go missing.

  • Easter Bunny Device deployed to retrieve CHPH; still at large.

• Thylacine interacts with VatSlime annual bloom in the Zero Tolerance Mouthwash Accident.

10 MONTHS AGO / WEEKS AND DAYS BEFORE DISASTER

• Project Infinite Hole vs. Project Finite Hole starts back up again.

• Exercise Pills deployed in HLK sector.

  • Im w/stupid dance craze sweeps Complex.

• CyberChomp 4000s are everywhere.

• Jelloidal InterNode Exchange (JINx) installed between COL and RON Sectors.

• Borscht-related grafitti in DYT Sector

  • Discovery of Borscht Generator and Jamming Equipment on DYT Sector pipeline.

• TTT transports carrying Whitener Compounds go missing; Arm & Hammer Group infiltrated. (qv Arm & Hammer Infiltration Report)

• Transbot Acceleration Infinitesimal Mega-Hydraulic Drive Apparatus prototype tested on Alternative Troubleshooter Team Insertion Conduit (ATTIC) near RON Sector.

• Demolition Order #32A/74-43491 issued; demolished items shipped into RON Sector reactor cores.

DAY OF THE DISASTER

• Project Infinite Hole personnel sabotage the Alternative Troubleshooter Team Insertion Conduit (ATTIC).

• PopRox arrive in RON Sector.

• COL gate incident happens and many Emergency Disaster Response Teams are tied up in dealing with it.

  • JINx breaks down from Bile Suppressant; Sea Water floods through affected Sectors.

• Denta-Bots chew through normal Toothpasty Supplement #5 pipes, leading to supply bottleneck.

  • TS-5 bottlenecks lead to emergency routing via (sabotaged) ATTIC to supply Megadents.

• PopRox Massacre explosion.

LAST HOURS BEFORE DISASTER

• Toothpasty Transbot ATTIC crash in RON Sector leads to Four Reactor Foam Flood.

  • Loss of Power to ROC, RON, ROD, and ROM Sectors.

  • RED-Clearance Revolution makes failed attempt to steal Little Red Disk.

  • Project Infinite Hole ordered conclusively cancelled; nearly everyone involved immediately FARTs out and denies all knowledge or involvement.

• Fire-and-Forgetpicks possibly detected in TNT Sector.

• Loss of Power to TNT Sector. Presumably also Loss of Power to CRY, BBY, COL, other Sectors?

PEAK DISASTER CONFUSION

• Flo-U-RID-3 is overkilled.

• Possible theft attempt on Lenin's Tooth, by League of Extreme Communism or others.

• LAH Sector units ordered to stand down; Unidentified Contractors show up.

• Evere-V-ENS-6 sends Al-B-GUD to VED Sector

  • Al disappears, possibly killed by Vulture Squadron Bravo 9.

• KorDrill7 is stolen.

AFTERMATH: FIRST HOURS AND DAYCYCLES AFTER

• GASES cancelled; all Citizens frozen in current Service Firm positions and Sectors of residence.

• Reduction of dental supplies in CRY and BBY by Make-U.

  • Batclone appears and the ToothpasteRebellion occurs.

  • ItemsInQuestion are found.

  • Armed Forces massacres CRY and BBY Sectors.

• Ultimabrite Cleansing occurs at and around Emergency Reserve Depot RUN3A (Obsolete) for two daycycles.

AFTERMATH: 9 MONTHS AGO / UP TO 1 MONTH AFTER PEAK

• Men in Infrared begin training.

  • KorDrill7 is activated in LOK Sector.

• 18 additional reactors taken offline, including Nuclear Facility RON-372/B.

  • 3000% price spike in power prices goes into WhirledRON Energy pockets.

• ULTRAVIOLET Massacre occurs.

  • Supposedly instigated by Roy-G-BIV using stolen Information Distortion CA/RD; likely spurious claim.

  • DebateIsFutileResolutionForm is redesigned as a result.

  • KriegsList-related evidence is lost as a result.

  • Action Squad Alpha is formed as a result.

2 to 3 MONTHS AFTER PEAK

• League of Extraordinary Dadaists appears and publishes Manifesto Out of Space and Time.

• Action Squad Alpha Documentaries released.

• Some RON-372/B fissile material found to have been missing; Action Squad Alpha investigates and goes missing as well.

APPROX. 4 MONTHS AGO

• ADC "officially" begins.

  • "Developing A Better Complex" produced to tout benefits of ADC.

• Ken-U allowed to spend ill-gotten WhirledRON Energy finances.

"RECENTLY"

• Superconductive Solution SIGMA official rollout.

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As far as I know, I've tackled and solved (a mi propia satisfacción) the placement of everything that seems to connect together. Until such time as this report is finally locked, sealed, and delivered to Friend Computer, however, I welcome suggestions, corrections, reminders, flowers, and the like.

For now, this is Pepe the ProxyBot saying, adios, amigos!

PROXYBOT PP.680 DISENGAGED

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